End user when criticizing a developer for 'taking long' to create something of value from scratch:
(4 hours later): "What's taking you so damn long? Are you retarded?"

Oh I don't know, maybe I have to make sure that tests in my code run well, maybe I have to evaluate everything to meet the custom satisfactions of the user for his ever-so-custom requirements and I also have to make sure I discard what they don't like? And maybe it takes time to deliver a quality product, and so on?
Or would you prefer I deliver an untested product that I didn't bother to think about and I haven't bothered to make sure it matches with their requirements?

What end users don't understand is the involvement in a quality product.

As a developer it is so hard to keep up with all of the emerging technologies, especially all the freaking Javascript frameworks and fad libraries. As if that wasn't enough, they have to give these things weird ass names. Ffs.

When I graduated and I applied for jobs, companies were all over me and I was flooded with phone calls and e-mails of recruiters. For each job I applied for, I would get a reply 9 out of 10 times.

Now, 2 years later, 1 year in the field and jobless, I get zero replies and no one is interested in me anymore. Most of them say that they don't want someone who's worked for only 6 months in one company and a few months in others. It isn't even my fault.

Weird..
Has anyone experienced this?

So I just got rejected for a job for being too introverted.

They were very impressed with my advanced and broad technical knowledge but they said I'm "too introverted to hang out with cool, young people". That's ageism and that's illegal. Anyway.

I have more knowledge than most senior specialist devs (I've worked with them and I know them) but just because I'm a reserved and thinking person, I'm not welcome in this society of idiots and I don't get a job.

Two words: fuck society.

Is a company bad if it puts constant pressure on developers to quickly deliver bits and pieces of functionality the client desires with little attention to quality? The focus is then on pleasing the client at the most shallow level by providing a stream of quick fixes, only to be met with an equal amount of bug reports, even after the full testing stack by the testing team.

How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

Quality takes time.

Why is it that a lot of developers don't have the most basic of Windows knowledge? For example, a lot of people complaining about Windows Update. I mean, it's just a setting you can configure and a service you can stop and turn off..

It all sounds ironic.

You know what would be nice? The Devrant desktop client having the same functionality as the mobile client, like for example 'mute notifs for this rant'. If someone could JS that, that would be cool.

Gmail > create new rule > Subject contains "Privacy Policy" > move to [Privacy Policy BS]

Hooray! I was going fucking mental from the daily Privacy Policy e-mails. Computaas help us.

One of the barriers to professional software development is OCD.

Is this code right? No, fix. Wait, no, still not right.
Did I just commit this? Check again.. did jira reload properly? Wait, checking again, did I commit this? Checking. Did I commit this? Checking. Is my mind fooling me about committing this? Checking.

while(true){
goCrazy();
}

Funny thing I like to do sometimes that I learned from the movie called Office Space:

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Stupid harassing recruiters.

DO YOU NOT SEE ON MY PROFILE THAT I AM WORKING?!

Fucking creeps.

After a while of functioning as a dev, I've learned one of many lessons:

The amount of experience you have does not correlate with your expertise, but it in fact correlates with the amount of absolutely broken shit you've seen and your ability deal with it.

PO: "Hurry the fuck up!"
me: "Well I'm sorry but no amount of wanting will speed up development. Development is complicated. Understand that".

Non-techies are super irritating.

I hate debugging shit I don't like.

What's up with guys and girls using the 'def' word? It's like they're speaking Python.

guy: "sup babe. Wanna grab coffee later?"
girl: "def baby"

Dial 555-Captain-Rant

Truth.

Honestly guys, I don't like to go to meetups and I'll tell you why:

You just sit there listening to a badly explained piece of the puzzle by some guys who care more about networking credit than the technology itself.
I know there are meetups with real enthusiasts but even then, I find the level of depth very unsatisfactory because they barely scratch the surface on the topic.
You end up leaving the event having wasted your time and your evening, while you could have been out doing something much more fun.

Here's what I do: I look up the meeting details and I see what they're going to talk about. Then, I look up information about that and I study it on my own.

