54
AleCx04
23d

"doEs AnYOnE HAVE IssUeS wiTh gETTing gIrl beCoz CodIng"

lmao what a fucking dweeb. What a loser really. How about we don't make a fucking job something akin to a personality trait?

were I single, would I sell myself as a "cODER" to a girl? fuck no, do some of you nerds really introduce yourself in such way? is this bs ass job your end all be all? aye, this be the easiest way to poise yourself in the complete opposite direction of the female sexual organ.

Fucking quit that shit, ain't no one really gasping for air because you can lay down some fucking js in a website, who gives a fuck? like really? these posts are so fucking annoying.

Grow a pair, and some personality.

Background: some dweeb complaining to me about finding it hard to get girls because of his "passion" station women would lose interest because all he would talk about is dev shit

Comments
  • 15
    Lol. One of my College classmates only want to date "dev girls". He's in his late 20's now, never had a girlfriend, probably still a virgin.
  • 16
    They hide behind their passion instead of admitting that they truly are boring.
  • 6
    @rutee07 i wouldn't fucking doubt it. That shit is so lame man fr fr. FOR both sexes, imagine trying to have a conversation with someone on a get to know you basis and someone trying hard to just talk about the same boring topic lmao
  • 8
    ‎‎‎‎‎‎
  • 17
    My girlfriend knows absolutely nothing about coding or video games but somehow despite the fact that my job and number one hobby are completely incomprehensible to her, we still made it work.

    Because I listen to her when she talks. Thats it. That's fucking it. That's the big secret behind a successful relationship. Shut up and listen. And maybe think about what she hears when you talk. I can talk about my job if I use the right words, but when I don't have anything interesting to say to her, I listen to her instead. Works wonders. We've been together for four years now.
  • 2
    for me being a person that tries to be analytical and tries to think in processes and modules is a personality trait i can sum up by calling me a programmer. and i hope one day people stop belitteling others for their self perception. but if it is the only topic to talk about one surely should install some entertaining plugins. if it would not have been for my wife i sure as hell would be sitting alone in the dark, but with me being the only reason for that. still i consider it valid to be sad about not finding like-minded people, just don't accuse anyone. and yes, i am admittedly boring af
  • 3
    @rutee07 That's the saddest part: it wouldn't be too surprising for a kid to act like that but when you get older, that goes from a little silly to creepy.
  • 6
    @Jilano that's the best part about programming becoming a mainstream career instead of a niche group of people: the stereotype of we're all losers who have the social skills of a rock is becoming less and less accurate.
  • 4
    @Stuxnet Definitely! Humans and other half-breed are now more represented instead of mostly trolls and goblins.

    Can you imagine when we'll stop seeing stupid posts like @AleCx04 described?
  • 5
    Yes, I introduced myself being a programmer? Tbh, it worked fucking well and me and my girlfriend are pretty happy together.^^

    I dunno, maybe if you don't be a dipshit about it, it works?
  • 9
    It's even worse when programmers read mostly programming books in their leisure time. Sure, it can make you a better dev, but it doesn't make you a more rounded person. Especially when your main hobby is also coding. There's more to life, no shit!

    Also, only coding without physical exercise won't make you physically attractive (even if you don't fuck up your nutrition and get a fat neckbeard), but what's much worse are the painful back problems you'll likely run into once you hit your mid-thirties.
  • 1
    Usually when you code, you spend every waking minute working.

    This is not so compatible with a girl, since they want your time spent on them.

    As to the question of talking about your work to your partner, I wouldn't bother since they aren't really interested, they just want you to shut up and take off all your clothes..

    So, work less, enjoy life / partner more.

    Of course, if you work less, you might end up poor..

    Balance is required.

    This means at times, saying "NO!" to sex, I have work to do !

    Otherwise you might end up like I did..
  • 8
    @nitwhiz

    When you're 15 and you've learned Javascript, "I am a coder" might indeed be the only interesting thing about you. So then it's not the fact that you're a coder, it's the fact that you're ONLY a coder which repels potential mates.

    The cure against being romantically unwanted, is simply to become more interesting as a person, refine your hobbies and tastes.

    Then there's also the problems with being picky, and cultural "castes" in western society -- Sadly, there are these pretty strict borders around subcultures which people corner themselves in to.

    That goes for the hyperbolic trope of the shallow cheerleader only wanting to date the jerk of a quarterback, but just as well for the coder who either simps horribly for said dimwitted cheerleader, or is looking for that unicorn nerd female who has the EXACT same love for Japanese dating games and developing Minecraft plugins -- instead of noticing other options, such as the artistic girl in the back of the class.
  • 6
    @Nanos

    Eh, I would never say no to sex with my wife.

    Combining coding as a job and hobby together with a healthy romantic relationship means I tend to game a bit less.

    I also try to fit career/work into moments where my wife is sleeping in on a Saturday morning -- where in the past I would've spent that time on mindlessly hanging on the couch watching garbage on TV.

