Windows 10's been "processing updates" for an hour now and it's only at 49%. What is this shit?

Time to switch to a sane OS

@asgs suggestions?

Wth. now it's just a black screen with a loading icon. I dont know if it's still doing anything.

Debian or Fedora

@DustInCompetent first of all try to reboot the machine and put your ear near the hard drive, if you hear it work then it does thing if it stops boot in a live Linux based environment and backup your files and make a note of your programs and if possible if they have settings files copy them and reinstall windows.

Oh, update on that:
Apparently it got stuck somewhere between displaying the loading animation and the windows logo
I rebooted and it kept going.
For another hour.