"doEs AnYOnE HAVE IssUeS wiTh gETTing gIrl beCoz CodIng"

lmao what a fucking dweeb. What a loser really. How about we don't make a fucking job something akin to a personality trait?

were I single, would I sell myself as a "cODER" to a girl? fuck no, do some of you nerds really introduce yourself in such way? is this bs ass job your end all be all? aye, this be the easiest way to poise yourself in the complete opposite direction of the female sexual organ.

Fucking quit that shit, ain't no one really gasping for air because you can lay down some fucking js in a website, who gives a fuck? like really? these posts are so fucking annoying.

Grow a pair, and some personality.

Background: some dweeb complaining to me about finding it hard to get girls because of his "passion" station women would lose interest because all he would talk about is dev shit

@rutee07 i wouldn't fucking doubt it. That shit is so lame man fr fr. FOR both sexes, imagine trying to have a conversation with someone on a get to know you basis and someone trying hard to just talk about the same boring topic lmao

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My girlfriend knows absolutely nothing about coding or video games but somehow despite the fact that my job and number one hobby are completely incomprehensible to her, we still made it work.

Because I listen to her when she talks. Thats it. That's fucking it. That's the big secret behind a successful relationship. Shut up and listen. And maybe think about what she hears when you talk. I can talk about my job if I use the right words, but when I don't have anything interesting to say to her, I listen to her instead. Works wonders. We've been together for four years now.

for me being a person that tries to be analytical and tries to think in processes and modules is a personality trait i can sum up by calling me a programmer. and i hope one day people stop belitteling others for their self perception. but if it is the only topic to talk about one surely should install some entertaining plugins. if it would not have been for my wife i sure as hell would be sitting alone in the dark, but with me being the only reason for that. still i consider it valid to be sad about not finding like-minded people, just don't accuse anyone. and yes, i am admittedly boring af

@Jilano that's the best part about programming becoming a mainstream career instead of a niche group of people: the stereotype of we're all losers who have the social skills of a rock is becoming less and less accurate.

Yes, I introduced myself being a programmer? Tbh, it worked fucking well and me and my girlfriend are pretty happy together.^^

I dunno, maybe if you don't be a dipshit about it, it works?

It's even worse when programmers read mostly programming books in their leisure time. Sure, it can make you a better dev, but it doesn't make you a more rounded person. Especially when your main hobby is also coding. There's more to life, no shit!

Also, only coding without physical exercise won't make you physically attractive (even if you don't fuck up your nutrition and get a fat neckbeard), but what's much worse are the painful back problems you'll likely run into once you hit your mid-thirties.

@nitwhiz

When you're 15 and you've learned Javascript, "I am a coder" might indeed be the only interesting thing about you. So then it's not the fact that you're a coder, it's the fact that you're ONLY a coder which repels potential mates.

The cure against being romantically unwanted, is simply to become more interesting as a person, refine your hobbies and tastes.

Then there's also the problems with being picky, and cultural "castes" in western society -- Sadly, there are these pretty strict borders around subcultures which people corner themselves in to.

That goes for the hyperbolic trope of the shallow cheerleader only wanting to date the jerk of a quarterback, but just as well for the coder who either simps horribly for said dimwitted cheerleader, or is looking for that unicorn nerd female who has the EXACT same love for Japanese dating games and developing Minecraft plugins -- instead of noticing other options, such as the artistic girl in the back of the class.

@Nanos

Eh, I would never say no to sex with my wife.

Combining coding as a job and hobby together with a healthy romantic relationship means I tend to game a bit less.

I also try to fit career/work into moments where my wife is sleeping in on a Saturday morning -- where in the past I would've spent that time on mindlessly hanging on the couch watching garbage on TV.

Also, it helps when a lot of your personal interests are overlapping -- watch the same series, play similar games, eat lunch together, etc.

@rutee07 Maybe he is unemployed and has 35 children. Or his lover bit off his penis.

@Nanos I feel like you might be fishing in the wrong pool, if all your dates are that shallow.

