GDPR done right. 😂😂

Ghostery just leaked all of their users email addresses in their GDPR compliance email.

I promise this is my last GDPR rant..

"We are looking for a GDPR expert to be hired in our company"

"I am an experienced data protection manager"

"Oh, fine! May you give us your phone number?"

"No"

"Your email address?"

"No"

"You're hired"

Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"

Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"

Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"

Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"

Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."

Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."

Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"

Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."

Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"

Boss: "But they will never agree!"

Me: "Maybe that is good thing"

Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"

Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"

Boss: "I think I want a new mom"

Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."

😂😂😂

"We are looking for a developer with 10 years of GDPR experience."

This one wins

!dev

It was late night after work I went into Macdonald's take-away:

Me: Can I have a Maharaja Mac Medium Meal with extra regular fries?

Guy: Yes sir, that will XX.XX amt.

Me: Gives him my card.

Guys: So what's the pin?

Me: What??

Guys: The Pin sir.

Me: Are you ok? Who the hell shares a pin with you?

Guy: Sir, we don't have a wireless swipe machine.

Me: So why is it a take-away if I have to come inside and drop my pin anyways?

*Guy looks awkwardly at other employees. :/

I had to finally get out of the vehicle and I took another 15 mins seperately explaining him why cards have a security pin and that the word security isn't a joke before the pin. With this, I might have also slipped in some GDPR cookie policy along with it. and why Microsoft bought GitHub. Good Lad. He will learn.

"Jim, can you tell me why my e-mails aren't getting to clients?"

They're being marked as spam...

"oh damn, how can we fix that?"

You can't. You can change the structure of your e-mails to look less spammy, but it's on their end.

"This is a disaster, we can't have our marketing e-mails marked SPAM!!"

Have you tried not spamming people?

"WE'RE NOT SPAMMING PEOPLE, THEY EXPRESSED A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS INTEREST"

No, you bought a mailing list and put together an e-mail campaign.

"But we aren't spamming people!"

IT VS Marketing 100% of the time

Google Assistant doesn't know.

Thank you GDPR, even though I am not an EU citizen, now I know what services have I provided my e-mail address.

for (email in inbox) {
if ( email.contains("policy") ||
email.contains("privacy") ||
email.contains("GDPR")) {
email.delete();
}
}

*steps into the coffee shop

"WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY!!!"

First PRISM, then GDPR and now Article 11/13.

Different laws controlling internet from different regions of the world.

Isn't internet supposed to be a free, open and borderless place?

Are these capitalist fucking up everything, including internet?

Finally, someone's asking the real questions.

This jetbrains cookie popup is so f*cking cretaive.
Love it.

–Can you recommend me a GDPR expert?
–Yes!
–Can I have their email address?
–No!

Hope this isn't a repost

No presents for the EU this year

This guy does not give a fuck. I like him.

#deletefacebook
Stop doing this if you’re in Europe.
GDPR is coming, if you delete your account now they will preserve it.
If you wait until may 25 they will be forced by the law to actually delete it.
Read the 17th article of GDPR if you don’t believe me.

*Email*
"We updated our Privacy Policy"
"We updated our Privacy Policy"
.
.

*opens devRant*
**Rants on Privacy Policy**

-_-

Thank you GDPR because of you we know who has our email and sent us "We're updating our Privacy Policy".

Time to delete some accounts.

So I just booted up my laptop.

WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.

I agreed to all of it.

And continued my day.

Have a nice day everyone.

P.S no I'm not talking about emails

Imagine all the computer resources we could save

What the flying fuck is happening on the EU with the fucking GDPR corsairs!!

I made two - TWO - entirely static websites, hand-made, 100% cookie-free!! I didn't even need to store a goddam boolean cookie! No third-party content is EVER invoked, called or summoned! I hosted a small video to avoid Youtube! Facebook and twitter share buttons are links!! I DID ALL OF THIS ON PURPOSE AND INFORMED THE FUCKING CLIENT.

And THEN (and, of course, unsolicited), the fucking lawyers of an asshole GDPR corsair office came and scared the shit out of my clients and convinced BOTH of them to put the goddam GDPR cookie consent popup on the fucking websites!! And they took their bribe, of course...

In order to avoid billionaire fines because of the NON EXISTENT cookies of the SMALLEST, SIMPLEST, 2KB MINIFIED HTML page on the Internet.

Anybody else is suffering from this kind of behavior??

I just updated my website to be GDPR compilant. (hopefully). It was the last one.
I'm so pissed right now. I have invested tens of hours for this FUCKING SHIT. I'm not against privacy regulations - I appreciate them. But this is not the way to enforce them IMO.

GDPR will kick in tomorrow, and I think nothing actually will change in the long run

I feel reluctant to open my inbox as much as opening the door for an unexpected knock on a Sunday.

