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Another tinder story from last night.
Matched with a girl, I thought she was cute and all. She texted me first, and we started talking. We kinda just clicked, had similar interests and everything. Conversation turned to musicals, she said she wanted me to come listen to one with her at some point when we were both free. I mentioned the whole story from Sunday night to her (see previous rant), and told her how the girl said I was a "rebound", but nothing actually happened. Then she changed the conversation by saying something like "rebounds normally involve sex, maybe I can make up for it".
After that the conversation got sexual. Dirty talk, nudes, everything. Talking about how hard she wanted me to fuck her and everything. That carried on until about 6 in the morning. We both decided we should go to sleep.
I woke up around 11, we talked for a few minutes, then she said she had to get ready for a doctor appointment, and I didn't think anything of it. Went to work at 2, had to go get a car from a dealership like 20 minutes away. Me and my coworker got back, I decided to check my phone and see if she messaged me or anything.
Come to find out, she basically just fucking ghosted me. Blocked me, unmatched me on tinder, the whole nine yards. No warning, nothing. 8 hours earlier she was saying how much she wanted me inside her (not paraphrasing), and now she just decided "nah fuck him altogether".
I don't fucking know what it is. It's been about 10 hours since I found out, and I just..I don't know. She could have just said "nah I don't wanna fuck" and I would have been 100% fine with that. But nope. No warning, just blocked me.
I'm not mad that she just backed out of it, I'm mad that she didn't say fucking anything about it. Like, even apart from all the sexting and stuff, I genuinely liked this girl. She was nice, cute, funny, just everything I could have asked for. And now, I'm honestly kinda sad about it. Everything seemed like it was going well (maybe all the sexting would have been better for another time in the future ya know, but I can honestly say I didn't initiate it), and now I have nothing again.19
Had a tinder "date" last night. Shit was just awkward the entire time. She lives right over a state border, and I live right on the other side, so it was maybe a 10 minute drive. Plus she had a bunny, so that was pretty cool.
She said she wasn't interested in a hookup or anything, which I was fine with, sex isn't everything. We saw the bunny for a bit, then she started talking about her abusive ex boyfriend she was with for like 2 years (she did not shut the fuck up about it).
She lives in a fairly sketchy place too, so that didn't help the situation. At one point, a car drives by and shined a flashlight through the window I was sitting by. The flashlight was turned off right after that. Then she continued talking about her ex boyfriend.
I held through for 3 hours of that shit. It was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life. Eventually she said her friend texted her about having boyfriend issues and invited herself over to stay the night there, so she basically said "you might as well go, I don't think you want to deal with a crying 16 year old"
So I went to my car and left. I drove as fast as I could back to my apartment. Then I was telling my roommate about it, and he was like "I think you need some alcohol after that shit", so I took a couple shots of vodka.
Shit was fucking weird guys.8
As of two days ago, I no longer use systemd on my Arch system, I switched to openRC.
Basically it all started right around 9 months ago, installed Arch on a new laptop, and whenever I would reboot (which was never very often, mainly kernel upgrades), about 7 out of 10 times it would crash when booting up. My solution for a while was "just don't reboot then".
I spent a while trying to figure out exactly what was causing the boots to fail. I tried disabling systemd units, just trying to narrow it down. I even got the logs from each failed boot, comparing it to a successful boot to find any differences just to have some idea of what the issue was.
One day I figured, it's possible that it could be an issue with systemd itself. So on my day off of work, I figured I'd try using a different init system, just to see if it would work 10 out of 10 times. Decided to try openRC, and sure enough, IT FUCKING WORKS!
Now, I don't hate systemd, I've always been on the fence about it. I feel like it just tries to do too much. I will say, it is fairly convenient to have a lot of things running off of one component, making them all compatible, BUT there's also the factor that one issue could potentially fuck shit up.
Hell, I'll say that it is easier to use systemd than openRC. Enabling unit files is easy as shit in systemd. But I personally like a challenge, and to learn new things, that's part of why I use Arch.
Anyways, I'm done with my rambling for today.5
Got a new job a couple days ago, cleaning cars at a dealership. One of my friends works there doing the same and he told me I should apply.
