AboutStarted my professional career very young. 20+ years of experience. Been there, done that.
Joined devRant on 9/9/2016
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The story of my webshop with this fuckin' asshole continues! I decided to stop with the webshop as my partner didn't do anything, so I handed over my shares to my business partner. This was done formally at the notary. Immediately after, we agreed that I would hand over everything that same week. 1 day later I cannot access any accounts. He said that a hand over was not necessary and that he took appropriate measures. Now, 4 months later, I got a letter from a collection agency telling me to hand over the tradename. Uhm what? Tradename? I don't own it so I replied that there's nothing to hand over. A day later again a letter that he will sue me if I don't hand over the tradename. Mr. Prick Lawyer, I understand that you mean the DOMAINname, but why the fuck do you keep referring to the tradename?! You too stupid to understand the difference? So, to get rid of this crap I made an offer to sell him the domainname, which he accepted. But mr. Asshole moved the shop to a different hostingprovider thinking that the dns would be magocally updated. Of course not asshole. So I offered (to be cooperative) to update dns so his site will work again. I did. A day later again a letter that site still not reachable and he'd sue me for all damages etc.
What a muppet show! You think ypu can sue me because YOU made a config mistake? He's a funny guy! I told the lawyer to not send me any 'issues' caused by mr. Asshole's unprofessional acting and if he does, I'll charge him for every second spent.
Today mr. Asshole's webshop says 'Apache is functioning normally' and that's it. Well done, asshole! See how eaay my job is and how little knowledge it requires? You proved ypu can do it yourself Big boy! Good luck selling shit on your website. Good luck with your seo rankings. And good luck fucking yourself in the ass!
Now I'm going to sue you because of copyrights violations. You use my software and you don't have a license. Either pay or remove it or I'll make you pay!5
So I'm planning to open a company in Bulgaria really soon. Looking for (junior) developer and UX/gfx designer for permanent, remote only position.
Can anyone recommend me where to find such people in Bulgaria?5
Anyone here have suggestions to actually make dsn resolution slower for a website using only dns settings/records? Like really slow if possible.4
Now that prick that was my business partner did something really really stupid: he hired a collection agency to make me pay an invoice that was not even due! Of course, this is completely unlawful but this agency is now threatening to sue me if I don't pay because I promised to pay a part of the costs. Well, that promise was indeed made however at a later moment in time mr. Prick signed a contract at the notary office agreeing to take all costs on him. Collection agency says my earlier promise is what matters but I don't believe that is true.
Oh well, mr. Prick's website has been unreachable most of the day. This unreproducable, weird behavior will keep on popping up the next couple of days, weeks or even years. That happens when mr. Prick doesn't know the domain is still owned by me. So yeah, go fuck yourself, prick.5
To all that read my rants regarding my webshop before! Here's the long awaited update!
So this asshole partner did just not take care of business so I decided to stand down as a director for that company. So we arranged that last monday.
I thought: let's end this properly, clean up my mail, some other stuff... tuesday he revoked me access to everything, so I couldn't access anything anymore. Wow fucker! You never did a thing and now suddenly you take action? Wtf?!
Can you please pay your part of the bill for the accountant? You already promised a couple of times.
Well of course mr retard, you really think I'll follow up on my promises? You never kept 1 of them yet expect me to keep that promise? Fuck you man.
So today he asked again. I told him that I'd like to know what he wants with all the custom made stuff as I developed it and copyright is owned by me. Then mr asshole started insulting again: just because of the fact that you're not a front end dev doesn't mean that makes.up for you taking so much time.to implement all that. I asked an expert.and he could do it in 3 hours! Wow dude! A front end dev optimizing db queries, rewriting parts of the back end in just.3 hours including the front-end?,You're so right.
Of course not cunt face. I'm already full stacking for 20 fucking years and.you tell me that?! Really? Mr insult's back again!
Then he says: I'm so fed up with all this crap that to end this properly I will have my new IT business partner look at your so called 'custom made components'.
For fuck's sake man, can I send you a tree with a rope so that you can hang yourself?
Good luck getting your domain name as it is still registered on my company's name. I might cancel it someday in the future at my convenience.