Not using blockchain to color my cryptocurrencies pink so that my AI knows which cloud computing would be best for GDPR

- Do you agree website to use cookies to save your preferences?
- No

* uses cookies to remember selection

Is fucking Tumblr expecting me to untick fucking all of these?! (And this is only 1/10th of the page)

*Dies and walks into hell*

WE HAVE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.

Is devrant GDPR compliant? 😏

Goes to take a shit, opens toilet lid

"We are updating our privacy policies....."

This guy with the his car and the car's number plate

Holy fucking shit!

We just got hit with the dumbest GDPR notice ever. IB fucking M has just managed to fucking FedEx a single fucking shitty piece of paper with a generic GDPR notice on. The fucking parcel was not even addressed to anyone except the "purchasing department".

Why on earth would some fucking corporate drone FedEx a single sheet of paper across the Atlantic Ocean?

Aaarghhhh!!!!!!

Gdpr stands for

Gwe've
Dupdated
Pour
Rprivacy policy

Open source block chain neural network binary tree growth hacker synergy vertically integrating cryptocurrency game changing GDPR compliant internet of things node.js quantum computing start up that'll disrupt and pivot the cloud based ecosystem

Everyone is updating their privacy policy because of GDPR while my mom still busts into my room without knocking.... She hasn't read the GDPR has she?

To help get though the day...

Clients: have two-ish years to request their GDPR changes.

Me: receives 20 emails about GDPR changes that need to be made today. All marked as “URGENT”

Also me: lol that fucking sucks for you but I’m busy today

Client: WE NEED TO MAKE THESE CHANGES AS ITS NOW A LAW

me: that’s cool, still busy today

Just read that EU may planning regulating Algorithms...

What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?

They want that programmers make their Algorithms public accessible for transparency and say what algorithms are allowed to do, because people are scared of them?!

MY BRAIN HURTS AFTER THAT FUCKING GENERAL DATA PROTECTION BULLSHIT THEY WANT TO REGULATE HOW OUR PROGRAMS SHOULD WORK?!

AHDHSHSJSDHJABDJS SHDNSBDBSNSN *RAGEQUIT*

Congrats Mirror! Now I can’t see absolutely anything on your crappy website!

Current state of devRant for the past ~2 weeks in regards to GDPR and GitHub.

I was only seventeen back then and I was a Java Developer Intern, not knowing much about enterprise oriented coding.

The project leader in our dev team saw a lot of potential and passion in my work, but was convinced I wasn't taught enough to do the right thing.

I was mainly doing shitty mappers and services back then, which were somewhat used but never lasted long and were ditched a few months later, which always bummed me out. I wanted to make an impact on REAL projects that would deploy into production.

So Mister Mentor (GDPR forbid to use the actual name), who was always first to come and last to leave the office, taught me what it means to code for real.

We stayed after 5pm until 7-8pm multiple times a week and he taught me in a deeply understanding and calm way how to:
- Git (SVN)
- Refactor
- SOA
- Annotate
- Deploy
- Unit Test

And most importantly:
- How to debug like an absolute BOSS
(We even debugged native Java Libraries just for fun to see if we could break them)

Fast-forward a month later and little intern me made his first commit on production.

Without Mister Mentor, I wouldn't be half as good of a developer as I am today.

*** IN THE FUTURE ***

@elon musk colonize mars and starts sending people to mars and keep EARTH for EU CITIZENS because mars isnt GDPR compliant

Ooh my f**king god! These privacy emails are getting out of hand now!!!!! I blame Europe for spoiling my inbox.

Guys, calm down.
By the end of the month, GDPR will take place and the mails “should” have an end.

IMO GDPR is a great thing, we should be thankful instead of complaining..

Happy coding to y’all

I’ll be able to actually delete my WhatsApp account:)

GDPR
Good morning to a world with GDPR.
Did any even read the new terms and conditions?

So much rant against the GDPR. In the meanwhile USA Today created a site just for the EU. No Tracking or Ads. A site which was normally 5mb big to load is now 500kb for the EU! Awesome! Thats what the internet could be!

GDPR conversation in public transport

“GDPR is so boring, basically it means delete all your clients and go home”
- unknown

Can I write this?

This is the website of the European Commission...

I just want to add my 2 Cents to the all this GDPR chaos. Because I feel lots of you are missing the point here.

When reading here about GDPR I hear all kinds of fair statements of how flawed it is and how it's mainly hurting the small companies etc etc.

I agree, at this state GDPR might actually be doing more harm than good.

However, I don't think that is what it is about. It's about going in the right direction. If you read/look over the course of history we've had several technological revolutions. Industrial, renaissance. They all start the same:

"This technology is going to change everything, it's going to solve all our problems!" It's something holy. Something that shouldn't be touched or regulated, only embraced.

But as we all know it wasn't all that pretty.

Industrial revolution was hard super underpaid, dirty work. Children had to work too. People were getting sick. Lots of alcoholism, depression.

And what made the factories start taking better care of their employees? Regulation.

Once fines start to come, companies will have to adapt.

