Our marketing director on conversion rates:
30% of the people that signed on were marketing leads.

Actual conversion rate:
6%

The co-worker who revs the bus whenever something goes wrong. 🚌

const god = new God();
god.doThings(universe);

When the person sitting next to you in the plane starts coding and you try to see what they're working on.

Has anyone noticed that the members of Simple Plan and Blink-182 match recruiters' "rockstar with 5-10+ years experience" requirement?

Legitimate bug report: "this bug is only reproducible when tethered to a phone".

When you and your wife are competing for the highest ++ score in Devrant

The first company I ever worked for thought it was a good idea to have all business logic in stored procedures "for speed".

It worked. Except when you need to add BC breaking features.

The solution? Keep the legacy code in file do_something.sql and add the new functionality in do_something_1.sql.

It became a sordid game trying to find the highest postfix. My record was 16.

Coolest project worked on: measuring the beer inside a keg. No one can complain when you crack one open at your desk 🍺

My reaction when the space-bar on my keyboard is sticky

So you're telling me that I'll do pair programming outside of school?