Advantages:

* I get a lot more information than a mere one or two vague words about the topic combined with some silly demo that doesn't really teach anyone anything at all

* I get to digest the information at my processing speed

* I don't have to deal with the stress of trying to make small talk with people I don't know

I'm sure someone has felt like this at one point or another, especially in corporate.

If only more devs would use short, yet concise, modern constructs instead of archaic ones.

For example in C#: using lambdas, extension methods, LinQ,.. much easier to read through if you know how these work, rather than having to spend all day scanning tedious for-loops and over-engineered classes your colleagues wrote who don't know any better.

Examples:

vs.foreach(v => console.write(v));

initialList = secondList.Where(p => initialList.Contains(p, valueComparer))
.Concat(initialList.Where(p => !secondList.Contains(p, valueComparer))).ToList();

You know what I hate? The periods close to a new release. It's that annoying time that managers start heaving impatiently to developers: "Push out new hotfixes! Push out new hotfixes!". Fuck you, man. Don't stress a developer. Kthx. If you think developing is so easy, come do it yourself, you IT-ignorant buffoon.

You constantly see these professional profiles with labels such as 'Expert'/10 years experience/senior/CTO/CIO/Consultant.

Isn't it funny when you go and work with these people in the field, they appear to be frauds? How can these people legitimately have these titles and know less than a snotty freshman year student? Their knowledge is so poor, a 14-year old with basic Windows and Javascript knowledge could outmatch them. If only this weren't true.

I think it's very unfair because they attract employers and they even get hired, while some of us with veteran knowledge in several fields don't get considered for a job.

May I add that it's always the funny guys who get a job. Apparently being a relatable frat bro at an interview is more important than having priceless expert knowledge.

Bureaucracy is the biggest impediment to progress.

Instead of putting a brick wall in front of you by saying "The PO said that you created a bug", learn how to communicate and have a horizontal hierarchy, for fuck's sake.
Even if all my tests passed, they still throw other bugs in my face and call it my fault. Fantastic. I love Scrum. This is not Scrum, this is abusing and not respecting Scrum.

Stupid rules, stupid people.

Call me a novice, but isn't the point of a user story to be concise, limited in scope and only concerning one purpose? Kind of like a class should only have one responsibility.

This stupid other reviewer developer comes whining at me saying I broke some shit in my user story and that I need to fix it. The weirdest part is that I didn't break anything. I wrote all my tests, they all passed and yep, this guy has the nerve to come and say that I broke other shit. Well genius, if it's OTHER SHIT, then it belongs as a bug in ANOTHER STORY. What the fuck man, seriously.
A few minutes of debugging later, I found out it was someone else who broke some code earlier on a piece that was part of my part of the application.

Why are others so quick to blame? This is unprofessional. OMG I DISCOVERED AN ERROR, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE TO BLAME BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IGNORANT GUY BECAUSE YOUR TITLE IS JUNIOR DEVELOPER!
Right.

Companies like these, people, have bad communication. Bad companies.

Do you guys have a Mr. favorite (developer) at your company?

I've seen such a guy in at least two companies I worked for. He's always sucking the boss' dick and everyone favors his decisions above everyone else's decisions even though that's completely unfair and unhealthy.

Ahh.. there is nothing like the joyous feeling of writing a working piece of code for your own personal projects.

I spent several weeks and a few hours today to finally get my Python automation script working and I am very proud of myself.

Here's what it does:
* open a text file, extract a specific string from it using rather complicated xpath
* open another text file and do the same
* replace result 1 with result 2
* log results
* close file
* automate the process

Even though it looks easy, I had to mess around with a lot of problems such as permissions, indentation, stream writing, file status, etc.

Now, instead of having to manually do this job, I can just let my machine do it!

"What the fuck did you do to my phone?" has got to be the most irritating line from a user ever. I didn't touch your phone, so just because I know IT that means I messed up your phone? That's stupid.

bash.org, this website always cracks me up. Never gets old.

A few hilarious samples, if you will:

http://bash.org/?23601
<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

http://www.bash.org/?14258
<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

How do I block someone on DevRant?