We have to learn and understand that these systems like government, company, capitalism. They're built for reasons. They all exist for reasons. And only when it is in balance, things will flourish.

So I encourage you all to stay as critical as you are, but to give it a chance. To have a bit of faith.

It might just turn into something worthwhile!

Thanks for reading!:)

Just got my data from Spotify that I requested.
1.1MB of data that should contain 10 years of usage does not seem right at all.

I have seen other that have gotten their information, and it container every from the brands of their headphones to what voicecommand was used to play a song.

My report did not contain any of that.

Welcome GDPR.

A lot of people ranting about GDPR emails, but it's cool when you receive them by letter 😆

Well, thats's one way to be GDPR compliant, I guess?...

Fuck you.

*opens Tor, chooses USA*

Um.. yea I've published a GDPR contact email on our website, for issues about our privacy policy. Not sure if you Chinese marketing fucks behind the GFW know what this regulation is about though. I'm not interested in your stupid moulds.
Perhaps that firewall of China could use some further tightening... 😒

Well, I guess this is indeed an "ezi" way to deal with users under GDPR.

GDPR: great law, except for those who use technology (JS blockers, tracking protection, etc etc) to fight other technology (cookies, trackers, etc etc). Welcomed by the general public, but for content publishers it is a royal pain in the ass. Because did the EU provide non-legalese explanations as to how to become compliant? Of course they didn't. Why would they? But of course lawyers jumped on it like it's the best thing in the world. "GDPR-experts".

Now, article 11 and 13 again. Copyright law taken to ridiculous levels, impossible to implement, except for maybe Google, Microsoft and Facebook. Anyone else? Of course not. Again, a lot of money has to be involved with it. Does anyone want this thing? Of course not. And why the fuck is this still a thing even?! Did direct lobbying to the EU Parliament members a few months ago not teach them anything?! Senile pieces of shit. Should those old fucks really be able to decide about the future of the internet?

Yeah GDPR emails are annoying, but you know what's worse? People complaining about GDPR emails!
And you know what's worse than that?
People complaining about people complaining about GDPR emails
And you know what's worse than that?
...

*runs into underground bunker*

wew i'm safe!

*door creeks open*

someone whispers: "Psst, we've updated our privacy policy"

Thanks GDPR, for practically and efficiently unsubscribing me from almost everything I forgot I was ever/not signed up for. My inbox is going to be a lot cleaner after this tsunami of confirmations, and I didn't even have to lift a finger!

285 GDPR mails and counting :)
How much did you lads collect already?

Seen more about GDPR, privacy and policy here than in my mailbox.

I hereby salute every JS-wanking web dev who uses a pop-up type of dialog *and* display yet hugging blur the actual hugging content behind it, only to become completely visible when you allow JavaScript and allow those hugging cookies.

With my middle finger I salute you, motherhuggers. You filthy hugging pieces of hugging shit.

7 hugs so far, oh wait 8! Will this rant defeat my current record on amount of hugs given that apparently stands at 18 (which is hugging incredible, if I may say so myself)? Not that that's really the hugging point though, the hugging GDPR that's responded at by those motherhugging hugwads is. I hugging salute you, hugging pieces of hugging shit!!!

HUG!!!

"Condor, your new Samsung Galaxy S8+ doesn't have the latest Google apps"

You know what Google? I don't give a shit about your latest apps. Often times I go out of my way to root the device and remove your mandatory bloatware, that YOU fucking Google enforce OEM's to preinstall. Fortunately BlueStacks doesn't have them preinstalled, which saves me the pain of uninstalling them. Given that, you've got quite the balls to spam me with this shit Google.

By the way, another thing.. this preinstall shit is linked to the EU antitrust rulings, isn't it? And spam is linked to GDPR, and honestly I don't recall ever opting in to this kind of wanketeering mail. In fact, I usually go out of my way to opt out of this kind of corporate wankery. Time for another huge fine perhaps?

So... GDPR.
And the deadline.
And I have no idea what to do.

What does it mean for one-man indie projects? Data protection officers? Companies? Controllers? Processors? EU employees? Argh.

Look, please, EU. Not everyone can afford to hire an entire team for this, when their current team is literally one person.

Yes, the GDPR is probably a step in the right direction, but I think I'll just stop collecting the data altogether.

(All data I collect is just user settings stored in a database, nothing more.)

Can someone point me in the right direction?

Ooohhh I feel GDPR is seriously kicking in. And frankly I like it :)
just minutes ago a spanish photographer asked me if he could take a photo of me and use it in his expo. The photo thing took like half a minute, but we spend another 10 minutes on explanations, documentations and signing of aggreements.

Poor photographer. But I love that I know what exactly is going to happen with my portrait and my email :)

go GDPR!

All these 'We updated our privacy policy" mails remind me on how many (unnecessary) sites I am actually registered on...