    Also, it helps when a lot of your personal interests are overlapping -- watch the same series, play similar games, eat lunch together, etc.
  • 3
    @Nanos End up like you did when you didn't say no to sex? You have to finish that story, man.
  • 4
    @rutee07 Maybe he is unemployed and has 35 children. Or his lover bit off his penis.
  • 1
    @rutee07

    I ended up homeless and penniless.

    If I'd spent more time on coding and less having sex, I could have got more work done.
  • 2
    @bittersweet

    I had the snip, so no matter how many times I did the deed, I didn't have to worry about any babies.

    If there was any, they wasn't mine !
  • 1
    > become more interesting as a person

    I think that is a false positive.

    I for example, couldn't be a more interesting person!

    I found though that didn't really help at all, I could play dumb (Which is quite difficult to keep my mouth shut about everything..) and get the exact same level of interest, or non-interest..

    If you have a good body, go places *they* want to go to, do things *they* want to do, who you are, is, well, really unimportant.

    What you say, is, really unimportant.

    So, just enjoy your time with them.

    Focus instead on the things that make a difference in them selecting you, eg. do gym time. (Or home gym is cheaper!)

    But knowing about the finer points of ancient Egyptian pottery making, even if it is their main job, just gets you a momentary "Wow you know something about that!", followed by "Where you taking me out for dinner.."
  • 0
    > instead of noticing other options

    You mean date someone that is into x86 code and not just ARM assembler !
  • 1
    I'm aware of the *alpha male" who decides that as a couple they should instead go to a tech show, rather than visit the zoo..

    You lead, they follow..

    Until they bump into the other guy who wants to take them to the zoo instead..

    Tech shows you go with friends. (Or partners who also happen to like tech shows..)

    You may well find that the only thing you have in common, is sex..

    I do try and restrict myself to chatting to would be romantic partners who at least watch one TV show the same as me !

    I'm reminded of a dating profile that stated the guy had to have 72 I think it was, exact same interests as this person.

    I only managed 52..

    I wonder, did they ever meet anyone else who had 53 ?

    Or was it like guys I've known who change their profile interests to match 100% with anyone they are interested in, and hope they don't ask them questions until after they have slept with them !
  • 6
    @Nanos I feel like you might be fishing in the wrong pool, if all your dates are that shallow.

    I've never dated a girl who had to be taken to dinner or swooned with gifts.

    Sure, I like doing something special for people, but if it was a prerequisite that wouldn't work for me.

    If her love is so formulaic that it can be purchased with a dinner date, she's a prostitute. Not that there's anything wrong with escort work, it's just not a great basis for romance.

    My dates have always been connections over common interests — not a single factoid about Egyptian pottery, but more of a "hey we have a 30% overlap in the entertainment we enjoy, what else do you like?", followed by a shared 2 hour tipsy discovery of kpop bands. Yeah, you do need an open mind, of course!

    One of my high school flings actually started as a challenge: I would join her dance class if she joined a Star Trek TNG marathon — she became a trekkie, I ended up winning a ballroom competition with her.
  • 1
    Reminds me of a woman I knew who was studying nuclear physics, but lesbian, perhaps if I showed her my reactor, there could have been some sparks..

    Is that better or worse than having a stamp collection..
  • 3
    @Nanos The number one thing an alpha-ish man has, and which by your postings I suspect you lack, is focus.
  • 2
    Honestly never got how anyone could find it hard, i am not dating myself, but like the past few years i have made some few female friends (and i am literally a unsocial rock).

    1. Dont be an asshole
    2. Have at least something in common (does help a lot)
    3. Have some personality (like humor etc)

    That should get you started pretty well. Only idiots use the "sHe DoEsNt lIkE mY pAsSiOn" execuse.
  • 1
    Damn I feel horrible now.
  • 1
    @Nanos I enjoy reading your stories especially these weird online dating occurrences.
  • 2
    @Frederick Well said. The more you make her laugh, the less she'll be able to see your face (credits to unknown guy somewhere)
  • 3
    By the way I find that's difficult to introduce our kind of job to non-tech people. Whenever I try they just end up by boiling it down to "sit down in front of a computer all day and night" or "hack things", aka for most of them a nerdy and uninteresting job..
  • 4
    @nitwhiz I am not saying to hide every aspect of it from other people or to feel ashamed about it man, I said to not make it the end all be all of your personality traits. See what I mean?
  • 5
    @Fast-Nop Exactly.

    This is why I do this one thing to myself: every time I screw something up at work I make myself do 20 push ups.

    I am ripped af
  • 2
    @erroronline1 See, this is my thing, I do understand and see how certain personality traits and other aspects of self might be a very big contributing factor to the fact that we are in the field that we are. At the same time, and you even said it yourself, if this be the only topic one talks about, then installing some entertainment plugins is much more required.

    Specially if I see people, like the ones I described in my post, complaining, and otherwise whining about not being able to get with someone of the opposite (or equal) sex because of their inability to convey something other than "i CoDe" to others.