The hourly rate isn't much more than I was making at McDonald's, but I have very consistent hours now. I'm only scheduled for 35 hours a week, but normally we don't get out on time. On Friday we didn't get out until an hour after I was scheduled to leave, so chances are I'll get overtime here.
Basically all I wanted in a job was to have consistent hours. Come in at 2, leave at 8, rinse and repeat. McDonald's was basically, come in at 4, leave at 10, maybe stay until 11. Next day you're coming in at 7 and closing, next day you normally work but now you don't. Just very inconsistent, and basically no chance at full time unless you're a manager's favorite.
I like the new job, I get to drive nice cars and clean them, and that's basically it. I got to drive a car that's the same model as my mom's car, but 7 years newer (she has a 2011, the one I drove was a 2018). Even got to drive the exact model of the car that hit me a few months ago (same year too).
I've never been a huge car guy, but I really like it there. There's just something very satisfying about driving a brand new car. Also, at McDonald's I wasn't allowed to have a beard. At the new job they don't give a shit, as long as I work.3
Last night I found two Athlon XP processors in my house. They're a 2400 and a 2700, but I don't know if they work because I don't have other parts to test them.
Nothing too interesting, I just thought it was kinda cool10
Just got my stickers today! Finally get to start my sticker collection on the back of my laptop! I showed a few people and they said "You spent $15 on stickers? You could have spent that on gas". But I like stickers more than going places, so there was no question about it for me (plus I had like $25 in change that I cashed out last night).
So, yeah. Got my stickers and I'm happy about them4
Saw a reddit thread earlier asking about the most unsettling shit that people have found out Google has on them by downloading their data. I saw a bunch of comments about people finding voice recordings that Google had taken. After reading these, I was wondering what I could find from downloading my data. Decided to download my data, and on the page for it I saw that apparently I had disabled location history, audio activity, and device information.
Knowing companies like Google, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't stop recording that stuff, just that they're not providing it to me. There were zero voice recordings, but there was location history up until about the beginning of 2017.
Another thing they have is all the pictures from all of my hangouts chats. Apparently there had a good amount of older pictures of myself in there. Going back to probably 2-3 years ago, when I had my emo hair. Just a bit of a throwback. One picture I saw was from last January, when my hair was reaching my chest. Made me really miss my hair.
Other than that, nothing that interesting. Just something I thought I'd share.12
Haven't been able to sleep well for a while. Generally I've either had to take some sort of sleeping aid (usually benadryl, cause melatonin doesn't do anything to me), or stay awake for about 20+ hours. It's been like that for about 2 years now. Due to that, I've built up a resistance to benadryl.
Last night I took benadryl around 11, figuring I'd fall asleep around 12:30-1. I managed to fall asleep around midnight, and woke up at 1. I tried going back to sleep for hours, but nothing. Now 6 hours later, I don't know. Might end up just staying awake until tonight and passing the fuck out.
I wish I could fucking sleep.10
I know this is SO original, but I like Linus Torvalds best. I love that he created Linux originally just as his own little project, and now..I'm sure you all know how big it is.
He also created git, basically because he was tired of the version control systems that were already out there. Just "oh this is shit, I'm gonna write my own", and if I remember correctly, within a few weeks he had the first functional version of git.
Plus the man says that he names all his projects after himself, I think that's pretty damn funny.
Accomplishments of today:
- Wrote a small battery level script for my polybar config to print "AC" as battery level if the battery is removed, rather than having it continue to display the level the battery was at when I removed it (how the polybar module does by default)
- Small bluetooth detector script (checks if bluetooth is on or off, and if it's connected to anything)
- Wrote another script to turn my screen's backlight off when the lid closes and back on when it opens again (literally just finished this one maybe 5 minutes ago)
- Finally fixed an issue with the volume level module on my polybar config, where it increments in levels of 5%, but it would always be on like 94 or 89, rather than 95 and 90 (weird to explain)
Pretty accomplished with myself, they were all minor differences that most people wouldn't really think about, but I'm happy about them.