GDPR everywhere

Getting ready for GDPR at work. I had to explain to my bosses what it meant, especially regarding one of our project where we store a lot of user data. Then I heard it: "this crap doesn't regard us. we have no sensitive data. we only save out users' name and generalities.". I have no words.

Fairly fitting I'd say. No one is safe from the GDPR madness.

How to comply with GDPR on any website and web application:
- download the law and store it in some folder
- if you have money, pay a lawyer and a security consultant to write something about GDPR. Download reports and papers and store it in some folder
- Don't touch your code, nor your database nor your infrastructure. If you don't have anything encrypted, leave it like that.
- Write somewhere a popup that says: "we are fully compliant with GDPR". If you have still money left you can also buy such a popup.
- DONE.

Just when you think you had seen all the GDPR emails and this whole spam fest was over but no... not at all, some asshole has to be late to the party.

oh, ok, alright, it won't break the bank.. oh.. are we talking about actually OWNING a bank?

FUCK YOU TUMBLR! I SPEND THE LAST 10 MINUTES UNCHECKING EVERY FUCKING THING AND YOU DON'T ALLOW ME TO TOUCH THE LAST ONE!?
Why is there no uncheck all- button 😤😭

One company sent me GDPR compliance email with title "WE CARE ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY". Well, CC'd all 500 recipients...

#publicprivacy

PowerShell is the slowest, most pathetic, unelegant attempt at copying bash.
The Command-Names are stupid and impossible to remember, the syntax is too awkward to put a name on it.
And holy shit how painfully slow can it be!
It feels like it's Java running in a Windows 95 VM running on a dead cow that was revived against its own will by a Cortana ghost that pretends to be GDPR-compliant.

You know GDPR compliance is going to create a whole new form of scam where scammers impersonate users and send data requests to companies to get people's info.

GDPR has the "right to be forgotten".
Could this be applied for three letter agencies?
Dear NSA,
please delete all information you have collected on me.

Sincerely,
A pissed of jerk.

We have to use this tool in work for classifying new and existing projects for GDPR. Long story short you have to fill out a REALLY long questionnaire, then it gets reviewed by someone in legal. The tool will also assign you tasks and suggest actions to common issues (e.g. suggesting a banner to explain cookie policy if you tick a certain box).

I have spent about an hour trying to re-assign the assessment I started, as i'm due to leave the company in a few days, to the guy taking over from me.

1. There is a “generate shareable URL” button, with the ability to click a button that says “replace me with the logged in user who opens this”. All it does is duplicate the name and description fields and send a new copy to that person, with no access to any of my other content or answers.

2. I did find a re-assign button eventually, again all it does it create a duplicate, and throws and error saying names must be unique when I try to save it.

3. While I couldn’t find a way to do that, I did find another button to at least assign the reviewer. It told me i’m forbidden to change the reviewer on assessments i’ve created.

This is THE WORST piece of nonsensical shit on earth. The entire application is absolute garbage and sssssssooooooo slow.

When you first create an assessment it brings you to a page that has all the questions, makes sense right? Wrong. All the questions are in read-only mode, and they are simply there as a "this is what you can expect to see later on", telling you whether or not they will be freeform, multiple choice etc.

The way to actually answer the questions is to click the "start survey" button hidden in the "status" dropdown.

I don't have much advice to anyone around GDPR, but please stay the hell away from TrustArc.

He's making a list 🌲

He's checking it twice 🎅

He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice 🎁

Santa Claus is in contravention of article 4 of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

My car stopped working.
I thought of having a look. Opened the bonnet.

"GDPR"

Gdpr

Or: "how to screw over individuals who were to lazy to update their Website"

Goddamn, people who rant against the GDPR make me rage...
Making privacy issues more complex for both user and provider is exactly the damn purpose! People who dont care about their private data make me sick! These ignorant fucks get to elect my government? Wtf! GDPR means more work for companies but that also means companies who actually care will implement it and everyone else can gladly fuck off! Keep your stuff in the states where you can build your own manipulative society...

Damn... I should relax a bit...

Wow, I just realized the marketing teams of most of the companies I have been dealing with are some cold sociopaths.

Every other letter that pops in the mailbox is filled with dark patterns trying to guilt me into opting in to their continued spam:

Subject: Most awesome husky puppy!

Look at this beautiful husky puppy. Isn't it beautiful.... It would be sad if something happened to it... But I am afraid... Something will happen to it...

If you don't opt in to our email message... I am afraid we have no choice... We have to kill this puppy. End it's life... We have no choice. I wish we did! Nothing would please us more than keeping this beautiful-beautiful puppy living and playing....

But if you don't opt in... We have to cut it's throat. Leave it lying on the ground, bleeding out as the life slowly fades away from it's pretty blue eyes...

And Remember: it's not us who killed it... IT WAS YOU! YOUR ACTIONS LEAD TO THE DEATH OF THIS PUPPY! YOU.... YOU FILTHY MURDERER!

Pls opt-in ok, then we are all good. Puppy lives! Just opt in. Ok? Yeah, you know what you have to do.

