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279d

(going through some stupid thoughts and just wanted to vent out. sorry for your time waste if you keep reading this)

i think there's something fundamentally wrong about my personality that makes me unloveable .

i only fell for 2 girls in my life, told my feelings to 1 , she rejected nd then i rarely ever tried. this was all 10 nd 15 years ago respectively . and after that, i rarely ever thought about love and relationships as my personal life was already a running hot mess that needed my attention.

however for last 3 years i have been financially stable, goal oriented, and an achieving job person. I feel super lonely, so I have been trying to look for love and companionship among the people i know.

First was this company colleague that i kinda liked and had a crush on. I liked spending time with her, she was also a mobile dev and we tought each other lots of things and in a few days i told her that i had feelings for her. She rejected. Very well, we are still office mates, i am kinda broken but oh well.

I thought that my mistake was telling too soon, so i learnt . My personal pride also took a hit, so i started working upon whatever things i can improve : i switched for a better package, i bought financially show off things, i started working out, blah blah blah. I have a shity face and a tiny body, nd that's god fault.

next was this girl that came to be known via common friends. She was cool, lives alone, likes to roam and go to places. My friends were busy on my birthday, but she was sweet and casual enough to meet me alone . i took her to my favourite restaurant and had a nice chat with her. then nexr week we went to watch the (fuckin) barbie movie . we were known for 3 months and have met many times together or with friends, so i kinda liked her. i thought this was some exclusive treatment to me on her end, so i casually asked if we are friends or we are dating, and she straight away replies "friends" . well , alright 💔

this is stupid. why am i born on this fucking world if i am destined to be just alone most of my life

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  • 0
    279d
    Have you heard about this guy named Andrew Tate?
  • 1
    279d
    Jokes aside, I can sympathize with you with how you feel.

    Assuming you are in ur 20s, I too felt the same way some years ago when no girl would want to go out with me and I blamed it on my looks.

    Going to the gym and bulking up with some muscle mass has definitely helped me and I give off the vibe that I don't want a relationship, which imo makes me attractive. (I know it sounds cringe)

    My advice to you is stop trying to show people that you're needy. When you let girls know right off the bat that you're looking for a relationship, it drives most girls away. You have to act as if you don't give a shit if you will be lonely your entire life.

    Socialize and be nice to women as you should, but don't try to be clingy. And yes, go the gym. seriously. You can look up my Instagram to see how I transformed myself.
  • 1
    279d
    @Sid2006 > "be nice"

    ..and

    - Avoid workplace romances. aka, don't shit where you eat.

    - Avoid bars. Only thing you'll get is bar girls.

    Semi-pro tips

    - Go where ladies of character hang out. Volunteer at a hospital, church, pet shelter, homeless shelter, etc.

    - Gyms are an OK starting point, but don't be "that guy". The rule of being "its better being seen and not heard" is in play. If a girl is interested, you'll know. Every single lady there knows the guys are pigs, so let familiarity be your pick up line and patience your secret weapon.

    - Jujitsu. I don't know what it is, but we have 2 devs that found their wives after joining Jujitsu (dojos?).

    Can't comment on the online dating stuff (married for nearly 30 years), I would think it mostly falls under 'bar girls'.
  • 1
    279d
    *Definitely* don't start looking for dates where you work. There's a 99% chance that's going to just end in awkwardness for everyone involved.
  • 0
    279d
    @Nanos I emphasized on the "right off the bat" part. OP isn't waiting enough to create a comfortable environment for the girl first then ask if she wants to date him.

    That is the thing that drives most girls away because you come off desperate.
  • 0
    279d
    @Nanos You are talking about one girl on one scenario. I meant in general before you pull that move of asking a girl out, maybe check the vibe first.

    In my previous rant I said that I was drunk and made out with a chick I met at a party. That doesn't mean I will advise people to go to parties and get drunk and ask women to make out.
  • 0
    278d
    @Nanos > "The body will take time to muscle/strength up, years probably."

    Give yourself 90 days. I've been trying to get to the 100 push up goal (and the various '100s' challenges). You might be shocked how good you feel and how strong you become. Will you look like "The Rock"? No, but you'll have the confidence that you've achieved a worth while goal and ladies of character like a man who is confident in his abilities and can achieve the goals he sets for himself.
  • 0
    278d
    @Nanos > "A home set of weights is ideal for starting with if you are as weak as a kitten."