!dev (when do I ever post a dev related story? I only post about my personal life really)
For about 2 years I had a very good friend, and I had a huge crush on her for most of those 2 years. All of my junior year of high school, she dated my best friend, then they broke up the summer after because he'd cheated on her around the time they got together and she had found out. I was there for both of them during the breakup (it was fucking exhausting). The thing is, I was there for the girl more because I had a crush on her, and I started to consider her my best friend rather than her ex.
She knew I had a crush on her for a long time. But she still spent about a year going to parties every weekend, getting fucking hammered, and hooking up with random guys, then proceeded to tell me about it after. I can't count how many times she had to cancel plans because she got hammered the night before.
But I had a huge crush on her, so I essentially put her up on a pedestal, thinking she could do no wrong. Then we hit a point where we didn't talk for a couple months because I hit a low point and she was uncomfortable with me because of it. Around April we started talking again, immediately back to being best friends but my feelings for her came and went for a while. She had a huge crush on our other friend that had a girlfriend at the time. Life went on, she actually ended up being my first kiss while she was drunk one night (I was sober cause I was driving), but I started talking to a different girl a few days before then, so I was very conflicted about everything there.
Then a few weeks ago came. A different friend got a Radeon 5700 XT and I went over to his house to check it out and everything. We ended up talking for a while, and the conversation turned to my whole friend group that I hung out with all the time (the girl being the center of the group). That friend was never very fond of her, and he always made that very clear. Basically he made me realize that she's not perfect, and that I'd been seeing her through rose-colored glasses.
I spent a week or so rethinking our whole friendship, and I realized that she is nowhere near fucking perfect. For example, she ALWAYS has to be the center of attention. If our friend group is focusing on someone else for whatever reason, she essentially throws a fit then gets really quiet to get attention. Also she can't take criticism at all, she always acts like a victim if you try to criticize her in any way. I also feel like every time I tried to better myself in some way, she ended up bringing me down and making me feel like my problems aren't important. She uses her kindness as a weapon, such as "How could you say that about me? I've been nothing but kind to you!" And the list just goes on.
So, about a week ago, I told her that I feel like she's a toxic person, and she does nothing but bring people down over time, because that's truly how I feel. And of course, she couldn't take the criticism, and said "I don't even know why you feel that, I've been nothing but nice to you".
I haven't talked to anyone in that friend group in one week now. And I feel a lot better mentally. Being friends with her felt like a chore. Only one person in that friend group has tried to talk to me, and that was today. Nobody else has texted me or anything since last Monday. And I honestly couldn't care less. I feel like a huge chapter of my life is over, like the depressing chapter in a book.
I don't know how to end this. I'm doing fairly well now, been hanging out with coworkers a bunch lately. Life's actually kinda good for once.9
!dev && !rant
So, all through high school I grew out my hair. The last time I cut it was actually my sophomore year, so 2017. I've been thinking about cutting it for a bit, maybe do a different hairstyle. Last night I was hanging out with a few coworkers, and I decided that I'm gonna shave my head, and let it all grow back. It'll probably take at least a couple years, but why the hell not?
Pic is me from like last January? I haven't even trimmed my hair since 2017 so I have bad ends now, and it's basically stopped growing. So the picture is kinda close to what it is now, just a bit longer (like a bit past my chest)26
Finally decided to work on my kernel update script a bit (basically I compile the mainline kernel and configure it to slim it down a ton for my laptop, and that gets annoying so I wrote a script to do it for me). As of right now it is functional, it MAY require some babysitting, cause sometimes shit goes wrong, but it hasn't given me any problems the last few times I've run it. But it's also written with Arch in mind (using linux-mainline AUR package), because I use Arch btw. At some point in the future I want to add support for other distros, but I also want to get everything functional on Arch first.
If anyone has any suggestions or anything:
So ever since I was a kid I've been terrified of being submerged in water. A couple times I've gone up to my friend's dad's lake house, and the most I've done there is like put my foot in the water before I got scared.
But today I was at a coworker's grad party, and they had a pool in the yard, and he convinced me to get in. His words were "get in or I'll throw you in", and that got me right in there. It scared the FUCK out of me, but I did it. After that everyone was splashing water all over me, trying to get my hair wet.
