Need somebody to yell at me every evening so I get my shit together and draw something.

Practice makes perfect; rite?

So tired I've been hitting Esc for a while instead of on button.

So, as I'm currently cut off from the world of tech, my anxiety in regards to research has settled and I actually enjoy doing it again on my terms. It just makes me jealous to look at all these people developing cool stuff and wanting to get in on the project and maybe improve a part or two, particularly the robot kind. I want to slap some neural nets on majority of the robotic shit I see, or optimize them, or do something to make them more robust... But I don't have a research position right now where I can spend time and money doing that. So I just sit in front of my laptop and sulk.

... And literally this is why we can't have nice things. Cuz I'm not hired to make nice things. Literally.

I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP!

and it now has a functioning linux 😁

I fucked it up once tho. I removed the entire network manager by uninstalling bluez. How the fuck, I don't know.

Chromium cannot sign in (to Google) anymore to sync.

I would just like to know, why does google hate secure systems?

Worst: Not landing a decent job
Best: dev-wise, none really.

It has been a rather shit year, really.

Fuck! WiFi issues are nerve-wracking!

We're nearly in 2022 and I have to still deal with outages. I want my dial-up modem back. 😐

PhD saga:

The applications have closed and yours truly shall await the results, which could come anytime in January or February.

And so I wait. I hate this limbo since there is nothing for me to do to impact the outcome. What's worse is that I am absolutely unmotivated to do anything else. Since this project is literally my dream, and despite how I'm trying to mentally prepare myself in case I don't get in, there's just something in my brain that goes like "nah. I just want this shiney thing. Just this and nothing else". So I don't even know what to do with myself.

*Sigh*

OK! NOBODY MOVE! 🙅

I finally have a candidate for the laptop I want to buy. 😁

MSI modern 15 A5M

Anybody used it? Anybody got something against it?

Current lappy got about 4GB RAM and not enough cores. I can't even run krita without it slowing down more the more I work on a file.
It would be frustrating if only I wasn't so depressed.
So yeah, due to being broke and lack of nerves, I'm gonna completely stop working on the comic for now.

If Gmail could let me edit the labels (that I've made myself) on the android app, that'd be greeeeeeeat. 😐

I've forgotten how to make friends.

I think I've grown to the point where I can barely tolerate myself, let alone somebody else on a regular basis. Plus, being busy makes it hard to be decent to people and actually get back to their messages and calls.

Plus, I don't code anymore...
*Starts making another cocktail before the supervisor starts yelling*

I sometimes forget windows is absolute shit. Then I get to work with one and remember. Specially since microshit has actually banned my email (because I didn't give it my mew phone number it's sulking like a creepy stalker) and so I can't even properly log the fuck in into a machine I was using a few years back. 😐

If someone makes a windows rip off that could properly deal with .exe files, count me a customer. (in future tho. I haven't got money for shit rn)

As someone into the cutting edge research in tech, it is my pleasure to inform you that I finally bought a pair of Bluetooth headphones. 😁

Yeah, nah, the irony ain't lost on me.

1) Read the wiki on git. I probably have enough shorthands and test methods that you won't need much other shit to debug issues.

2) when debugging, remember that if it is there, there's a good reason why I put it there.

3) commented-out code is probably useful for maintenance. I left it there for a good reason. 😛

4) chances are whatever I wrote, was the state of the art at the time I wrote it. There might be better ways to do it now tho.

5) I always work modular. First, understand the structure. (probably also documented on wiki) DO NOT fuck up the structure. If you change it, you document it.

6) If you feel I wrote shit, it's probably because management annoyed the living shit out of me. Pun intended.

7) Your confusion is normal. I don't do dumb shit.

Yours truly might make the money by new year to buy themself a new laptop.
And only then the projects that were left to die, will finally see the light!

Fingers crossed tho! 🤞

PhD application saga:

So, the recommenders showed up. And one by one, the letters are rolling in. I am a little hopeful.

And also anxious since there's a mere 4% acceptance rate.

But now, we shall wait...