    I use bands (these are what I bought)

    https://amazon.com/dp/B07DWSPQQY/

    And P90x DVDs I ripped to MP4s so I could work out with my tablet in the garage.

    Then its always a matter of finding the time.
  • 0
    278d
    @Nanos > "Good advice, though it would be nice to hear of more examples !"

    Yes! I've given my advice to my son, and its ignored. TL;DR, I've spent a lot of time in hospitals and not a single dude to the many young ladies helping (nursing students, volunteering with kids, etc). I'm thinking, if I was a 18-24 year old single lad, *this is the place to be!*.
  • 1
    278d
    Pickup line is important. Ask her if she's an American school because you want to shoot kids in her. Ask if she had an abortion an if not; ask her she wants one. You'll be fine
  • 1
    278d
    @retoor what the fuck. Has anyone ever told you that you have a messed up sense of humour?
  • 1
    278d
    @Sid2006 no, everyone is so nice :)
  • 1
    278d
    @retoor then I'll be the first to tell you this - You have a messed up sense of humour that's borderline funny.

    If you were a famous public figure you'd get cancelled in 2 mins.
  • 1
    278d
    @Sid2006 I think I would have a strict & loyal fan base fighting the MSM for canceling me. Half of them wears a Maga hat
  • 1
    277d
    @retoor Your sense of humour is diabolical, and I love it.
  • 1
    277d
    Also, always warn her before you turn her mouth into a children daycare.

    OK, that was it for now! I do consultancy btw. I know everything about wamen
  • 0
    277d
    @Nanos > "My current lifting ability is around the 20lb mark, so I have a long way to go."

    Doesn't matter. Do your best and don't quit. Most of all, don't compare yourself to others and run your own race.
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "Or is it simply that I'm not attractive enough.."

    You are what you speak. When you speak defeat, you become defeated. When you speak victory, you become victorious.

    Keep telling yourself you are smart, handsome, wonderfully made and you will become what you speak.

    <putting on my Jesus hat>

    You are who God says you are. He doesn't see the outside, He's growing what's on the inside and that light is what the right person will see in you.

    <taking hat off>

    Sure, some ladies will see @Nanos face and say "Eeww...his face looks like a sack full of possum heads", but right one will say "Hmm..I don't know what it is. @Nanos is sweet, cares about people, and can do 100 pull-ups without breaking a sweat. I wonder what else he can do without breaking a sweat?"
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "No you don't ! That is when you become disillusional."

    ..and? :)

    1 CORINTHIANS 1:27

    But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "if everyone else is an 8, and you are a 7.9"

    I get it, I'm in the sub 4's, and I run my own race. With unrelenting perseverance, I convinced a 9.9 lady to marry me. If that's not God pouring favor when I didn't earn it, I don't know what is.
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "But with so much anti-car stuff these days, I don't think people realise what that will mean for single guys without a car !"

    I've been out of the dating world a long time, I don't know the expectations of the ladies now-a-days. I do know character. If the lady is expecting you to roll up in a BMW, then she's probably not someone you want anyway.

    Pull up in a pedal car and she says "Cool, can I pedal?!", she's a keeper.
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "And positive thoughts don't change the outcome if you haven't got the attraction points."

    And negative thoughts, not even trying, guarantee the situation will not change.

    Try turning it around. Believe you can change the outcome. Believe the change has already occurred, you are just waiting for the blessing.
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "I think we have different names for the same thing, aka I call that luck."

    Yes, probably.

    For me it's a difference of :

    "Please..Please...Please...<some event to happen>!" in the future tense.

    vs

    "Thank you for <some event to happen>" in the past tense.

    Outcomes could be the same. One causes me stress, the other, peace.
  • 0
    276d
    @Nanos > "Hmm.. interesting. Can I simply fool my brain by that ? I'm aware our brains can be fooled."

    Absolutely. Been working for major religions for thousands and thousands of years.

    I don't look at it as being 'fooled', its a choice. You can choose to look for the positive, believe if you work hard, do the right thing, right things will happen for you. That's not a 'Christian' edict, that, IMO, is a human one you see in nearly all levels of faith.

    Other choice is to believe you're a victim, everything is against you, you'll never achieve your goals (why even bother having goals), etc. Only path is to do as I'm told by a higher power. Higher power being a government, a cult/gang, even a religion.
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