    I am not shitting on people for being "coDerZ", I am shitting on them for being boring neckbeards that complain for their lack of attraction towards others while chastising them for not being interested in their "coDinG"
  • 4
    @Fast-Nop @Nanos

    The funny thing is that the whole alpha/beta personality classification is something used by people to make their own insecurities worse.

    The alpha wolf theory published by Schenkel in the 40's has been refuted in the 90's -- mammals display "age-correlated situational social dominance". Younger males & females challenge older group members for leadership as they mature.

    In humans, we call that process puberty.

    Of course, there are personality traits, and humans came up with artificially constructed castes which are especially prominent in American culture.

    But the whole "I'm not Alpha enough to date that (or any) girl" is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    My philosophy:

    1. Partying with the pack is more effective than hunting prey. Be nice to people, but not with the goal to get into pants.

    2. Don't fake interests, but do show genuine interest in other people's interests. And you might end up genuinely liking Kpop, and that's OK too.
  • 3
    @Marethyun How hard is it to say something along the lines of: "I am a software engineer/developer(computer scientist if you want that pizzazz to hit them, I work in creating things similar to the apps on your phone, the games that you like to play, or that website you like to use"

    You are thus bridging the gap between the otherwise highly technical field in which we are to something that they like. Ain't no in this world who won't know what these things are.

    Works for me before I got married. But I am cute af tho :P
  • 2
    @bittersweet That's why I wrote "alpha-ish", to convey that this is a concept, not actual reality (map vs. territory). The latter would be more like a continuum between alpha and beta, and may even change depending on the situation. But still, I think it's useful because humans just aren't as special as they'd like to imagine.

    Let's take @AleCx04's story how he covered the back of his team. That's alpha-ish behaviour because it's a) focused and b) has the whole group in mind. Which is also why alpha-ish people are accepted as leader: because the rest of the pack knows there's something in for them if they follow.

    That also happens to be the key difference between alpha-ish and jerkish. Wannabe-alphas don't get that and think being an asshole makes them alpha.

    While that's still better than being the nice guy in terms of dating, it has the side effect of ending up surrounded by assholes because the non-assholes turn away.
  • 1
    @AleCx04 Yes of course, I totally see that. But that's nothing exclusive to programmers imho.
    You can't imagine how many girls say "fitness" is their hobby. And that's it. They're often interested in: gym, gym and clubbing.
    Not that great of a collection of traits either..:D

    I think that's a everybody's different thing. And from our perspective you should be able to do more than code and from others perspective they are perfect because they go jogging once a week. To come back to my initial argument: People will be dipshits about what they do because people have a low or very weirdly defined self esteem. I very much hope I can keep this aspect under control for myself but wtf who even cares.
  • 0
    Lol there's not a single girl commenting this rant 😂👌
  • 1
    @OneOfSimpleMind it would be pretty brutal for them to say some shit here lmao
  • 2
    @OneOfSimpleMind

    That's because they are all out there having fun. :-)

    With someone else..
  • 1
    @OneOfSimpleMind

    How do we know the gender of all of us here ?
  • 0
    @AleCx04

    > I am cute af tho :P

    You probably could have got away with saying you worked in a sewage works. :-)

    Actually, that reminds me of a woman I knew who worked in a fish shop, she found it really hard to find a boyfriend, since no matter how much she washed, she always smelt of fish..
  • 5
    @OneOfSimpleMind @AleCx04 Dating advice from women is usually not what a man should pay attention to anyway.
  • 0
    _

    > "I'm not Alpha enough to date that (or any)

    > girl" is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Easy to check though.

    Just try..

    I'm reminded one person I think it was here, tried 2.5 Million times, results 0..

    I've only tried half a million times myself, results 0..

    I'm reminded when I went to therapy about the issue, first few therapists said I just needed to try.

    After repeatedly trying and failing..

    I eventually found a therapist who was so much better, they told me, "don't be so stupid, that will never work, stop trying !"

    They helpfully told me what worked, what didn't.

    Life was so much easier after that, since I stopped wasting effort in those areas I had no chance, and instead focused on the areas I did have a chance in.

    I also stopped walking down dark alley ways at night too..
  • 0
    @Nanos But vasectomy without sex is like booking a flight to Las Vegas without wasting some money in a casino.
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    Not usually, but sometimes they let slip one very useful piece of advice.

    For example the other day I was asking a woman what she wanted in a man, one of the answers was:

    A car. (She didn't drive herself, and wanted to be picked up at home to be taken out someplace.)

    So I asked for more details, a pedal car would be acceptable, if it was a 2 seater. (And only one set of pedals..)

    So, change my current pedal car design from a one seater to a two seater !

    Of course, this will require a passenger weight limit to be in force..

    And I'd better lose a bit of weight myself too, otherwise I'm never getting up those steep hills !
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    I had the vasectomy way before I had lots of sex. :-)

    Probably about half way, since before I only dated women who had been spayed and couldn't have kids. (Since I didn't know if I wanted them or not at the time, a such, its best to air on the side of caution I thought, but this restricts your dating pool quite a lot!)
  • 0
    ------

    if this be the only topic one talks about, then installing some entertainment plugins is much more required.