If anyone here loves fucking up a website, get in touch with me.1
Any Dutch company owners here that have an IBC set up? Or any Italian company owners here? I need some help and advice in setting up a company structure. Although not strictly dev-related I'll of course develop some software for that new company :)
Does anyone here know a student that is willing to get around 450 logo's from a website, resize them to a specific format and save them to a specific file name? Of course I will pay for it but as it is for a private project budget is limited, so preferably I'd like someone from a country where salaries are low so that I can pay a (hopefully more than) fair amount of euro's to him/her for this work.9
Let's do a story mapping session! Ok cool. PO asks the team: so guys what do you think? *silence*... *more silence*.... PO: come on guys, please respond. *silence*.... Then someone finally responds.
I'm starting to hate this big time. It's almost always like that, no matter the type of session (story mapping, refinement) And there's someone in the team that thinks he always knows best, so if ever someone speaks up, it will always be challenged and lead to useless discussions. He always wants the perfect solution. A good solution is good enough, it doesn't have to be perfect. PO is happy with a good solution (good = maintainable, scoring at least x on our code quality tooling), so why the fuck would you want to go for the 'perfect' solution, which may score just slightly higher in regard to quality, cost much more to develop and people have a hard time maintaining it due to the high level of abstraction? He's always refactoring stuff because it's not future proof. Well, why completely reimplement parts that have been working properly for 2 years and have a very very small chance of needing a change, which then still only needs to be done in just 1 place?
And you know what? All these fancy structures, patterns etc are in there but will their flexibility ever really be used? In my 20 years experience haven't seen such flexibility being really used. Some exceptions of course.
Once it's built, it will keep running, yes, changes will need to be made, but in most cases they never touch all these expensive fancy structured components. Just because most changes are in content or small changes in functionality.1
I am so fucking done with Webstekker. This is one bad fucked up webhosting company in The Netherlands. In the past we had so many issues: managed hosting websites getting hacked (you can brute force.ftp etc they don't monitor anything), not restoring db views after they migrate a db server, week down time because they fucked something up etc. Last 2 years were ok but today I discovered that one of my money making adsense websites is running on a cms database from another website!! What the fuck?!! I haven't touched that site for at least 2 years and it was running fine.
No Webstekker I don't want to check all of ny websites every day to see if everything works properly. I want to trust you to do a proper managed hosting job. But you retards have proven to be incapable over and over again.
That said, anyone here can recommend a good, solid, trustable Dutch webhosting company for asp.net hosting on Windows?
I do run other sites on VPS but that is much more work for me and don't want to manage all (small) websites myself but unstead rely on a solid company with competent people to do that for me.
Today I finally experienced the power of something I learned in university: propositional and predicate logic.
Many developers I know think that such education is useless. Well, today I have proven that it is very useful. On a day to day basis, working on banking software, complexity in purely logic is very low. However, we have a screen that must show or hide elements based on some input values and conditions associated with certain elements. How hard can that be, right? Well, there are many variables to take into account and as such it's absolutely not trivial.
This screen didn't work properly and maintaining the code is hard as there is a lot of logic to show/hide, enable/disable things and so on. After quite some time and attempts by fellow developers, I decided to refactor the whole thing. I'm responsible for the quality of the software and it was quite degrading, so I had to do something.
In order to get things working properly, I defined collections of constants (ui elements) and predicates. Then, I defined for which element what predicates must be true, in order to hide/show, disable/enable etc. I then translated these predicates into code. And guess what? It works! Of course it works. It's logic. But I'm very pleased I finally could actually use some of all the math I studied!5
As we all know we have Apple, MS and linux fanboys & girls here. I myself am strongly MS oriented however I like and use Linux too. I have never tried running a virtualized Win10 pro on Linux though. Anyone ever did that? And if so, what did you use to get it working and did it work well? Since my last 2 clients I always work on a VM so that I have a windows VM specifically setup for my client so their config and apps don't mess with my personal dev needs. So I curently run Win10 pro inside hyper v vm on win10 pro. I'd like to experiment and run win 10 pro vm on linux so any suggestions etc are highly appreciated.12
Any one here in the Netherlands that considers to start freelancing? I'm asking this because I'm a freelancer myself and joined a cooperation. This allows me to focus 100% on what I love doing. The cooperation does everything else for me: legal, sales, finance, trainings, events etc. etc.
