Root ain't givin' no fucks no mo'

My boss just demanded that I join a conference call. So, I call in, and there's three other people there.

He starts chewing me out for talking with some vendor directly (their VP emailed me directly and asked for a few things, and i was instructed to make him happy). Apparently I used "confusing wording" and "did not talk his language." Bossman was really getting into gear for a ten-minute berating.

It turns out that the guy in question only read half of my first email, and totally ignored the second email where I told him everything was finished and live and working. I told my boss quite bluntly that the guy should have read what I had written, and that he was an idiot. The boss's defense of the guy? "Well, he's a sales guy." I just laughed at him.

Later, bossman started in on me (once again) for not making enough progress on this ridiculous shared-spreadsheet sales tool he wants, saying "We discussed this a week ago!"

I casually reminded him that we had talked about it for the first time ever on Friday night (today is Tuesday), and he had said it wasn't going to be a priority for the next three weeks(!). Again he stopped in his tracks. Again, I laughed at him.

Guy's a tool and I'm so done with caring.

Root's going to be flippant and angry. Root's going to have fun (:

What's he gonna do, fire me? 😂

  • 55
    I was going to mention you 😅
  • 66
    Root needs to tone the savage up a bit more and proceed to keep us informed!
  • 48
    @Stuxnet She will indeed!
  • 65
    A trick I've employed in the past when unreasonable demands with vague specs are involved is to push inevitable requirements back on the boss.

    "I've attached a document with a list of questions around the specification of what you need. If you get that back to me and let me know when you want me to start work on this specifically, I'll take a look."

    Said document almost always gets ignored, as it's not a priority. 2 weeks later...

    "How are we doing with x that we talked about implementing?"
    "Same situation. I can get started as soon as we agree a date, and you get the spec doc back to me."
    "What doc now?"

    ...forwards email from two weeks ago...

  • 31
    @Root absolutely kicked ass there and I definitely wanna hear it if there is a follow-up of this. Be angry if need be.
    PS: I really love the writing style of this rant 😊
  • 18

    @Root has lost her shit, this is going to be goooooood!!
  • 13
    Have all the fun
    Go you!
  • 30
    @notlikethis because the boss is a "sales guy." To him, everything besides sales is secondary. Sales is his entire world. He had a bookshelf at the previous office that was completely. filled. with books on sales. He practices sales pitches whenever he talks. Whenever he opens his mouth, he's selling, be it about his opinion of the weather, which car is best, or why I should work on unimportant project Q instead of priority project A. He listens only enough to whatever you say to use it as a lead-in for his sales pitch response.

    He's a salesman trying to play CEO, and failing miserably.

    Also, he's an asshole that pretends to be nice. Why? You guessed it: because it helps him sell.
  • 8
    @notlikethis and yeah, I've been looking for work (during work hours, too! 😅) for the past month+.

    See my previous rants for lots of humorous and infuriating stories about this place and the asshole salesman king himself.
  • 8
    Root is root, and you dont want to mess with anyone who is root because root can easily take your systems down.
  • 21
    @tokumei Destruction isn't my thing, but a DoS via walking out the door and watching them crash? Totally my style.
  • 2
    I might suggest giving the person a copy of this book:


    The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It - by Michael E. Gerber
  • 3
    > He's a salesman trying to play CEO,

    > and failing miserably.

    I've met those, both before they failed, and afterwards.

    I've noticed in life, few people take notice of advice when you say to them that they need to change direction, improve this, etc.

    The few that do take notice, I've seen to be very successful. :-)
  • 3
    Root needs to stop working for this tool and be her own boss/founder.
  • 4
    Is it just me or does talking about oneself in third person makes it sound even more badass?
  • 3
    You know, in Bavaria, we say "Dem daad amoi a watschn gonz guad". I'm gonna let you guess what that means.
  • 2
    > Just need to let them fire you and not rage

    > quit to get that sweet unemployment.

    Some countries, if you get fired, you don't get unemployment benefit for 6 months !
  • 2
    > I have been burned too many times

    > working on verbal requests.

    I'm reminded of a friend who records all his phone conversations.

    And I remember some years ago during an argument with a then girlfriend, who said "But I didn't say that!", stopped arguing when I played back a recording I had happend to have made the last time the subject came up and we talked about it..

    She did say that !

    As such, one might want to record everything around you, 24/7..

    Also, if you do email someone, you need them to email you back to confirm they got the email, otherwise they try the, but I never got the email rouse..

    There is also the, but I never got the attachment rouse too.. (Sometimes true when email systems like to strip out things that could cause issues..)

    How many times have you tried to send an MS Word Doc only for some email filter to eat it up along the way and then have to send the same thing as a PDF file which is less problematic.
  • 1
    Of course, you then have to find a converter that makes your Word Doc look 100% the same in PDF format..
  • 3
    @ilPinguino I'm completely unable to translate that 🙁
  • 4
    @Root it roughly translates to "that guy would deserve a slap to the face"
  • 6
    Some more gems from our last conference call! Greentexts are bossman quotes, responses are mine.

    > The sales team knows it, and who knows better than us?


    > I don't want you talking to [third-party vendor] again, even if he emails you directly. He's a sales guy, his contact point should be the sales team.

    I am totally fine with that. The fewer sales people there are in my life, the better.

    > All of these features are important because everything is about the sales pitch.

    Shouldn't we be focused on fulfilling promises to our existing merchants, not making new ones?

    > I am a promise-maker; you are a promise-keeper.

    So that's what sales is! Promises other people have to keep.

    So far, no explosive anger from him; I'm really quite surprised. (There was more, but I don't remember them.)
  • 1
    @AlmondSauce love this; doing the samr: Make sure they have to play catch up with you
  • 1
    @Root Thanks for the update! I'm enjoying this... :)
  • 1
    Good for you, Root, try and get a better job though, sound's like hell.
  • 3
    I love this site.. you can actually be toxic without getting fucked over immediately.
  • 3
    @hopsinat Welcome to devrant
  • 1
    @Root wow...are you working at my company?? That sounds 100% like my boss/ceo
  • 2
    This rant made me happy because I realized devRant ist still awesome and
    @Root still kicks asses if needed
  • 0
    @Root Are you working for my old boss?!!!
  • 1
    @LogicBomb Gift card company?
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