I've never dated a girl who had to be taken to dinner or swooned with gifts.

Sure, I like doing something special for people, but if it was a prerequisite that wouldn't work for me.

If her love is so formulaic that it can be purchased with a dinner date, she's a prostitute. Not that there's anything wrong with escort work, it's just not a great basis for romance.

My dates have always been connections over common interests — not a single factoid about Egyptian pottery, but more of a "hey we have a 30% overlap in the entertainment we enjoy, what else do you like?", followed by a shared 2 hour tipsy discovery of kpop bands. Yeah, you do need an open mind, of course!

One of my high school flings actually started as a challenge: I would join her dance class if she joined a Star Trek TNG marathon — she became a trekkie, I ended up winning a ballroom competition with her.

@Nanos The number one thing an alpha-ish man has, and which by your postings I suspect you lack, is focus.

Damn I feel horrible now.

@nitwhiz I am not saying to hide every aspect of it from other people or to feel ashamed about it man, I said to not make it the end all be all of your personality traits. See what I mean?

@Fast-Nop Exactly.

This is why I do this one thing to myself: every time I screw something up at work I make myself do 20 push ups.

I am ripped af

@erroronline1 See, this is my thing, I do understand and see how certain personality traits and other aspects of self might be a very big contributing factor to the fact that we are in the field that we are. At the same time, and you even said it yourself, if this be the only topic one talks about, then installing some entertainment plugins is much more required.

Specially if I see people, like the ones I described in my post, complaining, and otherwise whining about not being able to get with someone of the opposite (or equal) sex because of their inability to convey something other than "i CoDe" to others.

I am not shitting on people for being "coDerZ", I am shitting on them for being boring neckbeards that complain for their lack of attraction towards others while chastising them for not being interested in their "coDinG"

@Fast-Nop @Nanos

The funny thing is that the whole alpha/beta personality classification is something used by people to make their own insecurities worse.

The alpha wolf theory published by Schenkel in the 40's has been refuted in the 90's -- mammals display "age-correlated situational social dominance". Younger males & females challenge older group members for leadership as they mature.

In humans, we call that process puberty.

Of course, there are personality traits, and humans came up with artificially constructed castes which are especially prominent in American culture.

But the whole "I'm not Alpha enough to date that (or any) girl" is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

My philosophy:

1. Partying with the pack is more effective than hunting prey. Be nice to people, but not with the goal to get into pants.

2. Don't fake interests, but do show genuine interest in other people's interests. And you might end up genuinely liking Kpop, and that's OK too.

@Marethyun How hard is it to say something along the lines of: "I am a software engineer/developer(computer scientist if you want that pizzazz to hit them, I work in creating things similar to the apps on your phone, the games that you like to play, or that website you like to use"

You are thus bridging the gap between the otherwise highly technical field in which we are to something that they like. Ain't no in this world who won't know what these things are.

Works for me before I got married. But I am cute af tho :P

@bittersweet That's why I wrote "alpha-ish", to convey that this is a concept, not actual reality (map vs. territory). The latter would be more like a continuum between alpha and beta, and may even change depending on the situation. But still, I think it's useful because humans just aren't as special as they'd like to imagine.

Let's take @AleCx04's story how he covered the back of his team. That's alpha-ish behaviour because it's a) focused and b) has the whole group in mind. Which is also why alpha-ish people are accepted as leader: because the rest of the pack knows there's something in for them if they follow.

That also happens to be the key difference between alpha-ish and jerkish. Wannabe-alphas don't get that and think being an asshole makes them alpha.

While that's still better than being the nice guy in terms of dating, it has the side effect of ending up surrounded by assholes because the non-assholes turn away.

@AleCx04 Yes of course, I totally see that. But that's nothing exclusive to programmers imho.
You can't imagine how many girls say "fitness" is their hobby. And that's it. They're often interested in: gym, gym and clubbing.
Not that great of a collection of traits either..:D

I think that's a everybody's different thing. And from our perspective you should be able to do more than code and from others perspective they are perfect because they go jogging once a week. To come back to my initial argument: People will be dipshits about what they do because people have a low or very weirdly defined self esteem. I very much hope I can keep this aspect under control for myself but wtf who even cares.