Overall, great time, but I'm still scared of being like fully submerged.2
My older brother just moved out today. For 18 years I've shared a room with him, and now he's gone. I have a ~30x10 foot room all to myself (it's the entire second floor of my house).
I do love that now I'm able to play music anytime, and with his stuff gone, it'll be less space taken up in general, that type of thing.
I've been in this room with him for over 8 years now, after my oldest brother moved out, and I've always had this feeling that one portion of the room was mine and the other portion was his. Now it's just...weird. I have both portions now. I have this whole big room to maintain myself. I don't have to worry about my stuff conflicting with his for whatever reason.
The past few weeks, when he's talked about moving out, I've always told him that I was looking forward to it, to having the whole room to myself. Now that he's gone, I just...can't. I can't bring myself to move his stuff that he hasn't taken over to the new house yet, or clean his part of the room.
When we were kids we didn't really get along, and I HATED sharing a room with him. But over time, as we grew up, we started to get along better, and for the past couple years, we've always just talked in the middle of the night when we were both awake. And now he's gone (the new house is maybe a 10 minute drive away), and I know he's not coming back. I know that this whole space is mine now.
I'm gonna miss the talks in the middle of the night, and us keeping each other in check (whenever one of us isn't home in the middle of the night we tend to text each other like "bruh where the fuck you at"), and waking up in the middle of the night (when I'm able to actually fall asleep kinda early) to see him playing Skyrim or Fallout. Hell, even coming home from work or wherever to see him passed the fuck out.
I know that I'm gonna have to clean the whole room soon, and that I'll just have to get over it. I've always been the one in my family that doesn't really show emotion very often, unless I get angry, so when people were crying earlier, I just sat there with an emotionless look on my face. But that's also because I wasn't really feeling much at the time, it didn't really hit until I got home and came upstairs to my room. Hell, right now I'm sitting here just expecting to hear his car alarm as he locks his car like I normally hear every night.6
I personally like to sit with my laptop on my bed when I code. I just lean my pillows up against the wall and lay into them. It's just a comfortable spot and I like it. I've never cared much for sitting in a chair at a desk, which is also why I have my desk right next to my bed! (I've been told my setup is very unusual.)6
I have no motivation to clean my room at all. I've like briefly touched things up a couple times in the past months, but it's just...bad. I fucking hate having to step over shit to get to and from my bed every time I get up, but I just...can't do it.11
Graduated high school today. It fucking took long enough. My teachers sure as hell don't want me back, they were getting tired of my shit. Not showing up to class, sleeping when I did show up because I don't sleep much. But I made it.3
Had my first car accident today. I was taking a friend to school, we were down the street from our school. Person in front of me slammed on their brakes for no reason (light was green, nobody was crossing), so I did the same. Almost fucking hit them, but whatever. As me and my friend started to recover from that, we get hit from behind.
I remember just looking over at her when it happened and going "DID WE JUST FUCKING GET HIT?", she looks at me and says "I don't know what else it could have been"
The guy that hit us was a really nice guy. When me and the person in front of me slammed our brakes, the guy behind us followed, but it was raining this morning and he slid into my car.
So the guy called the cops, had an officer come, we exchanged information and everything (wasn't a bad enough accident for an actual police report). I called my insurance company, they said to call his insurance company, so I did. Filed a claim, told them everything that happened, then they called the guy, he confirmed everything and said the accident was his fault. But since my car is fairly old (it's a 2001 model), they said it might not even be worth fixing and they'll probably just end up seeing how much the car is worth and sending me a check.
The fun thing is, my cousin is my mechanic and he can also do body work, and the damage isn't that much, so he said he probably wouldn't charge much. So I'll probably get to pocket a good amount of the money (maybe like $700 max but still)
So, fun day.9
- Actually got the fuck out of bed this morning
- Fixed the RCA connector on the CRT I got from a friend (I got scared while discharging it but it turned out fine). Basically the metal piece that carries the signal through the connector was bent to hell and sticking out, so I desoldered it, bent it right again, put it in, and resoldered it.
- Went to taco bell twice within 8 hours
- Sat and talked with a couple friends for like 2 hours after school
- Met and briefly talked to a very cute girl that my friend introduced me to. She has colored hair (I REALLY like colored hair) and she vapes. So perfect girl for me.