    ------

    I found it best to simply not talk about anything !

    Either you are both having sex, or you aren't physically in the same room, in which case, you can get on doing whatever it is you do when you aren't having sex..

    Of course, this does make it difficult to chat online..

    But it appears online chat is only for one thing, passing phone numbers..

    So you can arrange a date..

    And not talk !

    And there was me wasting my time being chatty about every subject under the sun !

    Instead, all I had to do was put up a picture, some details about myself, and wait for the phone numbers to arrive..

    Of course, if my picture isn't good enough, and the details about me not suitable, that doesn't happen..

    But it doesn't not happen because I'm not chatty enough !

    Or that I just need to chat to the 500,001 person..
  • 0
    _

    > difficult to introduce our kind of job

    > to non-tech people.

    I just say I'm retired, I'm old enough now to get away with that !

    I'm reminded someone I knew used to say they worked in a Banana Factory..
  • 0
    > more you make her laugh

    Make sure she has good bladder control before you do that !
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    ---------

    The number one thing an alpha-ish man has, and which by your postings I suspect you lack, is focus.

    ---------

    That is a very helpful comment.

    I consider myself, super focused, but obviously, if I'm appearing the opposite, then I'm not presenting myself in the correct manner.

    I've no idea how to go about presenting myself in a more focused manner, because obviously, if I knew, I'd already be doing that !

    Any suggestions on what more focused people look like, that I don't ?
  • 2
    @Nanos WTF? You built a pedal car with two seats because some lazy cupcake demanded a car? And you regard that as useful dating advice?

    That's so wrong on so many levels that I'm speechless, and that doesn't happen often.
  • 1
    @Nanos Telling across the internet does have limits, and RL might always be a totally different story. That said, you seem jumpy in your thoughts, like always being already somewhere else. A lot of associative thinking, which in itself is often a sign of creativity, but it lacks coherence and is pretty chaotic. Note that I'm not doubting your intelligence.
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    I can't afford a real car !

    Hence making a pedal car.

    If all the cupcakes are lazy, then I'd better make sure its a 2 seater !
  • 3
    @EmberQuill That’s the secret: communication. There are lots of things that matter, but given some compatibility between you two, communication is the most important.

    You’re different people; you are going to be different, think differently, have different interests. Guess what? That’s a good thing! It makes your life more interesting! Suddenly your life is up to twice as rich; possibly more than twice if you’re boring and reclusive.

    Think about it this way instead: Having a clone of yourself would be boring and bloody awful: you would have nothing to say, nothing interesting to share, no new experiences or perspectives. Boring. Don’t try to find a copy of yourself.

    But I digress. Communication is the most important thing to get right. Listen, discuss, understand. And try to make things interesting for oneanother.

    To put it more simply: Neither of you matter. The two of you, together, matter.
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    > like always being already somewhere else.

    Is nicely put.

    My mind is a worldwind of activity, with thoughts popping up out of nowhere constantly.

    Thank goodness for note taking !

    And also computers, since now I can saturate myself with information.
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    > it lacks coherence

    Interesting to hear that observation.

    I think part of the reason is that with a 1k message limit for replying, I can't fit everything in that I would ideally like.

    I'm used to systems with a 65k message limit, so you have plenty of room to amble your thoughts.

    That and I'm often catching 5 minutes to dip into devRant in-between doing things.

    I am interested though, in how I might appear more coherent.

    Since I can quite imagine that is something women I want to date could pick up on.

    None have mentioned it yet, but then, getting folk to talk about your limitations is often rather difficult !

    Eg. no one says to your face, "Your fat!"..
  • 0
    > Communication is the most important

    > thing to get right.

    I'm not sure about that at all.

    I'm reminded of:

    https://youtube.com/watch/...

    > Santa's Little Helper VS

    > The Simpsons - The Simpsons

    And:

    https://youtube.com/watch/...

    > What is your dog thinking?

    > Brain scans give glimpse

    I've tested in relationships being communicative and not.

    Unexpectedly I found not being communicative was far more successful !

    My partner told me they was much happier that I didn't talk to them about things they didn't understand. (Even though I dated top of the class folk.)

    And they didn't really care about what I had to say, only what I did.

    So discussions about what to have for dinner, all pointless.

    Either ask them what they want, or make a list of things you know they like, and choose at random from said list.

    Else you end up choosing something you want, that they don't, even if they tell you its fine !
  • 0
    Note, rows (Do you spell it that way, doesn't sound right ! rouges..) can be about the only time when honest communication happens.

    Usually they tell you all the things they hate about you..

    So, why not tell you sooner !

    Especially when you had specifically asked, repeatedly !

    Communication in practice is a lot harder than you might imagine.

    You might think you are communicating.

    But then, after the divorce, you hear from their friends, about how you lacked communication skills, that you didn't listen to what they was trying to tell you..

    You only listened to what they actually said to you !

    It helps to read minds..
  • 1
    > alpha wolf theory

    Is surprisingly still doing well in animal circles, but I guess animals don't read the internet to tell them they are wrong !