In fact, the only thing that is left for me to do is my income taxes once a year but even that can be arranged!
We are always looking for highly skilled people to join us. Many areas: development, agile, testing, fintech etc.
If you want to start freelancing but have any doubts in taking that step feel free to contact me. I can help you out!!
About 20 hours. We had a major campaign for a product launch back in the days when MSN Messenger was awesome. Hitting F5 in MS sql query analyzer to execute query again would show like 20K+ downloads each time, shit was crazy. Then we discovered a major fuck up. Turned out that someone made a mistake by making a guid static. In a personalized content generator. So, most users ended up with someone else's face inside their personalized MSN Messenger wink. Oops... and no, we didn't do code reviews nor TDD back then so we didn't discover it sooner. It was really awesome to see how much traffic MS could generate by just showing a banner in hotmail. Real crazy. Anyway, we fixed it, discovery of the actual problem did take some time though.
Yay! Let's go to this 'IT day' event with the whole company to do some mandatory epibrating the whole day. I have so much work to do... Oh well, they even pay me a lot to go there but it sucks anyways.
So I own a webshop together with a guy I met at one of my previous contract jobs. He said he had a great idea to sell product X because he can get them very cheap from another European country. Actually it is a great idea so we decided to work together on this: I do everything tech related, he does the non tech stuff.
Now we are more than 1 year in business. I setup a VPS, completely configured it, installed and setup the complete webshop, built 2 custom PrestaShop modules, built many customizations, built a completely new order proces (both front and back end), advertised quite some products, did some link building, ensured everything is in place to do proper SEO, wrote some content pages, did administration and tax declarations, rewrote a part of a PrestaShop component because it was so damn inefficient and horribly slow, and then some more. Much more.
He did customer relation management, supplier management and some ad words campaigns. Promised me many times to write the content for our product pages. This guy has an education in marketing but literally said: I'm not gonna invest in creating some marketing plan. I have no ambition in online marketing.
What?! You have the marketing knowledge and skills but refuse to use it to market our webshop and business? What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Today he says to me: 'Hey man, this is becoming an expensive hobby as we don't sell much and have lots of costs. I don't understand why I should be the one to write these content pages. Everything you did in the past 8 months can be done in less than 20 hours! You are a joke and just made it a big deal by spreading your work over so many months. I know for sure because I currently work at a company where I'm surrounded by front end devs! Are you fucking crazy?! You're a liar.'
He talks like this to me every 2 months or so while he can't even deliver the content for 1 single product in 6 fuckin' months! We even had to refund a few of our customers because Mr. client relations manager didn't respond to their e-mails within 1 fucking week!! So I asked him how could that have happened as you do the client relations and support. Well, he replied to me: 'Why didn't YOU respond to our clients? You don't log on in our back office at least once a day?!'.
Of course I do asshole. But YOU don't. He replied that I was lying just like I was lying about what I did for our business.
So, asshole, let's have a look at PrestaShops logs to see who's logging in daily. Well, you can probably guess who's IP was there in most of the entries. It wasn't his.
So, what the fuck have you been doing then?! You can't even manage to respond quickly to a client?!! We have maybe 50 clients and if we get 1 question a month by email it is already a lot. But you keep bitching, complaining and insulting me instead?!!!
Last time he literally admitted on a WhatsApp conversation that he had and still has the hope that he could just sit back and relax and watch me do ALL the work.
Well, guess what you fucking moron. That's not what we agreed upon. You fuckin' retard think you're so smart but you say EVERYTHING on WhatsApp! Including your promises to me. Thank you you fuckin' piece of dog shit because now I have hard evidence and will hand it over to my lawyer to make you pay every god damn cent for all the hours I've spent working on our business. Oh, and I'll take over the webshop and make it a success on my own because I know damn well how to get relevant traffic and thus customers.
You just go get yourself fucked in the ass without lubricant you fuckin' asshole. I have told you you shouldn't fuck with me because I take business very seriously. I even warned you when you were crossing a line again. Well, if you don't listen... You will pay for the consequences. I will be so damn happy to tell you 'I told you so' with a very very big smile on my face. That momemt WILL come, 'partner'.