- FINALLY FUCKING STARTED LAUNDRY
Things I didn't accomplish today:
- Working on the web page I posted about this morning
- Getting to school on time (ONE DAY I WILL)
- Staying in school once I was actually there (left during my 6th period to go to taco bell the second time, first time today was in the morning after I was already late to school cause they won't let me into class if I'm late)
- Fixing the boot errors on my laptop (sometimes when I boot it fucking freezes after flushing the journal, I've been trying to figure it out for a while but I have no fucking clue)
- Figuring out why my PS2 doesn't want to recognize controllers or memory cards (got a new motherboard and now it just isn't recognizing the controller/memory card, I feel like some of the traces broke at some point while it was apart??)1
I'M BACK TO MY WEBDEV ADVENTURES GUYS! IT TOOK ME LIKE 4 MONTHS TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DEPRESSED SO I CAN ACTUALLY STAND TO WORK ON IT AGAIN
I learned that the linear gradient looks cool as FUCK. Honestly not too fond of the colors I have right now, but I just wanted to have something there cause I can change it later. The page has evolved a bunch from my original concept.
The URL bar changed into a full command bar (writing the functions for the commands now, also used to config smaller things, such as the user@hostname part, maybe colors, weather data for city and API key, etc)....also it can open URLs and subreddits (that part works flawlessly). The bar uses a regex to detect if it's a legit URL (even added shit so I don't need http:// or https://), and if it's not, just search using duckduckgo (maybe I'll add a config option there too for search engines).
At this very moment it doesn't even take a second to fully load. It fetches weather data from openweathermap, parses it, and displays it, then displays the "user" name grabbing a localstorage value.
I'm considering adding a sidebar with links (configurable obviously, I want everything to be dynamic, so someone else could use my page if they wanted), but I'm not too sure about it.
It's not on git yet because I was waiting until I get some shit finished today before I commit. From the picture, I want to know if anyone has any suggestions for it. Also note that I am NOT a designer. I can't design for shit.13
I learned today. I do not know how to connect to an open wifi network from the terminal. I was with some friends in a public place and I was gonna connect to their wifi, but I was at a standstill. I've only ever used wpa_supplicant and dhcpcd to connect to a wifi network manually, so I just..never had to learn any other method of doing it.
I know I really should figure it out at some point, but I'm kinda lazy and it's never come up before.5
Actually have a dev thing to say now.
I wrote a script to compile my kernel with the latest mainline version using my current config options. It works...so far. I'll check back with it in a couple months and hope it still works good. It also checks daily if my kernel is out of date (yes I'm one of those, fight me)
Also managed to get my laptop to boot from power on to LightDM in 15 seconds, and 9 of those seconds are firmware. It DOES have this thing on occasion where it freezes during the boot process while initializing everything tho?? I've been meaning to try and figure it out for a minute but I put it off so much cause I don't reboot that often anyways.
As for a personal update, I hung out with some good friends today and my best friend heard my singing voice for the first time, she said I have a good voice (she does a lot of musicals and stuff and just sings all the time, so I trust her opinion). I also gave that friend a gaming laptop as a late birthday gift/early graduation gift today because she doesn't have anything to game on and I didn't really use the laptop much anyways. Plus she's like my favorite person ever and she really deserves it. Unrelated note, I have had an off and on crush on this girl for 2 years. She's always been there for me and she's just an amazing person.9
Tonight is my school's prom and I'm the only one of my friends that's not going. My original date cancelled on me and the other one ended up getting a boyfriend and cancelled too. Oh well.
(Am I capable of posting about something other than my personal life? Holy fuck I don't have many posts that aren't about my personal shit)9
This has been an eventful week I guess. Not a happy week, however.
A friend of mine passed last Thursday. We weren't too close, but we were still friends, and he was very close to a couple other friends of mine. He'd always had health issues, but he was only 19. He hadn't been out of high school for a full year.
Then I just found out today that another friend of mine got arrested for shooting and killing someone this past weekend. I don't know many details about what happened, mutual friends are saying it was self-defense. He's never seemed like the kind of person that would just murder someone, but shit happens.3