    Sadly their owners do, which is why we have an increasing number of folk who get bitten by their own animals, because they aren't being the alpha in the pack themselves..
  • 0
    @bittersweet

    > you might be fishing in the wrong pool

    I try to fish in all the pools that let me in. :-)

    I can quite imagine there are other pools, I just can't get into them..

    I'm trying to work on that one. (Hence building a pedal car so I can go and gatecrash social like events..)

    As such, I'm always keen to learn where pools are that I might be unaware of.

    I literately try and join everything !

    But hey, someone's got to be at the bottom, or even just one below someone else higher up who is getting what they want.

    That's the joy of competitive evolution, some of us are losers.

    It's all relative too !

    I do what I can to climb the ladder, and any guidance there is welcomed.

    The same as I try to advise those who might be below me, what might help them.
  • 1
    @Nanos The 1k limit is a good thing because otherwise, you'd struggle even more with getting to the point. ^^

    That idea with changing to get women more interested seems just as wrong as the two-seater. It's born out of the misguided perception that a woman is the price, and you have to prove worthy.

    Come on, a cupcake demanding a car, WTF! You could have laughed her off and suggested that she get her lazy ass on a bicycle.

    Do shit for YOURSELF. If you want to be fitter, do it because you'd like yourself better. Do it because it fits your vision of your life. Well, and because less fat means more testosterone of course.

    If it fits your vision of where you want to be, exercise could also help calming down if it's something that doesn't provide lots of stimulating input.

    For example lifting, where it's just you and the iron. Your willpower three times per week grinding against weakness and pain. It's not just about getting stronger physically.
  • 0
    > 1. Dont be an asshole

    I'm reminded of two things.

    One, an ex of mine ran off with one of the worlds biggest assholes !

    Two, I experimented just a little bit online in dating sites, being an asshole, and amazingly it was very successful.

    I stopped doing it though for moral / ethical reasons.

    But it did make me wonder, maybe being an asshole actually does work better than you might imagine..
  • 0
    @bittersweet

    ---------

    I've never dated a girl who had to be taken to dinner or swooned with gifts.

    ---------

    Maybe you have a great body ?

    Eg. that is your gift.

    Or a great car..

    I'm reminded of a female friend of mine who recently got herself a boyfriend, his redeeming factor, he has a nice car.

    In fact, he spent his entire wealth on this one expensive car, just so he could get a girlfriend, and it worked !

    He doesn't have any other redeeming personal qualities, other than being all round average.

    She so likes being in that car !

    Which reminds me of another friend, who said she would only date a guy with a really big car. (Like a Daimler.)

    As such, my little pedal car didn't have a look in there..

    Though, one friend said, it wouldn't matter what vehicle I had to get to her place, as long as I could afford to pay for a taxi to the date location !

    I guess we'll see if that is correct once I finish my pedal car..

    Which I may as well make a 2 !
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    > you have to prove worthy.

    That's how it works in the animal kingdom, why would it be any different with humans ?
  • 0
    -----

    The 1k limit is a good thing because otherwise, you'd struggle even more with getting to the point. ^^

    -----

    Luckily I can post more than one message. :-)

    Thankfully this place doesn't stop you posting too many like Facebook does..
  • 0
    @Nanos I've actually once been bitten by my dog back then, which was half of an accident because he found some animal cadavre and I took it away from him. Usually, I was the faster one of us, but he snapped out of reflex and too quickly.

    That was the only time when I really beat him up, with the intent of inflicting severe pain (without injuring him of course). I hated doing that, but I had to make sure that biting me would never cross his mind again.

    The next days, he was visibly afraid of me, which took some trust-building and patience on my side to get it sorted out. He never needed that lesson again.
  • 0
    > Do shit for YOURSELF.

    Then I'll just be alone with my own shit !

    Like I am now..

    It's great, I get to do all the coding, all the projects, work on everything I want.

    Just, on my own..

    Because all that shit, isn't what anyone else wants.

    There is no, magic person in the world I haven't discovered yet.

    It's just I'm not appealing enough.

    Thus, I have to make myself more appealing, and spend less time trying to solve the rest of the worlds problems..

    Unless I can combine the two things into one task..
  • 1
    @Nanos It does, but it's trickier. You prove worthy by not having to prove worthy. Let her prove worthy of you as well. Crazy thought, isn't it?
  • 0
    -------

    It's not just about getting stronger physically.

    -------

    For me, that is all it would be for.
  • 1
    > That idea with changing to get

    I'm reminded of that story (stop me if you've heard it..) of a woman I met in a doctors waiting room with a huge lump on her forehead.

    I asked her when she was getting it removed. (conversation starter..)

    Said told me that no one ever asks about it..

    And that she really wanted a boyfriend, but had never had one. (she was 40+)

    Everyone had told her that she looked beautiful the way she was, and some guy would see beyond that.

    She never met that guy..

    Some 6 months later I bumped into her in the street, she had a tall athletic man on her arm, and she introduced me to her new boyfriend.

    Thanking me for giving her the courage to have that lump removed, and it transformed her life.

