PM: That screwdriver you built me is really nice. I like how it works with all screws and bolts, does the work itself, etc., but I simply can’t get it to paint, and I really need it to cut my sandwich. Can it cut my sandwich?

PM: Also, since you finished it, the neighbor’s can opener doesn’t work, my dog got fleas, and our screw supplier ran into shipping issues. Fix these ASAP!

Bonus:
Also, remember that hack I forced you to do despite you telling me it wouldn’t work? Yeah it isn’t working. You need to fix that too.

Micromanagement at its best

With enough speed, you CAN cut a sandwich with a screwdriver

I genuinely and physically laughed.

Thank you :)

@bagfox He now wants it to yell in Spanish while cutting the sandwich. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

@Root Cheap alibaba Bluetooth speaker. Worlds first cloud-bases, tts, wireless, Spanish-nagging screwdrivers that not just screws around!

@Root You overthink it, just get it done, you’re the engineer!

Shouldn’t take more than a day? Great, I’ll make a meeting for tomorrow and invite the customer too.

@bagfox 😂
That’s amazing

The screwdriver is amazing. But it would be useful if it already knew which screws to screw on the chair and already do it automatically.

Also, it could cut the wood, plan the chair for the right size of someone with mesurements that cannot be informed or measured make everything and deliver automatically.

Oh, I need the chair with the right colors.

What? All that time to make and not done yet? It is just a screwdriver! You got to be kidding me!

1 week later:
Is it using nails already? It should also make other furniture pieces, not only chairs.

The screwdriver doesn't work anymore. That thing you did stopped it from doing that other thing now.

Wow! I wish I can see his code, need some comedy during this bad week (yes I know its proprietary and shit lol, not asking you a favor)

PM: The screwdriver doesn't work!

Dev: Why? What does it do?

PM: It does nothing!

Dev: *tests screwdriver* it works fine for me... show me how you're using it.

PM: *grabs screwdriver and just stands there immobile*

Dev: Emmm... you're supposed to screw the bolt... that's how screwdrivers work...

PM: What? No! The screwdriver must do everything for me! It must read customer's minds and anticipate their moves! It must track their behavior even outside of the internet! It must detect their bank card in their pocket and deduct charges against their will!

Their so called innovation are mere hallucinations

Yeah or maybe he can come up with other ideas from his pointy haired “brain” which is probably just a bundle of special nerves with little thought capacity like jellyfish. Ideas like “duur how about a screwdriver that can turn into a car...it will be great! You can press a button and it folds into a car kinda like that show...erm..megazords? Is um...that what it’s called?”

@d-fanelli You saw the future, no joke. He wants a transforming screwdriver now.

It started out just customizable, which I built. Now he wants various parts of it to dynamically change depending on the other parts. I didn’t build it that way! Everything is modular with absolutely no shared scope.

AhsoxgKshd.

Again, if he wrote code im willing to bet it’s absolute spaghetti. I would never want to work with it 😫

@d-fanelli No; he’s just a product manager. He is the go between for clients and developers, and also acts as a buffer between devs and sales.

He doesn’t understand code, and wouldn’t even know what to do repo access.

If he could write code, it would absolutely turn out to be a giant pile of fertilizer trying to do fifty things, and none of them well.

@Root oh thanks! I thought by PM you meant project manager, my project managers were developers too. Anyway I’m glad he’s not a dev, with his mental capacity (or lack thereof) he should stay the hell out of software development

Hm, I always wondered how and why the Magic Wand, the strongest Vibrator, was invented.

After this talk I know the why - enough hormones to forget this nonsense are pretty rare to achieve without it.

This comment thread is better comedic writing that most seasons of some shows on Comedy Central

PM informs CEO. Both get me on zoom: oh so the screwdriver yeah? Well now it's a spoon. Yes we want a spoon that fits into the bolt.
Me: So...screw..driver?
CEO: why are you so difficult? This is why nobody can approach you. A spoon. For a bolt. This is what the customers want.
Me: but...
PM: I will write up a 10 pager documentation on why it is absolutely important that this spoon fits exactly into the bolt. It shouldn't simply fit into the bolt. It should turn it.
Me: And you are sure you don't mean a screwdriver?
CEO: *leaves zoom. Texts my phone saying we need to talk. *
Me: *smokes a Jay and goes to sleep*

He wants a transformer