Fuck you. You will be fucked. Count on that. Fucking asshole.7
Throughout the years I have completed many projects successfully. Some projects really stood out and were awesome to do. This is not about these projects. It is however about one of my very first projects for my first real software development client many years ago, somewhere around the year 2000.
I was working for some years at TNO, a well known Dutch organization, and the lady at the reception asked me if I could help her husband out because he was strugling to get some web app developed. So I said sure, I can talk to him and see what I can do.
So I went to their house and talked to her husband. They were living in a huge villa and turns out her husband owns an international flower export business for which he needed some web app for. So we had a nice talk and he showed me some software designs he got from a couple of different big companies. He asked me my opinion about these designs. I remember answering something like that it looks very fancy but for me it didn't make much sense.
He replied that it didn't make sense for him as well and was disappointed that these companies didn't seem to understand him properly. It took about 3 months to get these designs which he thought were useless. So, I asked him to explain me what he was looking for.
Actually a pretty simple thing. He was using paper forms to have his clients order the flowers they need. Think of them as Excelsheets with 3 columns with a list of flower names and besides each column a column for the amount required. He would go to the flower auction at 4 in the morning to collect all these filled in forms, manually aggregate them on new forms, and then go to buy the flowers ordered.
This man had many clients and truck drivers. Some of them only worked or ordered at specific days. It was also important that one could easily indicate which flowers were really important to get.
Then comes this 20 year old guy (me) who delivered a working prototype in 24 hours. You can imagine how happy this man was. He said: if you built this for me I will pay you 10K. In the meanwhile for fun you can borrow one of my sports cars if you want.
I took the deal, drove a big fat sports car for about 1.5 months, I delivered and the man payed me as promised.
The web app I developed is today still being used every day. I don't think there is any other project out there, at least not that I'm aware of, that I have worked on and is still being used today in its form as it was originally developed.4
When I was a little boy my father who was an entrepreneur back then hired a computer programmer to develop some kind of administrative software for him. He was programming on the Commodore VIC20. I was very interested in what he was doing and he gave me some books about programming basic on the VIC20. I read them, started programming and I've been hooked ever since!
As I do still remember this man's name I searched on the internet now and then to see if I could find him. End of last year I found him on FB and wrote him a message to thank him for what he did back then. It's because of him that I found out what I love doing most and have a great working career and life because I do what I love to do and get paid very well for it.
Thanks, mr. Stomp!3
Ok so I'm working at this bank that hired me as a lead dev to do something about the quality of the software. Now we have CI builds with front end and back end unit tests, sonarqube, coding standards and much more. First release.of our software had only 1 low impact defect! All other software they released in the past always has dozens of bugs.
Now I have this front end guy in my team. He thinks he is really good and actually said my front end skills suck. What?? Wtf you saying? I'm truly full stack and doing front end way longer than he does and already did many many successful projects for awesome well known companies. So he refactores some JS component I wrote. Now this component is very simple but needed to look and behave different on different devices and screen sizes. It was working perfectly. Our tester did extensive tests on all sorts of devices and browsers: worked perfectly.
So, this 'front end king' is now already in the 3rd week of making changes to this component. And still it is not working properly. And he doubts my front end skills?!
Hahahaha go fuck yourself you god damn piece of fucking front end retard!! Everything you make doesn't worl right away and needs at least 4 revisions. Fuck you!2
Don't Repeat Yourself. Don't Repeat Yourself.
3 words you need to keep repeating over and over to colleagues that, well, keep repeating themselves in code.3
This god damn unknown company reported my websites' Facebook page is violating some intellectual property. Facebook report says I must contact the reporting party to get this resolved but there were no contact details specified!! I searched on Google and Facebook om how to contact Facebook but no luck.
How the fuck can I get this resolved if I don't know who reported this? Does anybody here know how the fuck I can contact Facebook?? If you do then please let me know!3
Visual Studio! Been using it since I was a little boy and tried many others but it really is the best IDE out there.4
Jesus fuckin' Christ. I own a webshop together with someone else. This guy is so fuckin' stupid. Yesterday I've deployed a release to our acceptance environment. I talked with him extensively about it. This morning I texted him to check out all the new stuff.