    As she wasn't there that day at the doctors to have anything done about that lump.

    So, perhaps if we knew which ugly lumps we had sticking out, we might do something about them, than to hope that one day, someone will see beyond that..
  • 1
    @Nanos It would be all for you when you'd start, but a few months in of regularly overcoming pain and inner weakness, you'd also experience more mental strength because it trains being focused. Maybe something like meditation in movement.
  • 0
    ---------

    Let her prove worthy of you as well.

    ---------

    That made me laugh. :-)

    I do have a few more variables these days that I insist upon. (Which radically reduces the dating pool size !)

    Non-smoker for example.

    But the chances of finding someone who could be my tandem partner, that is so remote a possibility, as to be an unfulfilled lifetime ambition.

    I am unaware of tandem couples.

    Early investigations so far do indicate the guy has more than just a tandem..

    Usually a car too !

    A house..

    A well paid job..

    An athletic body..

    Is over 6ft tall..

    It's not just about the tandem..
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    FX [ Nods in agreement about weights being good for developing mental strength. ]

    I already have a stupid amount of mental strength though.

    But someone without, I could see its benefits, and I also recommend it to folk too !
  • 1
    @Nanos I abolished my car before I even got serious about dating and have only owned a motorbike ever since. But yeah, motorbike and heavy metal do mix well. ^^
  • 0
    ----

    You prove worthy by not having to prove worthy.

    ----

    Reminds me of this short clip:

    https://youtube.com/watch/...

    > S03E03 - Bart at Karate Course

    The last 8 years I've been not proving myself, it hasn't worked !

    I think if something doesn't work, maybe it needs changing..

    I'm reminded of a friend of mine, convinced he didn't need to prove himself his entire life.

    Yes, he died aged 70 something, still convinced.

    Still single.

    Great guy, knew tons more than me about so much, super intelligent, talkative.

    Reminds me of another guy I know, he is only in his 50's now, single..

    Similar..

    He is still hung up on a lesbian he met first met in his teenage years, they are at least friends on Facebook now.

    Sadly he has become all the things women don't want, but all the things women say they want..

    It's so depressing dropping in on his life to see how lonely and depressed he is.
  • 1
    @Fast-Nop

    Yeah I hear good things about motorbikes and dating. :-)

    Is why its on my todo list after the pedal car. :-)
  • 0
    > Let her prove worthy of you as well.

    Reminds me of when I was being choosy and only dating women with the same shoe size as me.

    Not to share high heels. :-)

    But slippers and Wellington Boots, since I lived in a really small room, there wouldn't be space for two lots of different sized footware !

    This is the kind of place I lived in for many years:

    https://petapixel.com/2013/02/...
  • 0
    @Nanos

    Interestingly, I think where I am, I don't need a motorcycle license.

    But sadly, if I build a motorbike, I think I need to get it approved before I can put it on the road. :-(

    No one makes a motorbike like what I want..
  • 1
    @Nanos

    I'm not sure if you use cars as a euphemism for penises... 🤔

    > You must have a great body

    No.

    > He's still hung up on a lesbian ...

    My wife is asexual/lesbian, we're together for 16 years now, with a baby on the way. We consciously chose each other because of romantic feelings, fully understanding that shit would be complicated.

    The truth to relations is compromises and flexibility. We do have a sex life. We share a bed, and the occasional girl on the side. My wife doesn't hate penises, but really doesn't feel attraction either.

    It's not all paradise and porn-style pillowfighting lesbians in the bedroom, there's some pros, and plenty of cons.

    I have to initiate sex, because my girl just forgets about it. It took time to get used to the idea that she's with me because of our mental connection, and will never get physically turned on by me — but on the other side, it's fun to have your wife whisper in your ear "check out the hot girl at our 2 o'clock".
  • 0
    @bittersweet

    > cars as a euphemism for penises...

    No. :-)

    But that is another interesting area..

    One big plus there, it helps to know where the G-spot is !

    Not that you need to access it for them to achieve orgasm..

    Lasting hours and hours helps.
  • 0
    > asexual

    You know, I've noticed an increase in the number of dating profiles with that in it.

    But I'm a bit confused, doesn't it mean, not to have sex ?
  • 1
    @Nanos

    So, what I mean with fishing in different pools is — keep an open mind.

    Your soulmate might be neither classically alpha nor beta, but rather a 37 year old Tattooed Russian photographer you meet in an art gallery you weren't planning on visiting, or the Syrian immigrant student girl who cleans the office, or a super chatty perky kpop fanatic who organized an upcycling DIY workshop you thought was kind of lame... Well, I'm mostly just listing my own ex-flings.

    I guess my gift is neither paying girls with dinners, having an expensive car or an athletic body.

    My gift is probably the insane impulsivity which causes me to end up drugged on ketamine on the backseat of some weed-smoking grandma's car together with her pet Caracal and her horny granddaughter. I still have two scars on my leg from that adventure, and only one of them was from the cat's teeth.
  • 2
    @Nanos Asexual means different things to different people.