Lol there's not a single girl commenting this rant 😂👌

@OneOfSimpleMind it would be pretty brutal for them to say some shit here lmao

@OneOfSimpleMind @AleCx04 Dating advice from women is usually not what a man should pay attention to anyway.

@Nanos But vasectomy without sex is like booking a flight to Las Vegas without wasting some money in a casino.

@Nanos WTF? You built a pedal car with two seats because some lazy cupcake demanded a car? And you regard that as useful dating advice?

That's so wrong on so many levels that I'm speechless, and that doesn't happen often.

@Nanos Telling across the internet does have limits, and RL might always be a totally different story. That said, you seem jumpy in your thoughts, like always being already somewhere else. A lot of associative thinking, which in itself is often a sign of creativity, but it lacks coherence and is pretty chaotic. Note that I'm not doubting your intelligence.

@EmberQuill That’s the secret: communication. There are lots of things that matter, but given some compatibility between you two, communication is the most important.

You’re different people; you are going to be different, think differently, have different interests. Guess what? That’s a good thing! It makes your life more interesting! Suddenly your life is up to twice as rich; possibly more than twice if you’re boring and reclusive.

Think about it this way instead: Having a clone of yourself would be boring and bloody awful: you would have nothing to say, nothing interesting to share, no new experiences or perspectives. Boring. Don’t try to find a copy of yourself.

But I digress. Communication is the most important thing to get right. Listen, discuss, understand. And try to make things interesting for oneanother.

To put it more simply: Neither of you matter. The two of you, together, matter.

@Nanos The 1k limit is a good thing because otherwise, you'd struggle even more with getting to the point. ^^

That idea with changing to get women more interested seems just as wrong as the two-seater. It's born out of the misguided perception that a woman is the price, and you have to prove worthy.

Come on, a cupcake demanding a car, WTF! You could have laughed her off and suggested that she get her lazy ass on a bicycle.

Do shit for YOURSELF. If you want to be fitter, do it because you'd like yourself better. Do it because it fits your vision of your life. Well, and because less fat means more testosterone of course.

If it fits your vision of where you want to be, exercise could also help calming down if it's something that doesn't provide lots of stimulating input.

For example lifting, where it's just you and the iron. Your willpower three times per week grinding against weakness and pain. It's not just about getting stronger physically.

@Nanos I've actually once been bitten by my dog back then, which was half of an accident because he found some animal cadavre and I took it away from him. Usually, I was the faster one of us, but he snapped out of reflex and too quickly.

That was the only time when I really beat him up, with the intent of inflicting severe pain (without injuring him of course). I hated doing that, but I had to make sure that biting me would never cross his mind again.

The next days, he was visibly afraid of me, which took some trust-building and patience on my side to get it sorted out. He never needed that lesson again.

@Nanos It does, but it's trickier. You prove worthy by not having to prove worthy. Let her prove worthy of you as well. Crazy thought, isn't it?

@Nanos It would be all for you when you'd start, but a few months in of regularly overcoming pain and inner weakness, you'd also experience more mental strength because it trains being focused. Maybe something like meditation in movement.

@Nanos I abolished my car before I even got serious about dating and have only owned a motorbike ever since. But yeah, motorbike and heavy metal do mix well. ^^

@Nanos

I'm not sure if you use cars as a euphemism for penises... 🤔

> You must have a great body

No.

> He's still hung up on a lesbian ...

My wife is asexual/lesbian, we're together for 16 years now, with a baby on the way. We consciously chose each other because of romantic feelings, fully understanding that shit would be complicated.

The truth to relations is compromises and flexibility. We do have a sex life. We share a bed, and the occasional girl on the side. My wife doesn't hate penises, but really doesn't feel attraction either.

