19
Astatos
2y

!rant

Hey all, I just wanted to spread some aware to mental health issues in this industry since I'm very close to burn out according to my psychiatrist.
I'm not even 25 years old, just worked 1 1/2 years full time and 3 years apprenticeship before that. So, I'm pretty young and "new" as a software developer.
Many projects got wrong horribly and fights with the clients felt as they were carried out on the back of the developers. Timings and specifications were communicated poorly, deadlines were undoable but no one listened.
I thought, this is normal. Now, after weeks of on-off-working because of reoccurring small illnesses, clearly caused by the permanently high stress levels, my psychiatrist, which I visited yesterday for the first time, was totally shocked. She was surprised, I could even handle it so long. That hit me quite a bit. I already expected it to be bad, but close to burn out... That came, I don't want to say unexpected, but quite unexpected.
It was really hard holding the tears back while telling her my story.
And now here I am. I'm currently on sick leave till the end of the year (then my employment at this company ends) and I feel bad for them, to leave them. I know, they could use my knowledge and abilities, but I shouldn't damage my mental health even more.
I will not work for the entire January. If my psychiatrist thinks, I shouldn't work in February as well, I will do so even though my plan was to work again.
I will not work full time again, since my brain seems to not be able to handle it. Maybe some time in the future.

This turned out to be way more sad than expected. I just wanna leave this here. Thanks for reading.

If you people are in such horrible situations, try to break out.

Comments
  • 2
    I wholeheartedly wish you the very best.
    Don't feel bad. No job in this world should be worth destroying yourself. Always be your own priority #1 and only let the project management decide on #3-x.
    And no one ever could hold this against you while being a decent human being.
  • 0
    i think i've been burnt out for the last 5 years. not much actual real. leave that i can afford to take, though.

    and home is only a bit less stressful than works have been.
  • 3
    Thank you for writing this, because I need encouragement myself in order to see a doctor really because I feel the same.

    I wish you the best!

    And find something FUN to code!
  • 1
    If you are thinking about seeing a doctor, don't wait. I waited far too long until I've developed panic disorder. And even after that I waited for a half year until I can't handled it anymore. After I seen a doctor there was a 3 week sick leave in which I had to knock out myself every day to calm down (they gave me a strong sedative). I leaved that company soon after all this shit.
    The experience at work was the same as you described and I also thought that it was the normal and I was weak.
    Now this is my second year of rehabilitation. I have to take antidepressants every day until I can handle the stress again :(

    It is not your fault if you can't handle it nor your brain is weak. Fuck those companies and try to find one that is good to you, not the other way around.

    I wish you recover fast.
  • 0
    @M1sf3t I respect your experience and person, but this definitely is NOT what "most people go through". I got a closer peek at this than only this post and it actually was a pretty bad environment that most people would get worn down by.
    There is no weakness or feeding bullshit in this story.
    Most people who hear those stories from that place are shocked and angry from the amount of stress and ignorance met there.
  • 0
    Don't want to be rude, but take a few serious minutes and think... why is the job affecting you?

    Being a developer is not hard, not rocket science and I'm sure that none of us have landed on Mars a few weeks ago...

    It's just a job, and yes, you have to interact with clients, you have the deadlines, and so on... but there are a lot of harder jobs.

    We are just standing in front of a monitor, taking more or less breaks, dealing with normal things...
  • 0
    We work in front of comfy desks, in comfy chairs, inside comfy buildings. Don't make it seem like this profession is objectively difficult in any way, it's not.
  • 1
    @korengali I really did not want to discuss this any further, but there seems to be a misunderstanding:

    It's not about difficult, it's about abuse (no matter if intentional or not or who the source is).

    Given the right amount of stress and the right kind of leverage even the cleaning lady can burn out.
  • 0
    Perspective is everything. If getting scolded by boss man because you A) Don't know when to stick up for yourself/team and make requirements arguments proactively rather than retroactively or B) Can't keep timelines you/your team promised is your definition of abuse I hate to tell ya but the rest of the world is horrifying.
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