AboutWhat is existence without code?
SkillsHTML, CSS3, PHP5
Joined devRant on 4/25/2017
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I'm starting a 30 days of code + technical articles challenge
Stay tuned for flames 🔥
I'll be blogging about it on https://dev.to
Whenever someone gets married and makes a post about it on my facebook timeline, their friends start flooding the comment section with 'HML.'
Me, I always just strongly resist the urge to reply each comment with 'Hey, you forgot the \'T\' .'1
Some random weird shit is happening with my Facebook account, I'm getting 2 - 3 new friend requests per hour and I'm not even a celebrity yet, or am I? But seriously what the fuck is that shit, I don't know half the people adding me up and they either have just a profile photo and two posts or are just totally inactive.
Remember that time I said I was lonely and wanted a new clique of friends? I wasn't asking for anything like this.
This is just so fucking annoying and if I get one more of these requests I'll be deactivating this account forever.
*angry faced emoji goes here*2
It's just Tuesday and I'm fed up of the week already.
Weekend can you come quickly? You are the closest thing to an illusion that I actually get a break off work but in actual life, I just get to work remote.
Last week, someone contacted me, he said he needed me to fix the existing code on a new WordPress website because the developer did a messy job, so I thought to myself, it can't be that bad, requested for the SSH access and got into the server.
I was wrong, some people really know how to fuck shit up.
I don't want to go into details but there were legit more than 50 plugins installed and activated on the website for no good reason and all the pages took about 45 minutes each to render if not more, so you can literally request a new page, start making coffee and use the washing machine and if you are lucky to have spent 45 minutes, return to a fully loaded page.
For a new WordPress website, it seemed really old.
It was almost as if this developer had a line of code that looked like this:
@Import 'all the bad programming practices ever and the ones yet to be invented';24
What's a good website to get tech news and help me stay up to date? I'm interning for a company and most times I get lost when they start discussing new tech I've never even heard about.9
What's more better than diving in for a REST after an entire day of SOAPing? I'm happy I'm getting no REACTions after all that time being NODE.1
A computer programmer is just a device that can transform one or more cups of coffee into a hundred or more lines of code.3
If this isn't the worst thing.
I was asked to develop a WordPress plugin as an intern developer and I've been on it since last week. I got stuck when i finally had the loops running but couldn't find a way to format the output without overwriting the existing values on each iteration.
For the last one week I've been showing the progress on my code to the CTO and this is how it has been.
Me: Hello. Everything is coming along fine, I have most of the functions running properly, do you mind looking into the algorithm?
CTO: Oh not at all, let's see what you got. Omg great code for an intern. I think you should add a new variable there and maybe clean up that function over there because it's deprecated now and yeah HaHa, Great work.
Me: Thanks xD I'll have it finished latest next week.
CTO: Oh great. I can't wait to see what you'd have by next week so we can install it on our WordPress.
*Next finally week comes and I'm done with the code.
Me: Hello, I'm done with the entire code! Want to take a look? The plugin works just exactly as described.
*CTO takes a look
CTO: This is completely bad programming practice, so you are running 4 nested loops that all send queries to our data base and make changes to data. This would have a very drastic effect on the server considering the traffic we get.
Me: But you saw this exact code last week and said it was okay, I only changed some CSS since the last time.
CTO: Omg, we can't accept this, you have to develop it again from the scratch without using those loops and queries.
Me: What? Okay, fine. Any hints?
CTO: Just start. That's the greatest hint I could ever give. And also, always have a plan before you begin.
Me: Yeah, thanks for those. It's the first time I'm hearing them and they would totally be applicable to building this thing.2
me: When is it okay for you to scream out "RARRR!😡" in public?
also me: When your privates get caught up in your ZIP.
me: ohhhhh. Okay.
Wait what? Nude.js is already a thing?
Yeah great, I'm not allowed to be a creative perv anymore.
So I was on github today and this teenager came up to me and asked what I was doing but I was too chill to answer at that time.
My screen read "Forking in progress" and now he's been saying it over and over again and thinks it's funny.
I'm working on nesting* some WordPress breadcrumbs* and now I feel like eating bread and eggs, you dig?
The hat you wear matters a lot, you don't apply for a job as a Penetration tester with a black hat on.1
Jordan Castillo: Happy birthday sire.
Eddie: Thank you Maestro.
Jordan Castillo: 😊 How do you feel now that your life's code just ran past an age++?
*10 minutes later.
Jordan Castillo: Oh what? I didn't see your reply.
Jordan Castillo: You maybe forgot to echo it out.
Eddie: Oh well Jordan, I feel like an iteration I guess.2
*creates a freelancer account on some website.
*builds portfolio and gets things running.
*meets his first client.
Client: Hello. so your profile says you are an experienced full stack developer. You are just the kind of person i've been looking for.
Client: Okay I have a project for you. I am looking at developing a simple website that has a few functions and the budget is 100$.
Me: Okay smooth. Hit me with the descriptions.
Client: it's going to be a dating website. Once a user signs up; the website would automatically take control of the user's media devices in his/her home; automatically playing something romantic. You get me?
Me: Em... Idk about that it seems a bit...
Client: it can be done! Develop the algorithm.
Me: Em... Ok.
Client: Well, next the website uses some complex sorting algorithm and sorts existing members based on their past real life relationships. It puts the best people above the messy ones.
*client goes on with his bullshit in like another 10 lines of messages.
Client: so what do you think? How soon can you begin and how soon can we be done?
Me: Do you also want a "butt scratcher" feature? Like a hand pops out of the monitor and asks to scratch the user's anus?
*client leaves the chat.
Me: Oh. I guess he a thing against family guy.13
*builds an awesome avarter to his taste.
me: Haha, you sexy beast! Now go out there and torment the world.4
There's like a billion developers out there but I'm the single developer this boss man chooses to be a pain in the ass to.
Great. Just great!
Well... I guess I started learning how to program so many years back when I thought I could fix my girlfriend's mood swings with code. Guess what: we are married now and I'm still learning how to program!2
*steps outside for a while in search of someone who would maybe understand him.
*finds no one.
*returns to his computer and music and feels extreme happiness again.1
So I'm on my IT leave and I've got some programming skills too but idk what to do with my life because it's too much of a drag seeking for IT centres. Any ideas?7
So I had to travel to the city for a team project I was working on. On arrival, I stopped to check-in at a hotel and was given the keys to room 404. I climbed the awfully complicated stairs for about five minutes only to not find the room in the end.1
*starts coding by 7pm in the evening.
*remembers that he would soon have to go fetch something to eat but keeps on coding.
*tells himself he would get food by 10pm.
*checks the time - it's past 12am.
*codes all night long on an empty belly but doesn't care.10