can't. do. anything.

raaaaaghhh

Maybe, you should focus on what feels good instead of what you want. And if you've done that for a while, you have energy to do what you want.

It's why I did quit every standard, framework, lintingshit regarding my software development. And oh, i have fun like a kid. I know how shit is done. But i also know it doesn't make my happy at all. I'm so happy that i did let go.

What's stopping you?

@retoor but getting what I want makes me happy!

actually that's not true since I never get what I want I don't know if that would be true!

but in my vocabulary... understanding... what I want would make me happy =-=

how else would you know what makes you happy =-=

@D-4got10-01 my own inability, stupidity, but I can also helplessly blame external factors but I'm too enlightened to seriously do that in any way but a joke

frankly probably the brain damage. been ripping my hair out all day. sigh. by the point I wanna bonk myself with a stick a few times as a form of stress relief

@jestdotty i know it sucks to think about it that way, it also sucks to say it, but.., maybe you'd be happier if you accepted the fact that you are fucked and stopped pushing yourself to do things you can't?

Switch to another role, eg mgmt. Or change your profession. Your salary might drop, sure. But maybe, just maybe, removing the 'constant state of frustration' factor in your bau would boost your life quality and make you happier? Wdyt?

Every other day I consider for a moment how good my career life is and what would I do if my hands, eyes, brain were damaged and I could no longer continue. How would I change my career, what would be the next best thing that I could do for € and still be happy with my life [considering].
Maybe stop for a moment and try that?

Who knows, if you gave yourself a long enough break from this constant headbanging, maybe smth will click inside after a month, a year or two and you will be back to your pre-covid self? Maybe you won't even want to be the old you after finding chill and happiness elsewhere?

Thing about it.

You don't MUST be in IT :) it was your choice. You surely have accumulated other skills in your life - maybe use them now. Maybe you have a hobby you could monetize. Maybe farming -- eggs are profitable nowadays, I hear 😁

maybe use your contacts and start your own business, puppeteering other devs/devops and managing client relations and risks yourself, leaving tech work for your minions?

@jestdotty Is starting w/ something smaller && less complex an option for you? It could be easier to start there && walk your way up, given your circumstances.

Sometimes, you need the small win.

Don't worry dot, I believe in you and blame Rust :) I had Delphi as language that was never really comfii to me. Don't matter how much I wrote it, it remained in comfii. Also, only reason I had to do it was financially, my bos wanted it. Lack of Delphi devs. But also made me unhappii.

@netikras I'm unemployed. I had one job and it was a toxic shithole so bad it gave me PTSD and that was over 6 years ago. taking a break did not make me feel better

no, this is hobby stuff

and I'm still unemployed. only reason why I'm alive is I learned some finance and made a good bet with crypto

while I would like normal income because I have plans further than "survive", like a house and land and kids (though I'm getting old here), I don't even know in terms of job prospects. computers were the thing I was good at as a kid, cuz they're so logical and that fit me and relaxed me unlike humans which confused me and kind of were a terror to deal with, or at least always annoying

@netikras pre COVID and post COVID I was fine. it was the vaccine probably. yay

This, is, Spar,taaaa!

Then it is now time for setting aside some time to think what makes you happy and do self-reflecting about what makes you happy. while(true){why();}

HWAT IS HAPPINESS

@jestdotty It's about 'What is love', but hmm... close enough.

https://youtube.com/watch/... .

/jk

@jestdotty What is happiness.. Is it possibly.. the freedom to make choices.. and to respect yourself.. to meet Maslow's hierarchy of needs... is it not..?