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D-4got10-01256118hWhew... took me a while to dig this one up: https://devrant.com/rants/221477/... .
Nevertheless, I still like the joke. -
Lensflare2137917h> was knocked down (tragically) by a bus
I love the implication that usually it’s not tragical ;) -
donkulator58417hWhich reminds me: a couple are killed in a freak accident the day before their wedding day.
They arrive in Heaven, St Peter shows them around, and asks them if they have any questions.
"Yes," says the woman, "we were wondering if we can still get married?"
"It's a bit irregular," says St Peter, "but I'll see what I can do."
The days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, and St Peter still hasn't come back. Finally, after three months, he appears with a man wearing clerical robes. "This is Father Bob", he says. "He will conduct your wedding ceremony."
After the ceremony, the newlyweds settle into the daily routine of married afterlife.
Two years later, St Peter happens to be passing, and asks them how they're getting on.
"Well," says the husband, awkwardly, "to be honest, we've been drifting apart. In fact, we've decided we want a divorce."
"Fuck's sake!" says St Peter. "It took me three months to find a priest up here, and now you want me to find a fucking lawyer?" -
@donkulator "The road to hell is paved with the bones of priests and monks, and the skulls of bishops are the lampposts that light the path." :)
Related Rants

Well yeah. He is right!
Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!
An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her. “Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”
“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”
“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity.”
“Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” at which St. Peter put the HR manager into the downward bound elevator.
As the doors opened in Hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends, past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times.
They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing.
Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing; which was almost as enjoyable as her day in Hell. At the day’s end St. Peter returned. “So,” he said, “You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven”. “You must choose between the two.”
The woman thought for a second and replied: “Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose Hell.”
Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.
“I don’t understand,” stuttered the HR manager, “The other day I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”
The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”
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