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Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"

Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"

Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"

Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"

Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."

Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."

Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"

Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."

Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"

Boss: "But they will never agree!"

Me: "Maybe that is good thing"

Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"

Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"

Boss: "I think I want a new mom"

Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."

Comments
  • 22
    🤣🤣 nice!
  • 24
    This is the greatest thing I have read in a while. Well done.
  • 12
    pure gold, I would've ++'d you a thousand times if I could
  • 5
    @bittersweet we have had an agreement on a triangular relationship, hadn't we? I am ready.
  • 4
    haha great!
  • 5
    @AlexDeLarge his wife. 😂
  • 5
    While I can get on board with some of the principles of GDPR (asking permission, etc.), some of the items (produce/delete/allow transfer to a competitor of all data on demand) seem straight up ornerous, based on what I’ve read. Makes excluding the European market and all parties subject to the GDPR seem tempting.
  • 5
    @AlexDeLarge I am. I will make a bittersweet exception.
  • 5
    @Kaji Yeah, time will tell if it's effective at anything or just a pain in the ass.
  • 9
    @Divisionbyzero @AlexDeLarge Not married, but living together.

    @Kaji @GMR516 The followup law to GDPR, PECR, might go further — it could require browsers to implement third party cookie blocking, which must be on by default. That would basically mean the end of tracking, targeted advertising and the use of external analytics tools.

    I think GDPR is very reasonable, it just requires you to not be sneaky, to clearly state what you are doing with user data.

    Of course, you could exclude the EU market... but that means excluding 750 million people.
  • 0
    Fucking awesome 👏 .
  • 1
    honest question, isn't it easy to workaround this cookie limitations with some other browsers APIs like localStorage or something?
  • 1
    @spaceJunk The law talks about "interference with end user devices", so no, it's not just cookies. You don't need consent for using local storage for application preferences, but you do need it if you use it for advertisement tracking.
  • 3
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