83

- you don't like math
- you don't like study
- you don't read documentation
- you throw out the manual
- you like to punch a clock
- you dislike books and reading
- you don't ever work more than 8 hours
- you can't tolerate the occasional weekend work day
- you fold under pressure
- you aren't good at crunch time
- you can't do on-call without committing seppuku
- you don't have attention to detail
- you aren't interested in technology
- you're not good at explaining things
- you can't deal with change
- you're not excited by the prospect of extreme variety
- you don't have the ability to focus
- you can't deal with ego without resorting to violence
- you can't deal with someone calling your baby ugly
- you can't discriminate between fact and opinion

And many, many more

Comments
  • 8
    wrong wk tag^^ - good list though
  • 14
    Sounds like a boss I once had πŸ˜‚
  • 3
    Many people have subscribed to your rants
  • 4
    @Homuncoolus
    I miss when it would autoappend
  • 5
    @theabbie
    Thanks depend-a-bot 😸
  • 6
    Well to be honest, I've seen people who are ALL of the above(maybe except violance) or most of the above, and are decent devs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • 5
    @SoldierOfCode
    We probably just have different opinions on what a good dev is ☺️
  • 5
    This list disturbs me. I am like 95% of those things yet am currently faring well( tho devrant knows i am quite near to meltdown almost always) . But this list... Just no.
  • 1
    @yowhatthefuck
    The dev spectrum has broadened quite a bit in recent years, is a nice way to put it
  • 5
    Shoot i'll do all of these things as long as I dont have to solve P=NP.
  • 2
    @Entity-01000101
    But if you did that you could retire from the prize money ☺️
  • 1
    @SortOfTested
    This is true, but I might go insane anyways and what good is the money then ;-;
  • 0
    How can this be more correct?
  • 11
    > You don't ever work more than 8 hours

    I never work more than 8 hours for my employer. Closer to 5-6 per day.

    I do often submit to all-nighter study & experimentation binges which often creates value for my employer, but it's never meant specifically for my employer's benefit.

    > Crunch time

    πŸ–•

    > On-call

    Also πŸ–•.

    If my code fucks things up, QA should have stopped it. If the server breaks, DevOps should have stopped it.

    I'm not a total asshole, if I read that things are broken in company chat I tend to join in and help out -- but I became a developer so I could determine my own working hours.

    > Focus

    I do not focus. I commit to chaos... then describe to others what I see.

    Most devs are focused builders, cocaine-crazed ++'ers who must finish their commit streak. I swim through the code in a psychedelic trance, slicing through the spaghetti, adding -- lines to diffs, pointing out why things won't work.

    Both have value.

    > Your baby is ugly.

    😒
  • 2
    @bittersweet
    I've worked at a number of software product companies, the teams that I've seen succeed the most own the product and work on call in rotation. The ones I've seen fail and assume ridiculous amounts of unnecessary cost and bureaucracy are those with a team of underpaid, lesser capable QA engineers.
  • 1
    funny... The more I work within the industry, the more checkboxes I got.
  • 6
    > you don't ever work more than 8 hours
    ???
    I am not going to slave for more than what the contract says
  • 4
    pressure-related points: depends. There are companies/projects where devs are not asked a lot and are not pressured that much.

    OT/weekend/other extra-time points: I disagree. In fact, I always go against that PoV. Why do all the other specialists/engineers get to go home on time, but we don't? How come it's us, the people doing the deeds, who have to suffer rather than making it crystal clear our estimates are approximate and NEVER exact and make a business to flex around that under/overestimation?
    Being a dev is nothing but a 9/5, unless you agree for it to be anything else. Just like any other speciality.

    Math - yeah, the math-like thinking is required, but you hardly ever need the actual math.

    manuals/docs - well...I agree with the "throw away" part. But putting them aside until you absolutely need them - I don't think that's a problem. After all, many APIs are built to be intuitive. And the IDEs' IntelliSense works miracles around them.
  • 1
    @Entity-01000101
    This is an easy one to solve:
    Problem = No Problem

    Like-a-boss, no? ;-)
  • 3
    - you like to punch a clock
    - you don't ever work more than 8 hours
    - you can't tolerate the occasional weekend work day
    - you aren't good at crunch time

    Only if I'm getting paid for it, if I wanted to code for free I have a ton of side projects I would love to invest my time in. Is it an emergency or a once in a while thing? then sure, but I have nop need to bust my ass for free, there's always someone offering more cash for my work instead.
  • 1
    @SortOfTested I don't like being called out like that.
  • 0
    So if I'm not devoted to the corporation and doing extra work like oncall I'm not a dev?
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