59
linuxxx
188d

I haven't attempted any dating yet but I have attempted staying in touch with girls and this has failed big time. Not due to coding but due to me not using social media (especially Facebook and Instagram) and also - this is a huge deal in the Netherlands - not using WhatsApp.

The second girls hear/notice/discover that when exchanging information, it's shut off right away. (Or, this has been my experience)

On the bright side, I might find a very good match this way and I'm at least holding on to my principles/values :)

Comments
  • 26
    I would actually be nervous dating somebody who /is/ on social media. It’s basically the biggest social disease people have faced together on a global scale in the last 60 years and when somebody is glued to it it makes me really question their mental health. Sorry if I am offending anybody by saying this
  • 22
    Good on you. Stay true to your values. If she's turned off by something like that it wasn't meant to be.

    I've had so many clingy guys get bored since I don't sit by my phone and am ready to answer their messages within 5 mins. Good riddance 😅
  • 8
    @Elyz yeah I can take days to answer, and some of my girlfriends are the same way. It’s the way to be, major props to you. It’s not that answering promptly is strictly bad, it’s just if you’re consistently doing it, it trains people to rely on that and then that’s dangerous
  • 4
    @linuxxx I'm almost the same, except that my principles are a little more restrictive, making my "match" shrink to virtually no one 😶
  • 3
    @FrodoSwaggins you can somehow extend that to the whole known history.
  • 12
    @FrodoSwaggins I'll answer when I feel like it. Sometimes it takes minutes, other times days. Anyone finding that problematic is trying to control me and can go fuck themselves with a rusty chainsaw 😁 no boy is so cute I'll let him take my freedom.
  • 12
    I feel like if it just shuts off when they find out that you don't use social media stuff, then they didn't really like you in the first place. Like @Elyz said, it just plain wasn't meant to be.

    At this point, I just use Discord and SMS, and while it hasn't worked with some people, it works for the ones that actually care enough to keep in contact with me.

    I have a friend that keeps urging me to get snapchat, at least once a week or so. I've always been told "oh you're the only person who doesn't use it, it's so hard to keep in contact with you". Oh well, don't keep in contact then. If you want to keep in contact, just ask for my fucking number, I'll gladly give it to a friend that asks.
  • 5
    @Elyz clearly you haven’t met me ;) kidding -_-
  • 5
    @FrodoSwaggins clearly 😂
  • 8
    @linuxxx you're a good guy, and I actually admire you for keeping to your principles. If people turn away from you because of them, they're not worth your time. You'll find someone. :)
  • 3
    But are you looking for something serious? Girlfriend/wife material? Because having WhatsApp to just hook up with some people sounds worse than it is. I know it's about your principles. I know it sounds like you're just using WhatsApp to get laid, but bear with me.

    You might just as well miss out on getting to know the love of your life if you don't invest in communication. Using WhatsApp for just that one special person can even be perceived as very romantic, if it's truly a principle of yours to not use WhatsApp.

    Furthermore, once you really commit to a relationship, you can ask your partner to commit to your principles too and use a different communication app. If they really like you, they won't have any problems with that request.

    In the end you might have gotten to know them and you end up not using WhatsApp.

    Holding on to principles is a valuable trait, but there is also being blind to alternatives. You can even later decide to stop using WhatsApp again, if you really want.
  • 0
    You should try dating, it's fun. Any specific reason you don't use whatsapp? Personally I love todays tech but on the other hand I hate it. People expect to answer your phone any time. No way, I answer when I want to. And responding to a text message? When it suits my convenience. But I get your point. No hurry. Plenty of awesome girls out there!
  • 2
    @eeee @CodeMasterAlex As for WhatsApp, Facebook is everything but ethical as for how it handles user privacy/data and integrated within a us powered mass surveillance network which makes that I avoid anything it owns it like the plague :)
  • 1
    I hope that everybody would use some online chat application other than WhatsApp, but I can only hope that Facebook fucks it up or something else changes everyone's minds. I'm not an influencer on people habits so I'll use what's best to use currently for mobile communication locally. That being call, SMS or WhatsApp.
  • 0
    I'd use "Insert Android app name" chat thingy, if only I had a working Android phone..

    I find it a bit ironic folk complaining about how evil social media can be, whilst using a social media platform to talk about it. :-)

    I can take a while to reply to messages myself, sometimes so long, the person has died before I got around to replying..

    On the issue of principles..

    Well, I've shortened my list hugely, to just a few very basic ones, but it appears, after several years single and hundreds of thousands of dating opportunities, that I'm still asking for too much..

    I've cut a few more things off the list in time for Valentines day, so will see how that goes !

