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My job requires us to use Mac. I've spent the week figuring how to get stuff done on it.

My best description of trying to code on mac is that it's kinda like having to extract your mangled penis from a blender before you bleed to death... Except you can't look directly at it, you have to wear a VR headset that's linked to a camera in the corner of the room.

And you can't use your hands directly you have to use an incredibly stylish and ergonomic looking steering wheel to control a robotic arm. The robotic arm has its own artificial intelligence and it desperately wants to help.

Unfortunately it doesn't understand anything about what you're trying to do and it keeps leaping to incorrect conclusions about what you want from it.

Everyone tells you it'll get better, but you're still in intense pain and your penis is still stuck in the blender.

Comments
  • 13
    Oh god I laughed so hard. If I could gice you more fake points I would.
  • 4
    Talk about Melodramatic!! 😂
  • 14
    Now that, kids, is a genuine rant.

    May you get your penis out of the spinning blades of doom soon sir.
  • 9
    But it has GESTURES! 🗣
  • 7
    I've learned to use the terminal for my entire workflow. So I can transcend.
  • 3
    This is priceless. Linux > OS X (Ubuntu is fuego)
    That being said, I usually dev on my MacBook and not on my Raspberry Pis.
    Mac still let's me do Vim, Sublime, NetBeans, Brackets, Android Studio, Xcode, etc.
    But lol "mangled penis"
  • 6
    Today I went to buy a cover for it so I could put stickers on it without being fired and disguise that I'm using an Apple product.

    I ended up spending 50 dollars (US) for two pieces of molded plastic that clip onto the hell spawned device.

    I feel like even more of an idiot for paying apple 50 bucks for two freaking pieces of plastic than if I'd just walked around with the stupid apple logo showing.
  • 5
    @FuzzyMyztiq so then basically it's a really pricey Linux computer stuffed with bloatware and Mac advertisements...
  • 13
    @Ratwerks I have a feeling when I start working I'm gonna need something to cover my obnoxiousness
  • 5
    @anyhus If I could I'd give you every single one of my upvotes for that Bernie sticker.
  • 3
    @Ratwerks reading that brings me joy. I never know if its pissing someone off or the complete opposite :). Either way it's awesome
  • 2
    @Ratwerks i just started a new job and they've already ordered me a MacBook.... I will be in the same position soon :/
  • 6
    It gets better. But then you go home, turn on your pc and find out you can't copypaste without looking at the keyboard.
  • 2
    Poor guy here let me get some scissors. *snip*✂
  • 1
    Haha my first rant marked as fav
  • 3
    It's been 5 years since I started to make iOS for our company, having no Mac/Apple background at all and always used Windows prior to that.
    The only advice I can give you is this:

    Embrace the pain. Be one with the robotic arm and let it guide you. It might still hurt from time to time and maybe the blender will start to spin for a few seconds... but deep down you'll appreciate having a proper shell to talk to it.
    So, rip off that cover, admire the beauty of the machine and use the rich tool belt it has, you'll notice that there is more than those VR goggles and the robotic arm 😉
  • 1
    But hey, VR is cool, right? Especially if the headset is made of aluminium and has a bitten apple on the back
  • 1
    BTW: Today is great day to learn more about the blender - WWDC starts in a few hours!
    https://developer.apple.com/wwdc/
  • 1
    Made my day!
  • 3
    @gnaaah unless you come from Linux and realize half of the majestic terminal is obfuscated away and the blender was added to convince you from searching for it
  • 2
    @gnaaah

    I've been using Linux for years. I know what a proper shell is. I also know it doesn't have to be this painfull.
  • 1
    Wow... I was in so much pain reading this....
  • 1
    The frustration is genuine. Been there when they gave us Macs for SRE role - it was hard to work or believe in the beginning. But you know it'll get better as they say.
    Eventually the blender will get stuck as your penis will swell. But only thing that will not change is cursing it forever.
  • 2
    @anyhus I have my Bernie sticker on mine too! Except I put an apple sticker over the Bernie sticker. I'm garbage.
  • 2
    @strranger101
    if(you.haveABernieSticker()){
    return "You are not garbage despite your Apple sticker";
    }
  • 3
    Oh Bernie, what could of been. What could of been...
  • 1
    @siljamicke Yes. Basically Macs are Linuxy distro with a sweet desktop environment.

    I try to find a terminal version for everything. Spotify, Hangouts, Slack, email, note taking with vim... everything.
  • 1
    At least it all costs 3x the amount anything else does.
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