I just feel that I have to get this of my chest, because this have really me and my family really negative.
It have destroyed my will to be happy, sort of.

Well, my father have some kind of control behaviour. My whole life he has been angry on stuff that does not really matter
and I have always been the one that get all the shit - because I am the oldest. I was never allowed (maybee 3-4 times between age 8-15) to have any friends
over or stay with friends over night or after school. Because they "where bad and I would become like them".

I am happy that I meet my wife 6 years ago and moved away from home when I was 20, I kinda fled the situation from home to start my own life.
My father has always hated when boy/men had long hair and alot of beard - but that is something I always wanted to have. So when I moved from home
I start to let everything grow.

Two years ago, things got really fucked up when I did not shave all my beard of and cut down my hair because my mom had birthday. I did it the week after
because my brother graduated from school and we where going to visit, we did not want a repeat the situation from a couple of weeks before. After that I got
another job as a Linux sysadmin and started to grow the hair and beard again.

Last monday, my dad called and said that I am not welcome to visit them anymore. I am a "bad example" for my sibling
and he also said "you brother and sister does not feel so good (my sister fainted a couple of days before, which I did not know) so I have no time to care about you and your family"
I was stunned, I really wish that this was a joke but it is'nt.

I have always been bashed because of the choices I make in my life and for my own family (wife, and two kids + one more kid any day now)

When I choose to work with something that I love, they said that I am stupid because they basically think "that the PC is full of SATAN".
When they realized that I make more money than my parents combined they went silent.

I just wanted to write this shit of my chest, it is really fucked up and I am starting to loose the ability to have feelings - if you know what I mean.

Thank you devrant, for being one of the fun things I do, when I read all the rage, fucked up stories, hate, and so on. I do not feel alone :)

PS: I promise you, that you guys/gals will be the first one to know when my new kiddo arrives

  • 7
    Longhair bearded geeks unite!
  • 3
    That really sucks, dude. I hope it gets better for you.
  • 14
    Don't let the hate of others creep in your life. You have a family. Let it be happy. Be happy of them. Be happy *for* them. Teach your kids happiness. Love. Diligence and dedication.

    Don't become your dad.

    You know what is the most misinterpreted citation? "Blood is thicker than water". They state that it means that the bound of the blood of the fathers is more important than the watered out bound of friendship. But you know what the real, complete sentence states?
    "The bound of blood is thicker than the water of the woumb".
    It means the opposite.

    Keep your beard. Keep your long hair. And keep your fucking huge salary.
    And feel for your kids.
    They deserve it.
  • 1
    I can relate to some of that, exercise helped me. Maybe you should give it a try. Also forget about your parents, and try to build a relationship with your siblings.
  • 0
    Hey there dude, how are you? I hope you are feeling better after letting that all out.
  • 2
    I do agree with the fact that you just wanted to move away from your parents but if you never cared about them you wouldn't be effected thus writing this rant. Use ur parents mistake to build a better family with your wife and children.
    Though try not to disconnect from your parents, a hello call every once and a while wouldn't hurt, even if they negatively reply, if they hated you they wouldn't care to even call and tell you they are no longer supporting you....

    Wish you all the best bro, learn from their mistakes and remember, total freedom does cost, maybe ur father used the wrong approach to teach you that when you were a child. ☺️
  • 1
    Believe me when i say that child will change everything for the better.

    It's impossible to explain but you will see soon enough.
  • 4
    Leave your Dad be and minimize contact with him, he'll come around eventually. Nothing is wrong with you, it sounds like he had a rough childhood (imo).
  • 2
    At home my mom behaves like that.All my life i have lived like in a cage.I am 22 now and still mom thinks i shouldn't meet my friends or stay long with them.Apparently i am not allowed to stay at my friend's place even for a night you know b'coz they are "bad".And i am supposed to search for a job and stand on my on legs.O i am not depressed at all! I get to trash all this away from my head when i see those beautiful curly brackets and semicolon(yeah).
  • 8
    I don't know what to say but felt too bad not to reply. Good luck man and waiting for that new child rant :)
  • 1
    How does he get mad over hair? Is it maybe a religious thing?
    He shouldn't be controlling your life anymore, now that you're standing on your own legs

    Think of it this way, you're starting a new family, and you can make it a lot better than he did

    If all else fails, we all here believe in you
    I wish you lots of luck and that your sister gets well again
  • 2
    Sometime when you are ready, tell him that you love him. One day we might regret that we didn't.
    Hold on to your siblings, be a person they can look up to.
    Dont lose your wife to your thoughts and feelings. And be a great dad ☺
  • 4
    Right in the feels man... I hope everything works out in the end. I'm sure it will.
    Also, here's a cute doggo and his duck to cheer you up
  • 0
    @busuu suprisingly powerfull message Thanks for sharing!
  • 3
    I hear you man i had the same relationship with my father. Now it's all good i changed his value to my life in my mind. I wanted his approval for years but he kept shitting on me, now instead of approval, i pity him that he is incapable to be happy for me or others. In other words i cut him off mentally, i have a great relationship with my brother and mother. My relationship with my father depends on his mood and the way he acts if he acts like shit i ignore him if it's cool i'm cool. By acting like this he only gets attention from me when he is cool.
    Resulting slowly in a better relationship.

    Stand your ground and don't waver.
    You can't cut off family if expressing to him you're issues won't result in him changing cut him off mentally.

    ^ robert greene power law 16

    ^ compartmentalize love

    my 2 cents on this topic
  • 2
    @Triskelion sounds like some good advice
    I'm gonna try following it as well
  • 1
    No beard and short haired coder here.
    Your dad sucks. Be a better one.
    Live YOUR life.
    And here, have a hug 🍻🍺
  • 1
    I know that feeling of no feeling.
    Keep your chin up, you're doing great. Just focus on your wife/kids/yourself and your job.
  • 0

    It is a religious thing yes

    FYI, I had to totally break the contact with them, there was no other option
  • 1
    That's why there's versioning - to improve on the next generation. You improved.
    Hurts? Yes. Necessary? Yes. No other option? Nope. Sometimes shit just suck? Yes. Did you do the right thing? Absolutely.
    Pat on back. Re-compile and move on :)
    Hope you feel better!
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