I would say that devRant is only GDPR compliant if they explicitly mention that it's extremely addictive!

everything wrong with everything

credit: @varjag on twitter

Privacy

Well, at least my data is safe...

Is this some properly fucked up interpretation of GDPR or what??!

We must capture your personal information, for no reason other than to prove we're not abusing your personal information??

Jesus Fuck, is it so hard to slap a motherfucking 'Delete Account' button somewhere on that trashpile of 5000 different Javascript-frameworks and bootstrap you call website?!
No I don't want to deactivate it, I want you to DELETE all the information you have on me, preferably without having to fucking beg some low-life suppport agent in India (no offense intended) via E-Mail to do his goddamn duty...

How does GDPR affect you as a freelancer in mobile/web development?

I'm asking because I eventually plan on freelancing but I have no clue how to deal with these stuff.

So... Intense pillowtalk with the wife the other night regarding the coming enforcement of the new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) law in the EU after a while turns into nerdy dirty talk.

Me: *Whisper in a sleazy voice like the dirty malware that I am*: So... Why don't you just open up all your inbound firewall ports for me...
Her: Hell no... But I might just make an exception in the private domain just for you...

The year of 2018 is slowly coming to it end, so how about summing it up in a few keywords ?

I start : Bitcoin, Spectre/Meltdown, GDPR, Facebook-out-Linux-in, A.I., Elon Musk, Corporate fuckups(fb,g..), Cheap & Good smartphones

Just a few random ones, hope you come up with better summary:)

Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter

Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox

This is why we need a product owner

Lately I feel like my job mostly consists of placing cookie banners, and calming down customers on the phone who freak out that they don't have a cookie banner and a privacy statement yet - OMG the deadline is tomorrow 😱😱😱. It's like suddenly everyone suddenly remembers they have a website. And of course everything needs to be done yesterday. Sorry, I'm not a magician.

GDPR at its finest.

The internet got so broken with these gdpr-popups, it just isn't fun anymore.
If it didn't razz you right in the beginning, you know it's going to happen in a few seconds.

On the bright side, with all these privacy update emails, it has given me a chance to unsubscribe from all the shitty newsletters that I subscribed loooong back and to delete unwanted spam accounts that I don't use anymore.

Thanks GDPR!

anyone else being caught up in GDPR tasks lately? we are having a huge cookie banner debate at work lately and temper has been running high because there are still some insecurities amongst the devs about the technical requirements.

useless fucking client bastards. i sent an email to all clients 2 months ago about gdpr and the impending deadline. Explaining that they need to update privacy and check webforms and internal procedures etc are compliant. I said I would help them implement any changes to their respective sites. Heard nothing from these fuckers... except this morning an email “what does the new gdpr mean for our website?”
FUCK OFF AND READ MY EMAIL, FOLLOW THE LINKS DO THE RESEARCH AND FUCKING SORT YOUR CUNTING SELVES OUT, I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING LAWYER.

Because of GDPR I receive lot of mails: "we love to keep our relationship", "we really like to present you future offers", "please click here to give your accept", etc.
Me: move email to trash!

I feel I should open a github repo, for people to contribute privacy policy parts into, have say folders like "google analytics" and then whenever people encounter those in the wild, add examples there, so people could fetch together a full privacy policy for free, as all those new cashgrab websites are just fucking insane. But I am not really sure, if that would find any contributors tbh sadly.

P.S: I seem to have developed now a third sense, when the devrant post cooldown is down, so I can rant more lol, because whenever I feel like posting the thought or rant, the cooldown is just about to expire

OMG ... please.
Digital era 2018 - Data secuity forum.
Main topic - GDPR.
First talker talks about blockchain.

Well, that's a diffrent approach to gdpr.

It took straight 2 minutes to send 3 values to their server and even then it failed, just fucking great, what fills my eyes with blood is how calm the message is supposed to sound, you fuck can't receive opt-outs over https, what?!

When scammers want to follow GDPR regulations - the worst SCAM ever 🤦‍♂️

Long story:
I have just received a SMS message, informing me that my phone number is in several marketing databases. It also had a link to the website called stop-sms.pl, where you're supposed to be able to unsubscribe from those lists. At this moment I felt a little bit confused - the SMS seemed suspicious, but on the other hand who doesn't want to get rid of all this SMS crap. So I carefully followed the link to see the website with a form to fill with personal data - phone number included 😆 If that is not enough to realize that this is just a lame scam website, just below the input where you enter the phone number there are Terms and Conditions where it directly states that: "By filling the form you agree that your personal data (name, email, phone number) will be used for marketing purposes." - WTF?!

Who the f... gets fooled by such crap?! 😂😂😂

Just got the most aggressive GDPR email so far, the title was "accept or we delete your account" the email contained lot of bullshit and at the end it says "if you don't accept our current terms of service, we will delete your account" and a very low res "yes I accept" button smashed 4 times throughout the entire email, well, watch if I care, just making it even easier for me to ignore that shit.

