47
NoMad
43d

A memorial for my favorite rant of all time "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road ......

C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.

COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.

Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.

Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.

Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ' backed up' before crossing.

Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.) See also WMI Monitor.

Linux Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.

OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Microsoft's Chicken: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more its just bought the road.

Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like........ chicken.

Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.

VB Chicken: USHighways! <TheRoad.cross> (aChicken)

XP Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

The Longhorn Chicken had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.

The Vista Chicken dazzled itself with its own graphics.

Comments
  • 4
  • 8
    from comments:

    "Intel i9 chicken, cooked itself to death." by RageBone
  • 7
    from comments:

    "Windows 10 chicken - started crossing, turned back, stuck in between it's own legs, tried troubleshooting but got crashed by it self." by Noob
  • 6
    from comments:

    "JavaScript Chicken: Never wanted to cross the road and it was hated by all chickens...Years later all other chickens are trying to help him cross the god damn road." by charlitos
  • 2
    Why did the chicken cross the road repostedly, and then even mistagged?
  • 7
    From comments:

    "(The (Lisp (Chicken crosses) (the) (road but) it ((finds) itself)) in (front of (an (unmatched (parenthesis))))))" by ohemelaar
  • 1
    @Fast-Nop mistagged?
  • 1
    @NoMad You do know what the joke/meme category is for, right?
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop but this is a story :P because I'm holding the memorial here :P
  • 3
    @NoMad Chickenshit, yo mama is a story!
  • 6
    @Fast-Nop She came back home early last night complaining that you couldn't keep yo D up so thanks for nothing!
  • 3
    @NoMad Yeah but I'm sure she encounters that problem so often that she's got used to it. :P Luckily, @rutee07 never fails me.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop loool at least she encounters it. yo mama has been hoarding spiderwebs in her down-under for years now.
  • 2
    @NoMad My ma is still awesome. Not quite as awesome as when she got me of course because my staggering awesomeness had to come from somewhere, but she still rocks the boat.
  • 5
    Schrödinger Chicken: Nobody knows what happened to the chicken and everybody is afraid to look.

    Edit: sorry, didnt see quantum chicken on first read...
  • 11
    @Fast-Nop Show me your cock, daddy. It's the only juicy pulsing rooster I need.

    Speaking of chickens. This reminds me of the time I told my childhood friend that I'm gonna buy some chicken breasts, he looked at me shocked and said, "Chickens have tits?!"
  • 8
    Azure chicken - the chicken came up to the road, looked to the left and then to the right before crossing and then the road crossed the chicken because during that split moment when nobody was looking there were sudden changes because of recently rolled out updates on Azure that haven't been fully documented or explained anywhere apart from that flimsy blog post about inbound updates.
  • 3
    @theKarlisK 🤣🤣🤣🤣
  • 7
    K8s chicken: the chicken locked itself in a tiny container and deployed itself on the road as a replicaset c133c439. It replicated itself and scaled up to the capacity sufficient to consume [stop] all the traffic on the road. When the traffic was under control it scaled down to the other side
  • 4
    Aws chicken: ASG created 2 more chickens on both AZs on different sides of the road. Then it decided there are too many chickens and it terminated two of them on the AZ at the initial side of the road leaving a single chicken instance in another AZ across the road.

    Sporadic multi-AZ rebalancing: successful
  • 10
    devrant chicken: Why the fuck do I need to cross the road? People are always expecting me to cross the road. It ain't my job to cross the road. My job is laying eggs and eating bugs. Don't tell me how to do my job. Damn farmer keeps telling me to cross the road. Fuck him, fuck the farm, fuck the cow, and fuck that gmo chicken feed!

    Edit: Could also be labeled "farmrant chicken".
  • 2
    Rust chicken: the chicken tried to cross the road, but it didn't implement the copy trait, so now it's stuck to one side.
  • 3
    @aggelalex On the upside, the chicken has already been borrowed to the other side so that a car cannot flatten it.
  • 5
    BDSM chicken: Gets hit by a car while crossing the road and cums.
  • 4
    Agile chicken: has meeting after every two steps as it approaches the road then has to have an emergency meeting involving the farmer, the road workers crew and some random bystander who got subcontracted as outsource when it turns out the road has two lanes instead of one. Everyone agrees that one lane will be demolished and removed to meet the deadline of chicken crossing the road. Time passed and chicken has crossed the one lane and has a status update meeting one week from the deadline to determine if the chicken has crossed the road, turns out the road crew half-demolished the other lane and built additional two for some reason, meanwhile the outsource turns out has duplicated the chickens and they've been getting run over by cars all this time. Farmer storms in late to the meeting, cuts it short, grabs the chicken and has a rallying meeting with the team chicken they then catapult the chicken across the town surpassing the deadline and all expectations.
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