"I don't see the point of writing tests on this project. It's just a waste of time. "

3 months later:

"I don't know what's broken and every time I change something I don't know what it could possibly break?"

FFS.

I like to joke around when I am working. I understand that it's not everyone's cup of tea, but ffs you should be able to laugh at really complex problems in stressful situations. How else can you remain sane writing thousands of lines of code just for an e-commerce site or so someone can post even more cat pictures on the Internet.

If you can't laugh and enjoy what you are doing, you might want to rethink what you are doing with your life.

Is it worth getting a computer science degree after you are already in a senior role?

Or... should I just complete an open courseware course to fill in some of the gaps?

When someone is so used to being told no that they argue with you for 20 minutes when you agree with them.

!rant

@dfox : it looks like that there might be a bug in viewing profiles with less than 5 rants.

Android version 6.0.1 Samsung s7

1.) Click on a user profile with a low number of rants
2.) Scroll to the bottom of the list
3.) The user is unable to scroll up.

That moment to you start writing in yet another javascript mv* framework and think "I got this..."

And 10 minutes later everything is a new word for an old thing like reading something written in middle English.

FML

When Microsoft tries to turn you into Gollum....

Had an interview today with someone who made me feel like I knew nothing. Best experience I have ever had in an interview. I know it sounds weird, but I actually felt like I learned a lot from that man and would like to work with people who make me feel that way.

Unfortunately, that will probably not happen after that interview.

Architect: "Inline sql is just as performant as a stored procedure and since it is in code its safer and easier to maintain."

Me, inside my head: "I bet I could do the pencil trick on him from 'The Dark Knight' and it wouldn't hurt him as much as suck the world into the small hole in the front of his head since it is clearly a vacuum which was meant to destroy the earth. This is an obvious plant by the lizard people as a test to see if we could identify them. Killing him would be a..."

Architect: "I mean isn't it still a best practice."

Me, out loud and deadpan: "No, that is wrong and it was never a best practice. "

Me, inside my head: "Crisis averted."

Day of the interview sr. Architect says: "We have near 100% unit test coverage in our code."

One month later when I tell him there are 0 unit tests written against 300 projects: "Yeah, I knew that was a problem."

What can you do when the people who want to hire you lie outright to your face?

Oh yeah, and not a god damned one was written using any sense of object oriented programming at all. Every single damned project is written like its on a motherfucking punchcard put together by a cs 101 student with a 2 hour fucking deadline.

I can understand if it needs some work, just tell me. Don't fucking lie to me just to get me in the door to fix a problem you know you have. JUST HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOUR CANDIDATES AND DON'T FUCKING LIE TO THEM!

Off to drink some scotch and think about what it would be like to shove a finger deep enough into my nostril to hear a pop and smell popcorn before going off into that good night.

I said good day.

The easiest way for me to get unstuck when writing a program is usually to talk to someone in the business about my problem. If I can explain what I am doing to someone else it helps me better understand where I might be going wrong. It especially helps if I am speaking to someone who is not technical because I have to explain everything without glazing over the general coding stuff.

I am sure it bores the hell out of them though.

For once I would like to have a scrum master who doesn't try to be a psychologist and just helps us adhere to whatever methodology we are supposed to be following.

We are developers, we know we're dysfunctional, we like it that way and stop telling me I have to wear pants to meetings!!!

"We don't use nuget, it isnt secure. We just put all the dll's into a nuget directory thats available to all of the users in the company."

"But that means your references are all broken and your packages.config are wrong? None of your solutions build that are in source."

"We don't check in solution files either. That causes clutter in TFS."

Been in Microsoft stack too long. Opened up bash terminal on the raspberry pi I just setup...

Its been 6 hours and it felt like 20 minutes. I had no idea I missed this until I started messing around again.

Take a day off, entire system goes down. Come in the next day: "We need to fix this".

12 hours later we get the system back up and a significant design flaw is now known which needs to be fixed on Monday.

It feels good to have the bandaid in place.

Don't use cursors kids, unless you absolutely have to.

What the hell do you mean there is no constructor that accepts 0 arguments?

HTTP/1.0 418: I'm a teapot

Stickers have arrived!

Consultant: "I don't agree with that, it's got to be something else" when you point to a known fault with the function they are using in the framework.

Then you send them 10 articles from stackoverflow and the framework's own website.

Consultant: "Oh. Thank you."

Just let me fix the damned bugs and not have to justify every single fucking change I have to make to make the damned thing work the way it is fucking supposed to.

This is why we can't have nice things.

coworker: "Did you see my code review?"

me: "Yeah, I haven't gotten to it yet, I'm sorry."

coworker starts sobbing.

me: questioning existence.

Untested code has bugs that cause catastrophic failures in code and I get asked "How the hell did you even find that?!" by a manager on another team.

I pressed enter to post form data.

Should loyalty ever stop you from taking a better job elsewhere?

When you forget to add a namespace.

Chief Software Engineer: "There is no way this has ever worked."

Me: "Did you try it?"

CSO: "No."

CSO: tries it.

CSO: "Nevermind"

CSO: Hangs up abruptly.

"How are you going to do that?"

"I don't know..."

"I need an estimate."

"40 hours."

"Why's it going to take that long?"

"I couldn't find the right stack overflow article."

Does anyone use Amazon Web Services? Do you have an suggestions regarding where to start when coming from the .NET and Azure side of things?

I left for a week and someone deployed my code to production after being completely tested by qa on a Friday night. I get into the office after being gone for a week and am told that production has been down for many customers for several days. In a panic I start troubleshooting my code with the "What the fuck did I do wrong" face.

Development and qa were in a frenzy to figure out what happened, several developers were trying to figure out what went wrong by tracing through the source code for days, fucking days!

In that while time Noone thought to roll back the code. So, I was in a bind and thought "might as well get a box". Before that I looked at the deployment instructions: only the dll's were pushed, no db or resource file changes were pushed. In 20 minutes after I got back: no more problems for any customers and everything is working fine.

SMDH.

At least I found this picture of turtles wearing raspberries.

God Damnit just name the fucking interface one thing and stop changing it every single time you check in. I don't care if you call it IGeorge at this point as long as it's still the same thing tomorrow morning you fuck.

It's just that your team doesn't have experience in "insert platform name here" so we want to use a third party to move "insert product name here" into it.

My first thought: why don't you just train the team with the product knowledge in the new platform rather than the other way around? Does anyone else see this happen and want to eat glass every time it does?

When your sprint review is turned into a 5 hour argument about how to effectively do scrum and all you want to do is code.