how do I make my actively hostile body behave and do what I want it to do?

Stop medicine, use drugs. Great result on short term. You didn't tell how long it had to 'behave'.

@retoor uhhh I think drugs will make it worse, as ppl who are high can't quite control themselves sometimes

@kiki people who are sober are repressed and control themselves too much :P

@kiki love you kiki have a nice day <3

@kiki taking amphetamine isn't the same as weed in effect. I'm sure there is an illegal substance that will do what you want. But sadly, it'll always be temporary or has side effects. Just like medicine.

While amphetamine is considered a hard drug here, in some countries it's just a medicine. Adderall in the US for example. While gpt says it's in netherlands available under strong supervision, I consider it false. In netherlands they do have Ritalin for ADHD treatment and it's not the same and not even a type of amphetamine. Amphetamine is more potent, lasts longer. Ritalin requires more frequent use. By my own experience, Ritalin had annoying side effects that amphetine has less. If something is a drug or medicine is pure an opinion I guess and country based. All I know is that the good stuff gets denied to ADHD people in netherlands with a substance that has to be used more regularly because less potent. It seems that Ritalin is less healthy.. Sure, but also less effective.

Still amphetamine deserves to be on illegal list since it's very addictive. Even if it was healthy, addiction is always a bad thing. It means that you prefer smth above your well being / healty and has absolute priority. Well, in that case we can add a bunch of medicine on the list too. And they are, they're regulated.. By 'doctors' who diagnose everyone. Mental diseases are not taken serious by many because a lot of people are wrongly diagnosed and hapoy shout they have something and bevause it's impossible to imagine a feeling/mental state you never had. There are a lot of people who ever can't imagine a depression in the sense of really wanting to die. But depression actually means not engaging anymore. Based on that, you could say everyone is depressed often in life. And now, depression is smth common. Just like burnout. Burnout is not freaking c'mon. The word is. Most people don't do a fuck actually. They prolly became the first time challenged and felt uncomfy. Boeh.

But by generalizing mental issues to smth common to everyone nobody takes it serious anymore. I swear that some psychiatrists do not believe mental issues are real. Sometimes a bit sad, sometimes a bit happy? Oh, you're bipolar, just like the people living alone on the streets. They shouldn't diagnose so easy. But they sell drugs and those people just become drug addicts. Not even fun drugs.

@retoor here's the list of drugs I took:

- morphine, at the age of 15, because no post-op anesthesia was available. Horrible withdrawal symptoms, but I pushed through

- a bit of alcohol. didn't do anything to me

- a lot of nicotine. I'm clean for almost a year now

- very sketchy synthetic cannabinoid like thing. brown, looked like dried poop. awful experience, my first one with thc + god knows what

- real weed. no effect

- 100 micrograms of LSD. Just gave me derealization, but I liked it

@kiki Didn't expect from you to have done any. The morphine is understandable. They wanted to give me fentanyl after my accident last year in the ambulance and I said NOOOOOOOOOOOO :P Wasn't really suffering anyway, I don't know why they want to give it to me. Good that he told me he was about to. But LSD? What a surprise. LSD is one of the only oldschool mainstream substances that I didn't try. I also won't, I became too old to experiment with drugs. i realize now that it only can escalate to something bad while not gaining much. What if you like it, you will do it more? That's not a win probably. Your body can take a hit but your wallet not so much probably. You'll get way different issues before the body starts to complain on social level / work maybe. Just effects of addiction disregard what substance it is. It can also be gambling. I've heard that gambling is one of the worst addictions to get rid of. So weird, i'm 100% immune for that, even against it.

@retoor I only did LSD once, just like that cannabinoid thing and weed. All of them just once

I will definitely try DMT-assisted therapy for my PTSD. LSD though… trying it was a childhood dream for me. I think I'll do the larger dose next time. Overall, if you ever find me doing drugs, there is 99% chance they will be psychedelics. Not even nicotine or caffeine lol, and especially not weed

@kiki psychedelics are my least favorite. I like enhanchements, uppers. They really help until they don't. I doubt it that's case for psychedelics. I tried every kind of fresh mushroom that was sold in the Netherlands and the effects were absurd. I would say it's impossible to have benefit. But someone who sells it that he can make people quit smoking whit it with sons guidance..

@retoor have you tried DMT?

@retoor my favorite drug is the LSD analog that doesn't have psychedelic effect but allow man to have several orgasms in a row

@retoor iboga is the one to quit drugz. You do it, you're sober forever and happy in connection with the elements or something

@kiki no, that one I got offered when younger and friendly declined. It takes 15 minutes or less IIRC but your time experience goes different. That with time, I also had with mushrooms and it felt like a week. Time didn't pass at all. It was if I came back from vacation afterwards. I really consider it as a trip - both bad and good. Strong emotions. According to the infographics show, some guy had a spent a whole life in those 15 minutes and was married in his trip and everything. I'm not sure if I can believe that, but imagine if that happened to you. Holy..