Me: Hey, I looked into the bug, *explain what it was, how I fixed it, when it will be pushed etc.*

Boss: *calls immediately* How are you doing with the bug?

Me: ... I sent you a message?

It should be completely acceptable to not have your picture taken or spread through the internet.

I'd love a feature in Facebook / Instagram that uses face recognition to forbid people from uploading my photos if I want to. It should be required by law on all social media.

Dear Managers,
This is not efficient:

Boss: * calls *
Me: * answers *
B: there's a bug in feature ABC! The form doesn't work!
M: ABC uses a lot of forms. Is it Form A, B, or C?
B: Umm... let's just go on a Zoom call!
* 5 minutes trying to set up a Zoom call *
* 3 more minutes trying to find the form *
B: This form in here.
M: It works fine for me. What data are you inputting?
B: * takes 5 minutes trying to reproduce the bug * (in the meantime, the call is basically an awkward silence)

You spent 5 minutes wasting both of our times trying to set up a Zoom meeting, and another 8 wasting MY tine trying to find the bug.

This is efficient:
B: There is a bug in form C. If I try to upload this data, it malfunctions.
M: Thank you. I'll look into it.

You saved me 8 minutes of staring at a screen and saved us both another 5 minutes of setting up a meeting.

Domain Name Service
Domain Name Space
Domain Name Syntax
Domain Name Server

If you can't describe the bug, then it's not a bug. Or at least don't come to me.

A bug on production saved us from a meeting that could've been an email. Yay!

Great! I think I'm being promoted from an intellectually stimulating job to a babysitter!

So we're supposed to test even the most imporbable edge cases to make sure that our software is reliable. But there is a limit. We let a marketing intern go bug hunting. We use the same component in two tabs of our SPA, but we distinguish them through some parameters. The intern found that if you switch back and forth between those two tabs super fast a couple of times, the program for some reason confuses those two tabs and swaps them. Now management has listed it as a priority. When are the customers _ever_ going to do that?!

If it's urgent then you can take the time to write a message describing your problem instead of waiting until we're both free

My computer's performance plummets when there's no internet. Why the fuck do you need the internet to work?! Just how much data are you sending to the NSA?!

Fron the creators of "Hello", I present to you:

Please respond when you read this message
*says nothing*

It's got the uselessness of hello, minus the courtesy and respect some people have for hello. Please just get to the fucking point!

I was signing up for a new account on Magic. I wasn't paying attention so I accidentally didn't change my date of birth, so it didn't let me create an account because they thought I was just born today. I changed that field but nope, it remembered I had told it I was 1 day old and it didn't let me change my mind. Delete cookies, nothing. Reload page, nothing. So I go into Postman and re-create the request and BOOM! I even got an access token for their API. This is why I love being a dev.

The intern pushed their credentials to GitHub...

... again

Fixing a pretty serious bug affecting a core functionality but that no one has noticed and no one will thank you for fixing

OR

Continue working on your feature

Geez, how many hotfixes can we push in a week?

Half of my work is dealing with the incompetence I had 6 months ago

Hhhhhhh

CEO of the company

Natural Language Processing is getting eerily accurate... we're gonna loose our jobs soon

when you look at Google analytics...

Devs: How should we design the UI?
Design & Marketing: We were thinking something like the Ferrari website (or app that has nothing to do with our industry)

Devs: How about we add <feature that all of our competitors have>? We're falling quite behind on that and its hindering us from connecting with their REST API.
Marketing: Nah that's too complicated, and our customers haven't requested it. How about we add some animal animations over there instead?

How good of a StackOverflow reputation is enough to show off on a resume? How about NPM downloads?

I just finished a meeting that had also been an email. You know how it went: boss just reading the email out loud

Boss: *calls*
Hey I have something very important to talk about, but I don't have time right now. I'll call you once I'm free.

An intern wrote down in their timesheet:
Monday, 3 hours, "going over git commands to push code to <branch>"

3 hours my ass

We found out a spelling mistake in our code base 😆. We had a class called "FromMixin" instead of "FormMixin", and it's been there for a few months now. We're using it in a couple dozen files.

On interview: do you know SVG?
intern: yes

It turns out that they meant that they know how to select "SVG" as the export format.

Thank god that intern went into the design department and not coding.

I deployed to production in the middle of a zoom meeting with a client.

It was just a tiny change in the settings of a field that I 99% sure wouldn't produce any other major problem but we really wanted this client and we distracted them while the code was building.

Nerves racin all the way

REBASE BEFORE CREATING A PULL REQUEST

Especially if you've had to pull from main 7 times. No one has pulled from your branch, you have no excuse!

My uncle was a programmer. My whole extended family lived very close together, so I saw him almost every weekend. He would tell me tall tales about the war between corporations and open source. I started hating all things Microsoft and advocating for Linux. For my 12th birthday, he gave me a computer he had recently fixed. Of course, it had Ubuntu Linux.

That's when he started teaching me the basics: Bash, Lisp, and C. I know some of you are tired of the cliche "I started coding at 12 and built my first OS at 16," but of course that's not reality. I really just wrote simple math formulas like chicarronera^[1] for my homework, a super simple text-input videogame, and a button-filled GUI. That's nothing compared to what I do now, so I won't dare put that into my resume. But it did give me an advantage over my peers, and by the time I had to self-learn web development for my job, my uncle had already given me all of these tools.

[1] Spanish slang for the quadratic equation. Literally means "street vendor who sells chicharron". The formula is taught so fierce in school that even street vendors must know it.