Dear intellectual crew, your double-digit IQ little shitposter needs your help.

The situation in Russia is always bad and it will always become worse and worse. In addition to that, it's illegal to have medications that can potentially cure me. Add 15 sunny days a year in my city and it becomes clear that I need to leave.

However, despite the absolute lack of sunny days, I FUCKING LOVE my city, Saint-Petersburg. When I was living in Moscow for like six months, I liked Moscow but I was missing my city every single day. Sometimes I forgot that I'm not in St. Petersburg anymore, tried to figure out what street I'm on, realized that I'm in Moscow and felt like I'm physically suffocating. I always miss my city so bad.

I'm not going to talk about why do I love it so much. If I ever start, I'm going to write a book about it.

Questions are:
1. Is it Stockholm syndrome? I don't miss Russia and don't identify myself as Russian. I only miss one city and I wasn't even born here.
2. How do I leave in that mental state?

This is the only problem that is holding me. Money, finding a place to stay and finding a job I can approach rationally, but my problem I can not.

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    Never really felt that way, so I can't really help you, but I'm curious what the others might say.

    Also I didn't want to be mentioned but I'm offended to be left out! (:D)

    Edit: I lost my Fall Guys game to answer.
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    I’m sure @Cup0Coffee doesn’t regret being German lol
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    Also: If you really want to do this, a good company should also support you in that, meaning finding something to rent, therefor money being less of a problem if both of that is working out.

    My old company was really supportive in that and I’ll love them to death for it.
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    @010001111 yes, company helps indeed, it's better to even leave together. I didn't think of that
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    Trigger warning: allegory time

    You gotta do what's right for you. I was lucky insofar that the place I came up in gave me no reason to love it.

    What I said in my previous rant is what I advise; your choice is curl up and die in the familiar, or refuse to die and head out to try and find better. There's no guarantee in that, but you have definitely enumerated some certainties.

    Having cut bait multiple times myself, I can say that many times it's not the grass is greener, it's that the grass is alive.
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    📌 for comments. There is sure to come a time when i gotta leave my nest and i am 1 hell crow's bitch about leaving anywhere but my home. Need to know how people make a home from a house in someplace else
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    you lie about sunny days. i lived in Petersburg for some time and it has a considerable amount of sunny days
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    @iiii you lie about binging video games. I’m an experienced gamer, I played two whole fortnite matches (and that’s it) and never had any problems with binging.
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    I used to live in the country next to my home country, was like a 30min drive and a 6h drive to my home city. 2 years ago I left for good. I hate the country I lived in and my home country, I hate their politics, their societies etc..
    I still do miss my home city sometimes though.
    Unfortunately it went downhill with the city, the refugee crisis hit them way too hard for one city.
    Still miss it.
    But the decision to leave was the best decision I’ve ever made. To be fair it still only takes me around 7-8 hours by airplane and train but have only been back there once since I relocated.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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    @uyouthe well, i've never played fortnite. but i have been playing No Mans Sky and Astroneer in the middle of the night
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    I don’t know either as I’ve never been in that situation, but @SortOfTested makes good points.
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    Regardless of whether there are sunny days or not, it is pretty hard to overdose vitamin D and most people working indoors have a deficit. Might try adding some (it needs magnesium for processing, so take that too) to your diet.
    It improved my mood a lot and made me less sleepy.
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    @Oktokolo I pay the team of medical professionals to constantly check me up and tell me what pills to take.
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    @Root she always does
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    The doctor actually diagnosed vitamin D deficiency after i had him test for it and payed for the test myself (not covered by healthcare).
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    @Oktokolo I know the exact numbers of every vitamin in my blood. I don’t have a vitamin d deficiency. Good point though, it’s often the reason behind being constantly tired
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    I was near by Moscow only for 4 years, and the more I was here the more I grew longing for my small homeland Yakutsk, more concretely the people I gathered along with, like college and school fellows. Since 2016 I'm told that city changed a ton. Heh, I'd happily verify this once I get enough earnings...

    Regarding your nostalgia, one train is a ticket away solution, I hope it won't cost that much for cha. ;) There are even persons that make roundabouts between these cities on weekly basis - though then, I think their perception of both is somewhat grounded.
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    @iiii i recently gave a machine learning college exam where i used st. Petersberg name to describe a hidden markov model, as used in the weather example here XD https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/....

    You can only know if its a rainy day or sunny day based on what bob does 😆
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    I feel for you, OP. I live in Seattle but my spiritual home is London. The heart of that spiritual home is NW3.
    After completing passport control following my arrival at LHR, and as I'm heading landside, I can feel my brain start to relax because I'm hearing the English language spoken in its correct (to me) accent.
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    Find out your lineage. Many EU countries are offering return programs where if you can prove lineage there, you can emigrate with very little and get on a path to citizenship
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    @jeeper well, my great great great ancestors were homo sapiens. Where's my blue card now?

    Evidence: attaches Nat Geo documentary.
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    @Jilano sacrifices we all make for our dear ones..
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    @uyouthe while this could be borderline Stockholm syndrome, it's more about the fact that you miss family, friends, and your people in that city along with local culture and not the physical place. Ofc, it could be physical place too.

    Moreover, as Sort said, it's important for grass to be alive than green.

    And if you have to move only because of Sun then try vitamin d3 and that solves my SAD.

    And with respect to mental state, this seems like OCD and intrusive thoughts. I have been there. Missed crazy job opportunities because of blind love for my city and used to think how will I be able to function in new places.

    Now I am actively looking to more for survival and growth.
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    @F1973 Sounds like someone is changing for the better. 🙂
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    @Root Hahaha yes yes someone is forced to and I think this is good sign now :)
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    I don't have time to read all the comments atm (will be back later), but I wanted to say this real quick: if you don't mind the darkness (i.e. staying relatively north is not a bad thing for you), move to Finland! Санкт-Петербург is only a quick train ride / cruise away, when home sickness hits. Estonia or Latvia may be good choices, too.

    But I know how you feel. I've been there (in many senses of the phrase now), and kind of am at the moment. More later...
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    So also, I read your rant a little wrong. I thought you were saying money was your biggest problem.

    If you can afford to save up the funds (they want to see at least 10,000 CAD) Canada is a great place to look, but based on the fact you have recurring meds, you might be rejected on that basis. It’s also hard to get in without having a job offer or a school offer rn.

    The world is a big place and from what I’ve heard Russia is stuck in a bit of low wages leading low opportunity leading to low wages loop rn. Immigration laws are complicated and varied. But it’s doable. Also look into if Russia has any working holiday agreements with any counties.
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    @jeeper finding an IT job in Russia is easy, I think it’s even easier compared to Europe. Finding any non-IT job is a fucking disaster here though
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    @uyouthe knowing that sometimes/often wrong people get positions in IT, this sphere is also becoming a clusterfuck to be hired within.
    High probability to be ghosted if you deliver test app at later date or being rejected for ridiculous reasons.
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