People who use ambiguous date formats should be left alone in an almost empty sewage tanker with a horny orangutan.

Going on holiday is just a pain in the arse.

Okta emailed me trying to sell their SSO gubbins.

I actually quite like the idea of being able to abstract away all the providers people might want to log in with, and making it someone else's job to check whether those providers are trustworthy.

But the email is copied to every permutation of my name/surname/initials etc @mydomain.com.

They had no legitimate way to obtain my email address for marketing purposes, so they just guessed it.

And I'm supposed to believe no corners will be cut and no bodges applied in making sure the user is who he claims to be?

Reading the docs for salesforce APIs is exhausting from the sheer density of bullshit buzzwords.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot, treading more lightly on a human face, forever.

Anyone got a way of wrapping a .net library in an excel addin that isn't shit?
Or at least, than isn't any more shit than an excel addin needs to be?

Is that you, John Wayne?

This muesli tastes of fish.

Fucking fish.

I'm going to eat it anyway, because I'm old and tired, and I like fish.

I am not your rubber duck.

ChatGPT seems to have shat the bed.

Little known fact about MS Intune: the reason it's so fucking slow is that when you tell it to deploy an app to a group of machines, a little goblin emerges from his slumber in the basement, copies the app onto a stack of floppies, and gets a taxi to each location to install it.

It's surprisingly hard to hail a taxi when you're a 10-inch tall homunculus carrying a suspiciously large backpack.

The little bastard has only just finished the first device, and it's lunchtime now so that's the last we'll see of him all day.

Whoever invented the "conversation view" in email clients, hopefully they don't die of anything boring.

If people had antlers, would you be basically ok with that, or would it cause some kind of issues?

Lawyer maths is different to actual maths, and it's fucking confusing.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Mount an azure file share in an app service container? Sounds handy. Nice clicky-draggy wizard to set it up, pick your file share, type a path to mount it to, hit save.

And does it work?

Does it buggery.

And is there a helpful error message so you can see what you've done wrong?

In a pig's arse is there a helpful fucking error message.

"Application error", and a link to some "diagnostic resources" that displays the exact same error message, including the same link, so a link to itself, in an infinite recursive loop of rank, inhuman stupidity.

Let me see what's in the logs. Absolutely fuck all. No, wait! There's the html markup for the fucking useless error message I'm looking at in the browser. So the UI is telling me to fuck off, and the logs are recording that I have been told to fuck off.

But this is Azure. So there isn't just one place to look at the logs, there are many places to look at the logs. And they are all geologically slow and most of them don't work.

It's probably a firewall issue. I'll have a look later on if I can be arsed, but frankly I'd rather be performing cunnilingus on a lion.

Just started typing "devr..." in the address bar, not realising my keyboard was in cyrillic mode.

So instead of reading about b2plane's shits and hurriedly scrolling past AI-generated creepy anime kids, I've been reading about Великоустюгский Многопрофильный колледж.

If I was more dedicated in my language studies I might have understood more than 10% of it.

Horses for courses.

That's where baby horses come from.

That twenty-minute shouting phone call should really have been an email. Or just nothing.

As soon as the shouting stops, I will begin the process of clearing my head. About 20 minutes after the shouting stops, I will be able to do some work.

Unfortunately, about 10 minutes after the shouting stops, it starts again.

And then it will be lunchtime.

And then there will be more shouting.

And then it will be the end of the day.

Fuck you, Acrobat Reader.

Fuck your whole family, your cat and your dog and your pig.

It's nearly May. I am therefore going to start referring to apples as "tree potatoes" whenever possible.

The plural of schema is schemata, and the plural of index is indices.

Words with irregular plurals are interesting, stop trying to force them to be like normal words.

This morning it seems all my blood has been taken out and replaced with piss.

Coffee just makes it feel like hot piss.

At some point, someone on the visual studio team thought: what people need is a clicky-draggy gui for editing yaml files for github actions.

And instead of throwing him unceremoniously out of the window, the rest of the team agreed, and said: yes, that's a great idea, it will be almost as useful as that clicky-draggy gui for editing sql commands.

Wordpress.

Dogshit.

That is all. Thank you for listening.

Cauliflower is the devil's broccoli.

Ah, dependabot, you annoying little gimp.

Delivery guy tried to make small talk, and I immediately got a visual migraine aura. Coincidence? Arse.

Gargoyle sucking its own todger, of the day.