People who are cribbing about privacy e-mail bombardment because of GDPR, why did you sign up on so many porn sites?

So I just bought an iubenda GDPR privacy policy, and literally filled it with any services I ever used, ever seen, ever could come in handy and have a genuine laugh how it would look like, if one single website used all the services, with all the options.

Great 9$ for sure, now I'll probably make myself a template generator, that removes and adds things, depending on what services I use.

!rant

> be me, tidying a bit
> "oh, still have a Twitter account, going to delete it"
> logs in
> WE HAVE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICIES, YOU MUST AGREE
> doesn't agree
> "Oh noes, if you don't agree that will trigger your account deactivation process 😫"
> gdpr-how-do-they-work.jpg
> oh noes, indeed 😏
> click [Ok, deactivate my account]
> well, that was way quicker and easier than expected !

Thanks GDPR for this, thanks Twitter for not complying, saved me some hassle !

Art. 17 GDPR Right to erasure (‘right to be forgotten’) is one of the aspects of the GDPR I really appreciate.

What service(s) are you going to contact about exerciseing your right?

Those GDPR nag screens actually are more damaging than useful. Nobody has the energy to jump through the hoops all different sites set up for you to opt-out of tracking. Yet you will constantly see those pages if you have opted out.

If you use some privacy extensions that block tracking cookies and stuff, you will keep getting those nag screens, because they have no idea whether you have seen it or not (because of no tracking)

So browsing the web has become the constant of:

1) Search something
2) Deal with nagscreens
3) See the page
4) Go to other page
5) Repeat from step two

I wonder what this will lead to? People are less likely to visit random pages and stick to ones they have account on? Will darknet become more popular? Will somebody design some standard way to get rid of this nagscreen wave?

How will the new GDPR law impact Non-EU citizens?

Okay Xing I fucking got it. GDPR is there...

Am I the only guy using the GDPR emails as a to-do list? For each email I either delete the account with that service OR I take the opportunity to change the password. Tedious? Yeah. Satisfying? You bet!

I see all these people complaining about their inbox blowing up with "spam" but how many of those accounts or services do you still use? I bet over half of them were only signed up for to try their demo and then forgotten about.

That is one way to do it.

oh, I wasn't sure at first what that meant, thanks

Why is nobody talking about Article 13? It's even worse than the Net Neutrality thing!

Better late than never I guess.....

I'm feeling like writing this down...

So today I got told off by my boss. Why? Because my job bores me.

My current title, "webmaster", is quite similar to "plumber" where I work. I fix holes on our websites, and I tell "qualified" people (external providers) how a project should be made. Nothing exciting, nothing creative, boring.

So I got told off today for being "laid-back" in a newsletter project (GDPR, looking at you) and not being thorough in my procedures of testing and configuration. Fair enough, I didn't care and I admitted it. It's a boring drag-and-drop done in literally 5 minutes, there's no added brain-value here. Plus I got told off by my IT Manager because our Exchange server would not let me receive test emails. Still doesn't work after a day. Yay.

Then she said "we're doing exciting things here, it's not always the case anywhere else you'd work". And I'm like: "really? I love writing code, seeing things coming alive, investigating why things don't run smoothly, writing efficient code (both in performance and in readability)". I hear many friend devs telling me they're doing that and what they do during their "dev-day"... All I'm doing here is "maintenance" (a.k.a boring) stuff that apparently is "exciting". Adding a <script> to handle google tag manager is hell fun, going through compiled CSS and change color values is also thrilling, finding out if a PDF handler application can handle PDF files, re-plugging a computer monitor to make it work...

I think she meant that I'm not at my place here.

Didn't want to tell her that I have no motivation in doing things I don't enjoy making, i.e, my job.

Good thing I have an interview in two weeks

Raise your hand if your ready for the GDPR on the 25th may.

Raise your glass if your getting shitfaced so you don't have to think about how many ways you're not.

Did GDPR actually make ANY difference to how our data is handled?

How do you celebrate GDPR? By having a breach

Fuck my life

How ethical it is to send 1gb email with big picture with word “NO” in response to spam email that wants my agreement ?

I. hate. Twitter. So. Much.
Well I don't hate Twitter as whole, but their "Contact Us" page is just plain fucking awful.
So, in my country the required age to give consent on my own to collect data is 16. I was 15 at the time when the fucking shithole of a law that is GDPR rolled around, so Twitter locked my account due to me having 15 years. Fair enough.
Couple months passed and now I'm 16. So my account should be unlocked now right? Nope. Still locked. So ok, maybe they don't have a system that auto-unlocks accounts. So I click the "Get started" button. That brings me to a form where I should fill our my parents email. But there is also an option to click a link if you think your account was locked by a mistake. So I click that. Now it should bring me to another form where I tell Twitter why they should unlock my account. BUT THE COCKSUCKER THAT DESIGNED THE FUCKHOLE OF A NAVIGATION FORGOT TO GIVE ACCESS TO ACCOUNTS THAT ARE LOCKED BY GDPR. SO IT REDIRECTS ME BACK TO THE "PICK YOUR FORM" PAGE WHERE ALL THE FORMS BUT THE "GIVE US EMAIL OF YOUR PARENTS" ARE FUCKING LOCKED TO ME!
So now I'm stuck in the endless fuckhole that is the Twitter "Contact Us" page.
btw my first rant...