It's not all paradise and porn-style pillowfighting lesbians in the bedroom, there's some pros, and plenty of cons.

I have to initiate sex, because my girl just forgets about it. It took time to get used to the idea that she's with me because of our mental connection, and will never get physically turned on by me — but on the other side, it's fun to have your wife whisper in your ear "check out the hot girl at our 2 o'clock".

@Nanos

So, what I mean with fishing in different pools is — keep an open mind.

Your soulmate might be neither classically alpha nor beta, but rather a 37 year old Tattooed Russian photographer you meet in an art gallery you weren't planning on visiting, or the Syrian immigrant student girl who cleans the office, or a super chatty perky kpop fanatic who organized an upcycling DIY workshop you thought was kind of lame... Well, I'm mostly just listing my own ex-flings.

I guess my gift is neither paying girls with dinners, having an expensive car or an athletic body.

My gift is probably the insane impulsivity which causes me to end up drugged on ketamine on the backseat of some weed-smoking grandma's car together with her pet Caracal and her horny granddaughter. I still have two scars on my leg from that adventure, and only one of them was from the cat's teeth.

@Nanos Asexual means different things to different people.

To my wife it means very little interest in sex altogether, but no repulsion either. She doesn't hate sex, in the same way I don't hate doing the dishes. She likes women, physically & aesthetically. She likes making me and sometimes other girls happy, but describes orgasms as "emotionless bodily reactions, on par with sneezing".

This conv has turned very interesting

@AleCx04 Thanks for not being angry at us turning it "a little"(tm) offtopic. ^^

@rutee07 Being lazy is also common with many Western women, but the plot is a bit different: they study something, but it's totally useless. Like liberal arts or gender crap so where they won't find a job. Then it's finding a husbank (sic) and divorce raping him.

Solution: don't date women where the CV gives away that plan.

@rutee07 The funny thing is - that plot worked before feminism. Not with gender shit of course, but with liberal arts, and without intent of divorce rape.

The woman used to be the mother at home anway, the unis with useless studies were kind of marriage brokers, and liberal arts made at least some interesting education.

That was the classic role split, but then women said they didn't want this anymore, and now there's a considerable number who want the benefits of the classic role split AND of modern times. Doesn't work because that's just crazy for the men.

@Fast-Nop I always dig it, and appreciate how civilized the conversation happened. I notice some of us communicating more with each other and I think its cool, I think it is really cool that we recognize avatars and usernames :D So if I bring about a topic, and it takes a spin and people go somewhere with the discussion I will always dig it, to me it brings about the idea of community. I really dig it.

'How do I get a girl?'. You don't, girls are people. You don't 'get' people. People may like you and want to talk to you. Sometimes people like you so much that they want to be intimate. If 'get' is all you are capable of go pay someone to pretend to like you....rant over but ffs

@lechuckles "you don't get people"

Wayfair begs to differ lol

@lechuckles i honestly don't believe that when these dweebs say that they are saying it in a "HOW DO I BECOME THE OWNER OF THIS FEMALE/MALE?" rather than how do they get a chance to do literally everything you said, talk to them, become intimate, establish a relationship etc etc.

But I see where are you coming from.

@AleCx04 the most annoying thing is that I bet I said that in my youth. Thank fuck for growing old

@lechuckles it be like that for all of us growing up man

@AleCx04 for the first time it was truly hard, but i’ve told to my gf at the time, “i did and learned coding just bcuz i wanna crack your code darling” hell no.. she fell with my poison tho 👀

an important rule for life: you are not your job.

good filter for boring people is: ask them 'what do you do', if they answer with their job , theres a better than 50/50 chance that they are a bore.

I suspect a few people will be along to claim they dont think this is the case..these are the people who answer with their jobs lol.

Im just trolling. we're all guilty of answering with our job at one point or another.

which just goes to show you that not being boring is a skill we all can work on.

I like to tell people im a spy. Or a former masked wrestler, or a dozen other things. straight face.

people are more interested in the show, the illusion, than the substance of a person. always keep it light.