5 minutes later he texts.me back: I would suggest changing option x. Uuh... what option x? We don't have that any more.
Dude! What the fuck! We talked extensively about acceptance testing so you know it is in our acceptance environment, not production, asshole.
And then again, he asks for the link to the acceptance, which I gave him twice already.
Are you really that stupid??1
Jesus fucking christ! I've been hired by this bank to improve the quality of their online banking software. Zero unit tests and I'm tasked to make it testable as much as possible.
Guess what? Almost the whole fucking codebase uses static classes everywhere!!! Good luck unit testing that.... what a bummer. It is a challenge though.2
Many years ago I was sent on a course to learn AS3. The morning the course started the first thing the teacher said was that their marketing department was ahead of the teachers and so the course will not be taught for AS3 but AS2 and that AS3 is like AS2. No asshole AS3 is not like AS2! Maybe in some basics but AS3 is fully OO and AS2 is not. I ended up telling the teacher stuff he didn't know yet about AS2 and AS3. What a fucking bummer.
Last company where I was hired had the policy to always lock your system when away from it. If you didn't, you would get 'Hoffed' which means that some nice picture of David Hasselhoff in speedo was set on your desktop background. I managed to hoff someone now and then but never got the chance to hoff the only junior dev in our team.
Until one day he was away and didn't lock his system. I quickly wrote a small console app which I installed and added to his user part of the registry. Now he got hoffed automatically everytime he logged on with a random david Hasselhoff picture. Most fun was that he just couldn't figure out how I did that.
On my last day there I told him where to look in the registry ;)
Not about favorite language but about why PHP is not my favorite language.
I recently launched a web shop built on Prestashop. I found that some product pages are so god damn slow, like taking 50 fuckin' seconds to load. So I started investigating and analyzing the problem. Turns out that for some products we have so many different combinations that it results in a cartesian product totalling about 75K of unique combinations.
Prestashop did a real bad job coding the product controller because for every combination they fetch additional data. So that results in 75K queries being executed for just 1 product detail page. Crazy, even more when you know that the query that loads all these combinations, before iterating through them, takes 7 fuckin' seconds to execute on my dev machine which is a very very fast high end machine.
That said I analyzed the query and now I broke the query down into 3 smaller queries that execute in a much faster 400 ms (in total!) fetching the exact same data.
So what does this have to do with PHP? As PHP is also OO why the fuck would you always put stuff in these god damn associative arrays, that in turn contain associative arrays that contain more arrays containing even more arrays of arrays.
Yes I could do the same in C# and other languages as well but I have never ever encountered that in other languages but always seem to find this in PHP. That's why I hate PHP. Not because of the language but all those fucking retarded assholes putting everything in arrays. Nothing OO about that.2
I started when I was about 7 years old. My dad was an entrepreneur and had a programmer working for him who was coding in the Commodore VIC20. That man gave me some books and since then I was hooked. Started my professional career when I was 16 (now 37), all self taught and got a very solid education as well throughout the years after 16 untill now. I just can't stop loving it.
Get a solid educational foundation in software engineering. There is so much more than just developing or programming. In addition be sure you get a solid understanding of object oriented principles. This really makes the difference between highly educated devs and self taught devs. The latter almost always have some lack of knowledge.
Thought I'd share another one with you. Last year I saw a turorial posted on LinkedIn about how to create a captcha in ASP.NET. The turorial itself wasn't that bad but it made me laugh so hard because the writer thought of a neat way to input the desired captcha code to the handler that generated the image. Guess how? In the query string. That totally defeats its purpose. How on earth did he come up with that. So much for securing your form submission through captcha. Of course when I commented about it he didn't reply. I hope no one actually used that tutorial.2
The best I have seen and exploited was years ago with a web shop that allowed me to set my own check-out price by just inspecting the element and setting the desired price. It just happily advanced to the next step where they invoked the payment provider with my custom price. Unfortunately the shop doesn't exist anymore. I have encountered many more security leaks but this one was so easy and lucrative to exploit.4