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I hate, HATE MYSELF!! I am an awful developer. I am an awful person.
I am trying so hard. To be a better person. To be a better developer. But, as a person I am again finding it difficult to empathize. At work, I really want to explore MERN stack but that I have to do it out of working hours. And damn! work is too much, I don't get time.
I need to work on a new project, for 2 months the discussions with MILLION TEAMS ARE GOING ON!!! NOTHING!! NOBODY HAS ANY IDEA!! THEY MIGHT FIRE ME!! I AM STRESSED!!
IT'S 1AM HERE AND I AM WRITING UNIT TESTS!! I want to cry. I want a partner maybe who can support me or maybe it's my mood swings.

Comments
  • 28
    No-one should feel this about their job.
    It was similar for me, for months, and yesterday I gave my employeer my notice.
  • 11
    Things will work out. i hope you are not in extreme financial crises so i would say keep hustling. Keep on doing the things you love (mern stack or whatever) , give it a little everyday if you can; or just quit completely , take a break of 6 months or so ,let someone else (parents , SO, your savings, etc) support you while you train yourself properly in mern stack. Then restart the loop , do some internships first and then apply for a better job.
  • 8
    @Linux oh great!! Good to see someone is leaving the hell. Congratulations!
    What's next?
  • 4
    @yowhatthefuck Thanks!!
    I think I should take a break, it's a big MNC with poor WLB. I am scared of getting fired though my management is aware that I am able to do things just the project is going down.
    My manager was very good to me when I joined then even he became very indifferent. He's letting me contact the other teams for 2 months although he agrees that it's not my job. I am doing it because I want to.
    But all of it ia giving me constant anxiety.
  • 7
    If you are trying hard to be a better developer I'm sure you're already a good developer, and if the worse things comes to happen (firing) you'll be able to quickly find a new and BETTER job. Just an stranger that trust everything will be ok for you πŸ™ƒ
  • 3
    I thought this was jilano’s first rant. I’m disappointed.
  • 2
    @yamlbreakfast thanks :) this made me smile :) I hope the best for you too!
  • 1
    @uyouthe who is that?
  • 4
    @true-dev001 @Jilano come say hi to her
  • 2
    @neeno @Jilano well... Hi :)
  • 3
    I'm sure your a great dev. One thing that has been helping me lately is forcing myself to compliment myself every day. I hope your situation improves πŸ™‚
  • 1
    And...
  • 8
    You're already a true-dev, how much greater do you want to be?

    Don't hate yourself, hate management, they're the ones pushing you past your limits, not everyone can sustain over reaching for long periods of time, and that's fine, we all burn our eventually.

    I'm currently at the 6 month marker for a 6 week project, who knew that would happen - oh... I did, hiring useless fucks ( ok they weren't all useles ) and signing off on requirements that were just utterly wrong that then had to be rebuiltπŸ™ƒ

    Now I'm stuck trying get all this "agile"... so not the right word, more like "waterfall from hell" project work into production.

    So today... I declare it as International FUCK YOU MANAGEMENT Day!
  • 2
    @C0D4 you are the best source of positive vibes. Thanks!
  • 2
    Life's hard. Then you die.
  • 4
    Don't blame yourself for everything that happens at a company level. Your skills are enough, trust me, this is just your standard project desperation issue. You can get through this if you really want or change places, don't let a job dictate your emotional well-being and don't let anyone make you feel inadequate
  • 3
    @bols59 you forgot taxes. Fucking taxes.
  • 1
    You almost there... You never an awful Developer.
  • 2
    Sounds like you're doing pm activities while beeing a developer. Coordination is hard if you have no say in the matter, imho.
    Try to get the most out of it, then leave when it gets too much. Mental health is more important then some mismanaged project.
  • 1
    @C0D4 Happy International FUCK YOU MANAGEMENT DAY from my side :) I wish this day you can say whatever you want to your management and like always they will ignore.
  • 0
    @AleCx04 Thank you!! that's quite right.
  • 0
    @AtuM Thank you for your suggestion :)
  • 2
    @true-dev001 Well, hello there! "It is I!" (I'm not sure why I'm here yet, but hey, at least... Something something."

    Also, like many others (especially the old wise ones) have said, don't try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. That serves no purpose besides ruining yourself.

    We don't know much about your situation which makes certain recommendations not suitable, but if you can, do take a break from all of that. It's clearly harmful to your health.
  • 1
    @Jilano Yeah I agree with the comments here. Thanks for your comment too :)
  • 6
    I wanted to say thanks to everyone commented here, I really am not able to share these things with someone because of corona and work load.

    Mostly I am pressurising myself too. I am trying to look impressive with updates I have each day for my projects. I am working to impress and according to the expectations from me.

    I'm not thinking that the management people don't know the small problems I am facing. I should be more assertive about the timelines and the expectations.

    Thanks again everyone, my burden feels lighter :)
  • 2
    @true-dev001

    I hope that you can can find something soon and fast, and a company that likes you as a person and what you do!
  • 1
    @true-dev001

    We all have our own problems and we all are struggling to deal with in our own way in our own capacity.

    One thing for sure, good days or bad days, everything shall pass.

    Hang in there tight and we shall be on other side soon.
  • 2
    I heard cocaine is good for that.
  • 2
    @cprn I'm working remotely.
  • 4
    @true-dev001 So you're already on it. Got you!
  • 3
    I feel this rant so much! I feel like I’m at a similar frustration level, slightly different circumstances but totally equally frustrated. I don’t necessarily hate myself but I do doubt myself which is so frustrating!
    Hang in there! You’ve got company & im there with you
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