I hate, HATE MYSELF!! I am an awful developer. I am an awful person.
I am trying so hard. To be a better person. To be a better developer. But, as a person I am again finding it difficult to empathize. At work, I really want to explore MERN stack but that I have to do it out of working hours. And damn! work is too much, I don't get time.
I need to work on a new project, for 2 months the discussions with MILLION TEAMS ARE GOING ON!!! NOTHING!! NOBODY HAS ANY IDEA!! THEY MIGHT FIRE ME!! I AM STRESSED!!
IT'S 1AM HERE AND I AM WRITING UNIT TESTS!! I want to cry. I want a partner maybe who can support me or maybe it's my mood swings.

No-one should feel this about their job.
It was similar for me, for months, and yesterday I gave my employeer my notice.

@Linux oh great!! Good to see someone is leaving the hell. Congratulations!
What's next?

@yowhatthefuck Thanks!!
I think I should take a break, it's a big MNC with poor WLB. I am scared of getting fired though my management is aware that I am able to do things just the project is going down.
My manager was very good to me when I joined then even he became very indifferent. He's letting me contact the other teams for 2 months although he agrees that it's not my job. I am doing it because I want to.
But all of it ia giving me constant anxiety.

If you are trying hard to be a better developer I'm sure you're already a good developer, and if the worse things comes to happen (firing) you'll be able to quickly find a new and BETTER job. Just an stranger that trust everything will be ok for you 🙃

I thought this was jilano’s first rant. I’m disappointed.

@yamlbreakfast thanks :) this made me smile :) I hope the best for you too!

@uyouthe who is that?

@true-dev001 @Jilano come say hi to her

@neeno @Jilano well... Hi :)

I'm sure your a great dev. One thing that has been helping me lately is forcing myself to compliment myself every day. I hope your situation improves 🙂

And...

You're already a true-dev, how much greater do you want to be?

Don't hate yourself, hate management, they're the ones pushing you past your limits, not everyone can sustain over reaching for long periods of time, and that's fine, we all burn our eventually.

I'm currently at the 6 month marker for a 6 week project, who knew that would happen - oh... I did, hiring useless fucks ( ok they weren't all useles ) and signing off on requirements that were just utterly wrong that then had to be rebuilt🙃

Now I'm stuck trying get all this "agile"... so not the right word, more like "waterfall from hell" project work into production.

So today... I declare it as International FUCK YOU MANAGEMENT Day!

Life's hard. Then you die.

Don't blame yourself for everything that happens at a company level. Your skills are enough, trust me, this is just your standard project desperation issue. You can get through this if you really want or change places, don't let a job dictate your emotional well-being and don't let anyone make you feel inadequate

You almost there... You never an awful Developer.

@C0D4 Happy International FUCK YOU MANAGEMENT DAY from my side :) I wish this day you can say whatever you want to your management and like always they will ignore.

@AleCx04 Thank you!! that's quite right.

@AtuM Thank you for your suggestion :)

@true-dev001 Well, hello there! "It is I!" (I'm not sure why I'm here yet, but hey, at least... Something something."

Also, like many others (especially the old wise ones) have said, don't try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. That serves no purpose besides ruining yourself.

We don't know much about your situation which makes certain recommendations not suitable, but if you can, do take a break from all of that. It's clearly harmful to your health.

@Jilano Yeah I agree with the comments here. Thanks for your comment too :)

I wanted to say thanks to everyone commented here, I really am not able to share these things with someone because of corona and work load.

Mostly I am pressurising myself too. I am trying to look impressive with updates I have each day for my projects. I am working to impress and according to the expectations from me.

I'm not thinking that the management people don't know the small problems I am facing. I should be more assertive about the timelines and the expectations.

Thanks again everyone, my burden feels lighter :)

@true-dev001

I hope that you can can find something soon and fast, and a company that likes you as a person and what you do!

I heard cocaine is good for that.

@cprn I'm working remotely.

@true-dev001 So you're already on it. Got you!

I feel this rant so much! I feel like I’m at a similar frustration level, slightly different circumstances but totally equally frustrated. I don’t necessarily hate myself but I do doubt myself which is so frustrating!
Hang in there! You’ve got company & im there with you

I'm assuming MERN is Mongo, Express, React and Nginx?

@junon Nope. It's MySQL, Excel, Remote Desktop and Notepad.

@cprn Ah right, my apologies.