They aren't "objects", they are a "class" apart...

I'm disappointed SIMULA isn't on here

Meh.

Humans are objects. We're all meatbags, we eat, sleep, poop, and sometimes we're desirable in a real fucking raw way.

Other humans apparently also have feelings and desires, goals and personalities, and respond well when you respect their boundaries.

I'd say Haskell wins once again... just define them with a polymorphic type signature.