I dont think that's how GDPR and OPT-IN cookies work, ya fuckin dingus (screenshot from arstechnica[.]com)

Gdpr thing aside...

Does anybody read the new policy...

I just did for 2 apps (intel driver software and 9ga.. You know it)...

On the things that they collected on the side without you knowing include:
9ga:
Device memory, language, battery level, timezone, unique device identifiers, compass, accelorometer and microphone... Even service provider and signal strength

Intel:
Website you visit, how you use your computer(vague too vague) and computing environment.

Did anybody knew for sure before this that their apps are listening to them? That they just made a profile of you with all the data?

With all this they dont even need your ip they already know who you are and what you do on a daily basis...

There are 20 more but it will be waaay too much to write about. These 2 are way worse since 9ga doesnt use microphone for anything... And why a driver reads what websites i am going to?

I really feel the need to just blacklist the entire EU, to not deal with additional shit like gdpr, I do see its benefits, but I am already busy with getting my client approved by paywalls, other services and get all that bullshit integrated - I really don't need having to also shit out some very detailed statement about it all, if you want something like that, then create a generator that gives me all you want with couple clicks, else get fucked outta my sight.

“come to the dark side - we've got cookies" gets a totally new meaning after the GDPR came to be.

Today is Day Two of my Dev Ops Internship.

The only tasks I have been assigned today is GDPR compliance training, which I did not realize could be stretched out into so much repetitive detail.

I also sat in a meeting with a dev who committed his artifact builds to git and now needs us to remove them for him.

Also, I keep getting called Dylan. My name is not Dylan.

GDPR is about to happen.
Has anyone read the provisions?
It's like they put some flat earther anti-vaxers in a room and made them scribble up a law.

For those who don't know - it's a new, EU-wide "data privacy" law that's about to take effect on May 25th.

The gist of it is that if you fuck up even a little bit, you get to personally pay a fine of up to 10 Million Euros (for companies there's a separate clause, this is for employees only), or/and 2-3 years in jail if that fuck-up has caused material damages.
That little fuck-up can be as simple as losing a tiny amount of data between back-ups, or entrusting a third party with full access to some data (which is not prohibited) without controlling 100% what he can do with that data (which IS prohibited).

I shit you not, these are the explicit articles of that law.

If it is enforced in this way, it is the swift death of European economy. Just because some retards didn't read the privacy policy before agreeing to it, and then made a shit storm, everyone has to suffer.

I find it very ironic how I'm getting all those GDPR emails from companies that I've never signed up for, which now claim that they care about my privacy.

The award for the worst GDPR popup goes to....

"We value your privacy, that's why we want you to agree to all of these tracking cookies."

Fucking GDPR, is getting on my nerves now, can't go anywhere without encountering a cookie wall.

When the new gdpr came out there was a old website which was a table and there were no includes so I would've had to copy and paste the privacy link to every single page. So I wrote some JavaScript that finds the a Tag with a specific text inside and if it matched it placed a new a tag next to it for the privacy link. Works flawlessly so far but it is the hackiest thing I have ever done 😅

I have to confess something... As you all know the new GDPR law is right around the corner and I am a web developer. That means we had to update all our websites so they comply with the new law. On one website (which was quite old) I had to add a link to the privacy page in the footer. Which doesn't sound too bad but... there was no include file for the footer and I there were a lot of sites I would have to edit. So I did my first ever hack...

I added a js script in the headscripts include which was on every site and it looked for the imprint link. If it found the imprint link it placed the privacy link right next to it. This was the hackiest thing I ever did.

I am truly sorry....

On other GDPR news: ICANN has now made an exception to european TLDs (not .com, .net, etc.) so that they don't have to provide the WHOIS information at all, so there is no need to even "protect" it.

Recruiters company emailed me to accept their privacy statement. I asked them what kind of information they got from me. Get an email back with: your information is deleted. I didn't expected that. It's clearly to hard to just send me the info...

One plus of all this GDPR emailing bullshit is that it's spurred me to unsubscribe from everything.

Some people don't send an email. 🙏🏻😔

OMFG eiwixjjwofiwprjcozkajh.... THE MOTHERFUCKING GDPR IS EVERYWHERE, I WENT TO A GROCERY STORE AND THEY PUT AN ANNOUNCEMENT ON FUCKING REPEAT, BEGGEING THEIR CUSTOMERS WITH THEIR "BONUS CLUB" CARDS TO SIGN A CONSENT AT THE CASH REGISTER!!! ON A FUCKING REPEAT!!! THE ONLY THING THESE MOTHERFUCKING ARSEHOLES ARE ACHIEVING IS ME GETTING SO PISSED OFF THAT I ALMOST SLAPPED THE CASHIER WHO ASKED ME IF I HAVE GOT THEIR "BONUS CLUB" CARD! CUNTS!

