Try Debian, they said.
Best env?
Live it is!
[literally days of debian update error research]
Oh wait, not 12, we meant 11.7
Okay, bullseye it is then.
Download 11.7, not 12 bookworm
[same errors]
pkg pgp dkpg sudo wtf
187 help pages later
54 su / sudo pastes later

[same errors]

*more help pages*
*yes, limited search to last month, year*

[same errors]

Learnt so much!

. . .