Remember my Nigerian client rant? Now get this.

Just one day of working here, and I find out that these guys have CI/CD setup so pushes to main branch are deployed to prod automatically,

And these guys are pushing to master from their local env 10 TIMES A DAY.

There are 3 devs working here (excluding me) and all 3 are doing this.

Oh oh oh, and local env isn't really "local" because all 3 devs are pointing to prod database, FROM THEIR LOCAL SYSTEM !!!!

Things are so bad that they have to keep resetting their production db after every deployment.

FML.

"Tough break for Handjob, he was all set to get shipped out on a medical."

"What was the matter with him?"

"He was jerking off ten times a day."

"No shit, at least ten times."

"Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section 8."

It's called continuous delivery.

The master-deployment thing I mean

At my last company, we didn't have devs accessing production. For support tickets, we had a Slack bot written where you'd apply to it and it would grant you production on a time limit.

But the CI/CD system did push directly to production. Your tests had to pass and you had to make it past code review, and our code review process was not trivial. We even had a complex code owners setup so if you touched things form other teams, you'd need their approval.

We also used Github's "Merge Queue" tool which would attempt a virtual merge, run all the tests, and only merge/deploy if that passed.

We probably deployed 10~20 times a day in the busy season, with dozens of developers. But we also had 100s of tests (it took 15 min to run the tests distributed across 8~12 nodes. It was almost impossible to run the tests locally unless you ran them overnight. One guy tried and it took 8 hours)

Parts of it were probably way too complex, but it was amazing how smooth the whole process was

Someone tell these fuckwits that CI/CD needs a robust automated testing framework, it doesn't just mean you get to push to prod automatically because you feel like it.

And the elephant in the room, set up a FUCKING dev and QA environment for the LOVE of CUNTS.

<sarcasm>

You whiny bastards are all weak and cowardly. A real developer — a *true* professional — doesn’t waste the client’s money on fancy branching strategies, test environments, automated tests, or any of that QA nonsense. A courageous developer just *tells* the computer what to do and gets it right the first time. But of course, you wouldn’t understand that — you’re too busy writing tests to cover your own incompetence.

</sarcasm>