Just funny to see how a lot of campanies send emails because of their changed privacy policies.

Some explain it to you and are quite pleasing (e.g. Tapatalk), but most are quite neutal about it and add sugarcoated reasons for updating their policies (besides that they're forced by law).

Quite funny to watch how every coorp explains the same thing in their way.

-----

Maybe we can make this post into a collection of funny, weird or otherwise remarkable mails regarding this policy update.

-----

Image: Some of those mails and the content of the Tapatalk one:

To my dear friends complaining about GDPR, if companies providing free services in exchange for users data didn't fuck up completely, there wouldn't be any GDPR. In history, regulations always come after people fuck ups, uncle Bob has some nice talks about that.

3 weeks after the GDPR panic I tought there would be no more annoying mails and stuff. But then I had an appointment at the dentist.

"Hi, I have an appointment"
"Wait a minute. We updated our privacy policy. Did you already signed it?"

The last highway zucc meme.

Along with the usual sheet of our contact data that our school gives us to check if it is still correct, we now also get a nice, thick layer of privacy policy because of the GDPR. Nice!

Boss of the company I'm working in flew in from Morroco to Paris to discuss what to do about GDPR (yeah today). One of the sysadmin was fired last month and the other barely knows anything. Since I work on system administration as an intern I was expecting some serious work. The meeting with the tech team went on for two hours (which I didn't attend). At the end of it, I went to the only guy in the office who speaks English and asked him, "Hey, so what are we doing about GDPR?".
He replies, "Well, the boss just decided that we're not going to tell the auditors about our offices in two other countries (which is outside Europe and hosts most of the servers)".

Wow seeing so many GDPR fails at the moment. This is in the 94% game app. Nice of them to ask, unfortunately you have to accept!

Asked a client how they were getting on with the GDPR preparations, knowing they sometimes ask me to check documentation and such.

them: "Whats the GDPR"

me: "its the new European privacy law coming near the end of May, its ok, most of the work should be covered by your PCI DSS compliance paperwork with a few tweaks."

them: "oh, we just pay the non-compliance fee for that"

me: "wait what? well whose your data controller registered under the ICO required due to cctv being used"

them: "oh isnt that optional?"

me: "ok so heres my hourly, or i can quote for the whole compliance project"

I know not everyone is tech minded and GDPR hasnt been that well advertised, but jeez...

To y'all complaining about services informing about updated policies..
That's like complaining about murder being illegal. It's a damn law. Of course this specific one is bullshit.
Read the fucken GDPR and stfu if you are from the EU.😊

One question about the GDPR:
Can one say you have to remove all Data about him including things like IP-Bans? Because then you could not punish someone for breaking your rules.
How is that handled?

Will using Windows XP for healthcare-data be illegal under the GDPR?

June is gonna be a fun month full of lawsuits/investigations 🎉

Does GDPR apply for web only? If *hypothetically* I've network of RPI's in the city which scans for BLE devices and tries to build some behavioural patterns combinig Mac addresses so later the data could be sold.

Should anyone accept some privacy policies in this case? :D

Today's GDPR-Bullshittery.

So we are using an open source remote update system for updating our embedded devices.
And today we learned that, that system logs ip-adress'. And low and behold mr.GDPR says that is a no no.

So either we completely drops it, finds a new update system and implements it..
Sift through all the source code of the update system "fix" it and recompile it.
Or we setup a Man in the middle attack on ourselves. To mask the ip-adress'.

GDPR encouraging hacking ourselves I fucking love it!

One month remaining until the new European Union regulation will be brought into force.

When you search for those letters here, you’ll see a lot of developers bending over to the EU and being happy about it. Some of them are even happy that it will kill a lot of small and medium businesses.

Large companies like Google have found ways to bypass the law, so regulatory forces will earn money by flocking small businesses or individuals with decades-old debts that will be also paid by the grandchildren (40 million euro).

You may not like GDPR but it will change one important thing - american companies will stop email spam. Srsly, in Europe you always had to check box that you want marketing spam. USA companies always worked in opt-out mode, which is soooo annoying

When your gdpr build breaks to the point where it breaches every new regulation.

If I remember you, your name, email address etc, in my head, does that make me a data controller for GDPR purposes?

Do I have to forget you on command?

If I ask a company to delete and never store any information about me again, can they store that? 🤔

Brace yourselves, the GDPR pop ups are coming.

Just got this gem from Facebook.

Am I the only one who genuinely appreciates all the updated privacy policies and opt-in notices I'm getting? The GDPR seems like an unequivocally good thing, to me.