    To my wife it means very little interest in sex altogether, but no repulsion either. She doesn't hate sex, in the same way I don't hate doing the dishes. She likes women, physically & aesthetically. She likes making me and sometimes other girls happy, but describes orgasms as "emotionless bodily reactions, on par with sneezing".
  • 3
    @Nanos I know someone who was handsome, educated, rich, has a car, has a big dick, social, and traveled all over the world. He was charming and had no trouble attracting women but none of them would stay because despite all these good traits, he is unstable and lacks focus. He would want one thing one day and another the next day.

    He changes his mind more often than the stereotypical woman does and from my observation, most women do not want to be "the man" in a relationship. Even the naturally submissive women will attempt to dominate if she thinks the man he's with is not getting the job done.

    These experiences of women leaving him led him to believe that women are just not loyal. He couldn't wrap his head around how difficult it is to deal with him, it's a never-ending heartbreak with no stable future in sight. If there's anything women all agree they want, it's stability and security. As long as the woman is not insecure or unstable herself. Rich men can't always provide that.
  • 0
    @bittersweet

    --------------

    Asexual means different things to different people.

    --------------

    That's helps to know, thanks.

    I'm reminded of a date where I gave the woman a massage (Without touching the naughty bits..) and she orgasmed, her first time it appeared. (She was 50+)

    She thought I was some kind of alien, since no one had ever done that to her before.

    Well, I thought I'm bound to get another date after that !

    No..

    So, I shouldn't discount Asexual's entirely from my selection process then.

    Could mean I could get plenty of work done and not have to keep servicing my partner all the time they are awake. :-)

    Not that I object to it, but I do have slightly better things to do than spend 12 hours florricking in the forest.. (I have no idea how to spell that, and neither has google!)
  • 1
    @rutee07

    ------

    He would want one thing one day and another the next day.

    ------

    Doesn't that kinda go together with someone who is rich, who can actually buy a different thing every day.. ?
  • 0
    @bittersweet

    - keep an open mind.

    I do that, I try to close it only as much as is needed to avoid the worst.
  • 1
    @rutee07

    ---------

    He would want one thing one day and another the next day.

    ---------

    That is interesting, as it could help explain why, when I reduced communication in a relationship, things went better.

    Because I stopped telling my partner what I was planning to do next in my life, since this was a constantly evolving situation, I would evolve my solution for best fit.

    This could well be seen as someone changing their mind constantly.

    Instead of telling them my latest direction, I just stopped telling them anything.

    All they saw was the slow and gradual movement of me heading towards something, but they didn't know what, or how I was getting there, and didn't appear concerned or interested in the details at all.

    All they wanted to know was, was I going to make dinner tonight, and sandwiches for tomorrows picnic..
  • 1
    @Nanos

    It's a bit like programming, you constantly change things as you discover what it is you want to do, what works best, how to do it.

    You don't start with a rigid plan that you don't deviate from till the end, do you. :-)
  • 1
    @Nanos Yes, except he also applied that to people and other areas of his life such as his career. He would want to be a therapist one day, a professor the next, and a developer on another day. Most days, he would daydream about living off welfare and getting stoned every day.
  • 1
    @Nanos Nothing wrong about changing your mind as long as it doesn't destroy someone's trust. For example, he would date women and openly discuss about having children. Imagine the pain of those women when they stay with him for years only for him to wake up one day and say, "I want to live off welfare, smoke weed, and get stoned everyday."
  • 1
    @rutee07

    Reminds me of a woman banker I knew. :-)

    One reason she wasn't very careful about birth control..

    She hated banking !

    They insisted she work hard !

    She lived alone literately in her ivory tower on the top floor, in luxury..

    We parted company after several years when I discovered what a hateful person she really was.

    That's two who both said "I'm the nicest person you will ever meet."..

    But I guess it doesn't work to say "I'm the most horrible person you will ever meet, date me!"..

    But then, what does a nice person say.. ?

    "I'm nice, honest Guv!"
  • 1
    @rutee07

    Reminds me of a woman I dated who declared she never wanted to have kids.

    10 years later, she changed her mind..

    I hadn't !
  • 1
    @Nanos That's her problem then. Hahaha.
  • 1
    @rutee07

    That reminds me of a woman I knew who didn't want kids, married a man, got a house on a mortgage, worked in a low paid job for 10 years.

    Then he suddenly said he had changed his mind, and left..

    They sold the house, which just about paid off the mortgage..

    So after 10 years hard work, she was left with nothing..

    Then she met me, then 2 hours later she met another guy, and 2 hours later another guy. (She liked to meet a lot per week to maximise her chances of finding Mr Right..)

    Eventually meeting a rich guy with a nice house who took her away from her low paid job and awful area to someplace nice and lovely.

    Not heard from her since, so must be having a great time !

    She also had Olympic sized arms, and could knock a man out with a single punch, should they not listen to her saying "Don't touch me again like that!".

    This apparently would leave a trail of unconscious men in her local pub !

    I do like a woman who can open pickle jars for me !
  • 0
    Related link:

    https://youtube.com/watch/...