    Otherwise I'm going to die of old age before the next date..
  • 1
    that's super petty, if they really cared that wouldn't be such a big turn off
  • 2
    @gudishvibes true. But that's the hard part of dating, isn't it? Finding someone who cares.
  • 2
    In my country (Denmark) it’s completely impossible to ditch Facebook, at least in my age (24), as EVERYBODY uses Facebook Messenger as primary form of communication
  • 3
    @not-sure just curious, what part of the country are you in? Where I'm at, most of my friends prefer whatsapp and I know plenty of people who don't even have a Facebook account
  • 2
    @Elyz Copenhagen. I have never met a person in Denmark who used WhatsApp
  • 3
    @not-sure clearly you're in the wrong part of Copenhagen then 😅
  • 3
    It's a similar situation for me. Basically if you don't use WhatsApp here, which absolutely everybody seems to use, there's hardly anyway to stay in contact with someone you don't meet daily or who doesn't want to use alternatives like Signal.

    On the other hand I am currently walking around with a Nokia 3310 so that might explain a few things.
  • 1
    @404response That Nokia though 👌
    Did you get my tox request by the way?
  • 1
    Ironically, internet is screwing dating up.

    (most) girls get so many matches on tinder, that they can choose whomever they want.

    All this attention makes them extremely picky, since if the one guy doesn't entertain her enough , she'll just find another that willl. Same with looks.

    Example: I look okay. I get matches every now and then. a friend of mine looks worse then me, he hardly gets any matches at all. and the ones he does match with, he has to be very entertraining to them to keep their interest or they unmatch and move on.

    But he is a ful guy to hang out with, he stands for his beliefs, he has a better job and is better at his job, his bank is filled with way more money then mine. if you forget the looks, then he is better in almost every way. still, I got better looks, so I get more matches on tinder.

    And it gets worse, see next comment
  • 1
    I'm against rape, but it has been made way to easy for women to call rape on something.

    the definition of rape has become so blurry that when you have sex with a girl, without explicit consent, they can have you arrested.

    All in all, the dating scene for guys has become a real headache.
  • 1
    @linuxxx Didn't get one, sorry for the late reply again. Can you email me your tox id?
  • 1
    @404response Will do once I have rested a little!
  • 0
    @linuxxx Sure, have a nice rest :)
  • 0
    > they can have you arrested.

    Not just that these days, in some countries, its a crime to tell them they are fat, or owe you money !

    Now I understand why several friends of mine hardly ever say a single word to women..
  • 0
    @moort

    > All this attention makes them extremely

    > picky, since if the one guy doesn't entertain

    > her enough , she'll just find another that

    > willl. Same with looks.

    I'm reminded of one I was chatting to some years ago who was telling me how they dumped their partner because they had the wrong colour shoes !

    That gave me the idea of being picky too..

    As such, I went for someone the same shoe size, to save on wardrobe space ! (I lived in a really small home..)

    Nowadays though, it appears as a guy you can't be so picky..

    As such, after much careful research, I got better shoes, jeans, shirt, jacket, watch.

    I notice I get more views on dating sites, but so far, no more actual dates..

    Probably my profile text contents putting them off. :-)
  • 2
    Facing the same issue man. Being 18 and having essentially no social network activity while attending a school with a 95% male presence is not exactly good for getting into a relationship... working to change that though, while always staying true to my principles as well :)
  • 1
    @TheItalianGuy 95% male presence? What kind of school is that? 🤔
  • 2
    @CoffeeNcode Technical institute, only technical subjects taught here like logistics, electronics, ICT, transportation / mechanics engineering... out of 1700 students approximately 70 to 80 are girls, so yeah... not very diverse and it has a very negative impact on us guys in average. After 5 years you kinda feel like you lost a proper way to communicate with ladies.
  • 0
    I'm reminded I did a careful study of all the universities in my country and went for the one which had the highest number of girls to boys !

    When I went to visit there, they asked me why I choose it, and I told them, they seemed a tad puzzled..

    3 girls to every boy !
  • 1
    That is truly strange, personally I don't care how I contact somebody so long as we are able to communicate. Just need the interest in conversing to be there 🤷‍♂️
  • 0
    Maybe tell them about signal?
  • 0
    @M1sf3t fair point. Im due a second I was still in a universe where they charge for SMS
  • 0
    @M1sf3t Phone lines aren't end to end encrypted, signal convo's (calls as well) are.
  • 0
    I've finally got free SMS, but hardly know anyone to text..
  • 0
    @Nanos

    Oh that just gave me an idea !

    Get a mobile phone for my server, then I can text it all the time. :-)

    "Turn the lights on in the bedroom"..

    Now, which mobile would interface nicely with W7 and be as cheap as chips ?
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