89

- you don't like math
- you don't like study
- you don't read documentation
- you throw out the manual
- you like to punch a clock
- you dislike books and reading
- you don't ever work more than 8 hours
- you can't tolerate the occasional weekend work day
- you fold under pressure
- you aren't good at crunch time
- you can't do on-call without committing seppuku
- you don't have attention to detail
- you aren't interested in technology
- you're not good at explaining things
- you can't deal with change
- you're not excited by the prospect of extreme variety
- you don't have the ability to focus
- you can't deal with ego without resorting to violence
- you can't deal with someone calling your baby ugly
- you can't discriminate between fact and opinion

And many, many more

Comments
  • 8
    wrong wk tag^^ - good list though
  • 15
    Sounds like a boss I once had πŸ˜‚
  • 4
    Many people have subscribed to your rants
  • 5
    @Homuncoolus
    I miss when it would autoappend
  • 6
    @theabbie
    Thanks depend-a-bot 😸
  • 6
    Well to be honest, I've seen people who are ALL of the above(maybe except violance) or most of the above, and are decent devs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • 5
    @SoldierOfCode
    We probably just have different opinions on what a good dev is ☺️
  • 5
    This list disturbs me. I am like 95% of those things yet am currently faring well( tho devrant knows i am quite near to meltdown almost always) . But this list... Just no.
  • 1
    @yowhatthefuck
    The dev spectrum has broadened quite a bit in recent years, is a nice way to put it
  • 5
    Shoot i'll do all of these things as long as I dont have to solve P=NP.
  • 2
    @Entity-01000101
    But if you did that you could retire from the prize money ☺️
  • 2
    @SortOfTested
    This is true, but I might go insane anyways and what good is the money then ;-;
  • 0
    How can this be more correct?
  • 12
    > You don't ever work more than 8 hours

    I never work more than 8 hours for my employer. Closer to 5-6 per day.

    I do often submit to all-nighter study & experimentation binges which often creates value for my employer, but it's never meant specifically for my employer's benefit.

    > Crunch time

    πŸ–•

    > On-call

    Also πŸ–•.

    If my code fucks things up, QA should have stopped it. If the server breaks, DevOps should have stopped it.

    I'm not a total asshole, if I read that things are broken in company chat I tend to join in and help out -- but I became a developer so I could determine my own working hours.

    > Focus

    I do not focus. I commit to chaos... then describe to others what I see.

    Most devs are focused builders, cocaine-crazed ++'ers who must finish their commit streak. I swim through the code in a psychedelic trance, slicing through the spaghetti, adding -- lines to diffs, pointing out why things won't work.

    Both have value.

    > Your baby is ugly.

    😒
  • 2
    @bittersweet
    I've worked at a number of software product companies, the teams that I've seen succeed the most own the product and work on call in rotation. The ones I've seen fail and assume ridiculous amounts of unnecessary cost and bureaucracy are those with a team of underpaid, lesser capable QA engineers.
  • 2
    funny... The more I work within the industry, the more checkboxes I got.
  • 5
    pressure-related points: depends. There are companies/projects where devs are not asked a lot and are not pressured that much.

    OT/weekend/other extra-time points: I disagree. In fact, I always go against that PoV. Why do all the other specialists/engineers get to go home on time, but we don't? How come it's us, the people doing the deeds, who have to suffer rather than making it crystal clear our estimates are approximate and NEVER exact and make a business to flex around that under/overestimation?
    Being a dev is nothing but a 9/5, unless you agree for it to be anything else. Just like any other speciality.

    Math - yeah, the math-like thinking is required, but you hardly ever need the actual math.

    manuals/docs - well...I agree with the "throw away" part. But putting them aside until you absolutely need them - I don't think that's a problem. After all, many APIs are built to be intuitive. And the IDEs' IntelliSense works miracles around them.
  • 2
    @Entity-01000101
    This is an easy one to solve:
    Problem = No Problem

    Like-a-boss, no? ;-)
  • 3
    - you like to punch a clock
    - you don't ever work more than 8 hours
    - you can't tolerate the occasional weekend work day
    - you aren't good at crunch time

    Only if I'm getting paid for it, if I wanted to code for free I have a ton of side projects I would love to invest my time in. Is it an emergency or a once in a while thing? then sure, but I have nop need to bust my ass for free, there's always someone offering more cash for my work instead.
  • 2
    @SortOfTested I don't like being called out like that.
  • 0
    So if I'm not devoted to the corporation and doing extra work like oncall I'm not a dev?
  • 0
    Too many you's to be honest
  • 1
    Damn a lot of people here are complaining about the “work more than 8 hours” and “occasional work weekend” bullet points 😬 didn’t expect that.

    I don’t know if it’s different other places. The jobs I’ve had in the industry, it’s expected to put in the amount of work needed to complete a task, and will occasionally have to work in weekends. I’ve never had overpay for that, however my base salary have been quite high instead.

    I thought it was like that most other places - except for large companies.
  • 0
    @devs Why would large companies be any different. I don't know why so much rant is put towards the overtime from the devs. Sysadmins do their most important work when nobody else works. So we can absorb all kinds of rants the following Monday morning. Hell, I do not care if your mouse suddenly goes sideways. I just upgraded the core databases and migrated them onto a new OS and those 40 application servers are now in production working like swiss clockwork.
  • 0
    @AtuM overtime != working when nobody else does

    Experiencing the solitude through the night is not a bad thing. While others are asleep we can focus and work peacefully.

    The issue is when you sign up for 40 hours a week and you're expected to work 70 (on weekly basis, no one-time push-throughs), which are announced via random IM messages outside of your working hours while you already have other plans. Even better if it's because somebodys else fuck up and the thing they want you to fix is not even your responsibility.
  • 0
    @AtuM well, for one you typically only have one role at a large company. At my job I’m lead dev, architect and sysadmin. So I work late nights and weeks too to maintain servers or solve emergency bugs.

    In my experience, in large comp ones, everything is so slow, so people don’t need to work as much. And then tend to better follow laws and rules set by unions.

    It might be different in other countries or companies, I’m simply talking from personal experience, and what I hear from friends other places.
  • 0
    @qwwerty You got a point! And I am very much against overtime in general. It brings your value down and takes what is in fact yours!
    So I actually wrote some dumbass comment back there.
Add Comment