    > Opening A Jar Of Pickles |

    > Season 1 | THE ORVILLE
  • 2
    @Nanos Where I grew up, people still tell young girls that when they grow up, they should marry someone rich and never have to work again. It's rampant here. There is a specific island where as soon as you land, you'll see young Asian girl + old white man couples. I don't see it as a wise move because just like in your story, when the man leaves, the women are back to zero unless they are married or in the west where men are usually the ones to get fucked during divorce.

    Reminds me of the guy I'm seeing. He is stranded in an island and looking for signal when a woman approached him, tried flirting, and asked if he's looking for women. She then proceeds to say she wants to marry a foreign military man so she can just stay at home and not work. This is in a third world country, btw, she said she's "already in her 30's" and didn't want to work anymore.
  • 1
    @rutee07

    ------

    wants to marry a foreign military man so she can just stay at home and not work.

    ------

    Reminds me of someone I knew who went straight from school to just that !

    She is in her 30's now, 2 kids, happy as a lamb.

    He might not come home one day, but she has huge life insurance for that day..

    He's a nice guy.

    She's pretty.

    That about sums them up. :-)
  • 1
    @rutee07

    I guess the ideal solution is Polyandry !
  • 4
    This conv has turned very interesting
  • 3
    @AleCx04 Thanks for not being angry at us turning it "a little"(tm) offtopic. ^^

    @rutee07 Being lazy is also common with many Western women, but the plot is a bit different: they study something, but it's totally useless. Like liberal arts or gender crap so where they won't find a job. Then it's finding a husbank (sic) and divorce raping him.

    Solution: don't date women where the CV gives away that plan.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop Hahaha. I laughed so hard on the useless degrees. Anything to say they "tried". A few decades later, it's Karen evolved.
  • 3
    @rutee07 The funny thing is - that plot worked before feminism. Not with gender shit of course, but with liberal arts, and without intent of divorce rape.

    The woman used to be the mother at home anway, the unis with useless studies were kind of marriage brokers, and liberal arts made at least some interesting education.

    That was the classic role split, but then women said they didn't want this anymore, and now there's a considerable number who want the benefits of the classic role split AND of modern times. Doesn't work because that's just crazy for the men.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop I like to think that this is just like the case of the incels. Nature finds its way to filter things out. Let's give it a couple more decades.

    And more in line with the original post, I noticed that the people with the worst, most hostile, and elitist attitudes these days often have no mating qualities (physical appearance, wealth, real talent, etc.). For the men, it's the hardcore coding or gamer nerd who has never had a tooth knocked out of his mouth. For the women, it's the morbidly obese hardcore feminists.

    Neither gets laid and hopefully, neither reproduces.
  • 0
    @Fast-Nop

    > then women said they didn't

    > want this anymore

    Are we sure they said that ?

    Maybe it was a government plant from another country making sure that your country folk did crazy stuff that made you no longer a threat to their country..

    Reminds me of coal power stations..

    "Oh no, you don't want cheap electricity to raise your poor from poverty, you want expensive wind turbines that only work half the time @ 10 times the cost.."

    https://ft.com/content/...

    > Developing economies need

    > power from coal
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop I always dig it, and appreciate how civilized the conversation happened. I notice some of us communicating more with each other and I think its cool, I think it is really cool that we recognize avatars and usernames :D So if I bring about a topic, and it takes a spin and people go somewhere with the discussion I will always dig it, to me it brings about the idea of community. I really dig it.
  • 2
    'How do I get a girl?'. You don't, girls are people. You don't 'get' people. People may like you and want to talk to you. Sometimes people like you so much that they want to be intimate. If 'get' is all you are capable of go pay someone to pretend to like you....rant over but ffs
  • 0
    @lechuckles "you don't get people"

    Wayfair begs to differ lol
  • 2
    @lechuckles i honestly don't believe that when these dweebs say that they are saying it in a "HOW DO I BECOME THE OWNER OF THIS FEMALE/MALE?" rather than how do they get a chance to do literally everything you said, talk to them, become intimate, establish a relationship etc etc.

    But I see where are you coming from.
  • 1
    @AleCx04 the most annoying thing is that I bet I said that in my youth. Thank fuck for growing old
  • 1
    @lechuckles it be like that for all of us growing up man
  • 0
    @AleCx04 for the first time it was truly hard, but i’ve told to my gf at the time, “i did and learned coding just bcuz i wanna crack your code darling” hell no.. she fell with my poison tho 👀
  • 0
    an important rule for life: you are not your job.

    good filter for boring people is: ask them 'what do you do', if they answer with their job , theres a better than 50/50 chance that they are a bore.

    I suspect a few people will be along to claim they dont think this is the case..these are the people who answer with their jobs lol.

    Im just trolling. we're all guilty of answering with our job at one point or another.

    which just goes to show you that not being boring is a skill we all can work on.

    I like to tell people im a spy. Or a former masked wrestler, or a dozen other things. straight face.

    people are more interested in the show, the illusion, than the substance of a person. always keep it light.
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