🐀
*Goes into hiding to anxiously binge-eat*

Am I the only one who thinks this type of "diversity hire" is absolutely wrong?

At this point, honestly, just to change to a business degree and work on being content instead. I have to go a good 20 years back tho, and change all my childhood dreams and aspirations too.

(I had a thick head and really wanted to work with robots. 😐)

Fuck it. I'm tired. Anybody found me a rich husband? I'm ready to assume the role of a trophy wife.

1. Still no recommendation letter. My PhD application is hanging on a thread. If I were such an intolerable ass, someone could've at least told me. Or at least told me "no" when I asked them to write these damn letters.
2. I turned down a job offer, cuz a) offered salary was below market average for that role on that level, b) the guy who was supposed to be my senior and the only other person in the team gave the vibe that he disliked me, and c) asked the PM a simple question of what is his expectations of the product for the next three to six months and didn't get a solid answer. (Can't do magic tricks)
So I turned it down cuz I don't want to get stuck in another's swamp. (Been there, done that!)
3. I'm running out of ideas for the comic I was working on. As well, the backgrounds of drawings proved to be an absolute hassle. Gah.
4. So, the next switch is to the barista role. I have signed up for a lackey/intern/assistant role which starts in about two weeks. Wish me luck cuz if this doesn't work out I'm all out of ideas. Like, literally don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. Which will make those who are jealous of me really happy, but I shouldn't make my life about what doesn't make enemies and frenemies happy, right?

Update on the saga of PhD application:
(Refer to previous rants for info)

My recommenders have effectively vanished from the face of earth. Emailed again a few days ago, haven't heard anything back yet.
I am almost sure I can't get in without recommendation, even with all my other glories.

... Is this the end of the dream?

None, actually.

Tho I should thank Mr. S, calculus teacher in my last year of highschool, and most of my physics teachers, and that one lady in first year of highschool teaching maths. I think those were way more important in teaching me logic than the folks who pretended to teach me stuff later in uni.

Oh, and that dude, Sir O.D., who was my professor of embedded microcontrollers in uni. Didn't teach me much programming, rather taught a memorable lesson on VHDL and how hardware really works.

Screw OpenAI gym!

This piece of shit, frozen lake, doesn't even work properly!

Gaaàaaaæaaáaaãaaaaâaaåaaäaāaaah!

Current alternatives for OpenAI Gym?

So,

A) I suck at digital drawing.
B) They have not invited me to the third interview like they said they would in the second interview.
C) I am still working on the PhD application. Still think the CV is bad, the SOP sucks, and back and forth emailing professors about recommendation letters. I am not built for this, but who is. So out of comfort zone. So unrelated to actual research or brain capabilities.
D) Moving in with parents is all fun and games and "I can do this", until you get stuck inside with them for over a month because of lockdowns.

... I hope next year is going to be better...

- had an interview going well
- existential crisis kicks in
- fear of being found out to be a fraud and phoney kicks in

This is why I can't have nice things! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

!dev
This thing is eating away at me so just shut up and listen.

I have started applying for this uni for PhD (don't judge me) and for that, I will need recommendation letters, right? So I emailed two of the people who have already agreed to write me recommendation letters, to confirm the details that I'll give the said uni to contact them. Emails were sent out on Thursday. It's now soon to be Tuesday and I haven't heard a thing back. And this is abso-fucking-lutely killing me!!!! (There's still another to be emailed but he's a bit high and mighty and I'll email him after I get feedbacks from these two about my motivation letter and CV.)

Like, when you know my whole future depends on a single email of yours, saying that I'm a good PhD candidate (and oh boy, that is a joke; considering that I'm applying for literally one of the best unis in this particular subject in the whole world... I'm well over my head, aren't I?) why would you keep me standing on one leg just to confirm your contact details? I mean I know I'm overreacting a bit considering the deadline is yonks away, but still, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Give up, start notebook, cry, yell, scream, pull hair out, close notebook, come back in a few months and finish it in one day. 😐

Anybody knows anything about MLOps? What are the industrial trends for ML these days?

Progress:

Drew all day. Threw out all of them.

😐