There's this junior I've been training. We gave him a bigger task than we usually do

"How do I link an object in table X with the corresponding object in table Y?"

"How are objects in two tables usually linked? How did you link Y with Z in the first place?"

"Em... Foreign Keys?"

"Yup"

"But there's not foreign key from X to Y."

"Well, create one. You've got full creative freedom over this task."

I sometimes feel like Juniors are either completely careless about past code or overly carefuly with not editing any past code. Frustrating but adorable

Boss: misses zoom meeting

9PM: Boss calls me to catch up with the meeting he missed

😡

Boss: Our customer's data is not syncing with XYZ service anynmore!

Me: Ok let me check. Did the tokens not refresh? Hmm the tokens are refreshing fine but the API still says that we do not have permissions. The scopes are fine too. I'll use our test account... its... cancelled? Hey boss, why is our XYZ account cancelled?

Boss: Oh, "I haven’t paid since I didn’t think we needed it" (ad verbatim)

😐

... why was r/devrant banned from Reddit?

I was pressued to shift the blame.

We received an angry email from a customer that some of their data had disappeared. The boss assigns me to this task. This feature is relatively new and we've found some bugs in the past in here. I go through request logs, search the database, run some diagnostics, etc. for about 5 hours and I cannot find the problem. I focus on the bugs that we've had before but they don't seem to be the problem.

I tell the boss "sorry but I checked XYZ and I can't find the problem. I'm out of ideas." But the boss wanted answers by the end of the day. They did not want to admit to the client that we couldn't figure out what's wrong.

By now I was more pressured to find an answer, find something or someone to blame it on, not exactly to find the real solution. So I made up some BS:

"Sometimes, in HTML forms, the number inputs allow you to change the number by scrolling. We have some long forms where the user has to scroll. Perhaps the focus remained on the number input, so when they scrolled down they accidentally changed the number they meant to input."

The boss was happy with that. We explained this to the customer, and there's now a ticket to change type="number" to type="text" in our HTML forms and to validate it in th backend.

A week later another customer shows us a different error. This one is more clear because it had a stack trace, but I realise that this error is what caused our last error. It was pretty obscure, mind you, the unit tests didn't detect it.

I didn't tell the boss that they were connected tho.

With two angry clients in two weeks, I finally convinced the boss to give us more time to write more unit tests with full coverage.

17,000 USD a year?! That's outrageously high (for a Philippino)!! This dev must either be a god or they're ripping us off!

Sequential Scan goes brrrr

I enter a newspaper website. It shows me the article, but 3s later it blocks the page with "Oops you gotta subscribe!" I disable JavaScript and the popup doesn't show up again.

Cox -Zucker machine

I think YouTube gave up on trying to send me ads.

I have an adblocker in my desktop but not on my phone. In all of my years using YouTube, I've only ever clicked on an add twice on purpose, and maybe a couple of times by accident. By now, even when I'm not using an adblocker, YouTube still doesn't send me ads! And for some reason it's lately been sending me ads of YouTube itself. It's a very annoying 5-second video with just the logo of YouTube. They're really just telling me "I don't have anything to promote to you, so I'll just make you waste 5 secs just cause."

However, every single time I get on incognito, I get one ad or maybe two per video. wtf

How many bugfix branches do you have at a given time?

I'll point names today

Boss: Quick! The Xero integration is not working anymore!
Xero Documentation: place your client secret in the HEADERS
Me: * places client secret in headers *
Xero API: Bad Request!
Me:
*re-reads documentation*
*creates new client secret*
*1 hour of trying*
Hmmmm
* places client secret in request body, not in headers *
Xero API: Ok!

UPDATE YOUR DOCUMENTATION
TELL US ABOUT IT IN THE CHANGELOGS

I sincerely cannot live through another daylight saving time change. I cannot. Please, oh politicans, have mercy upon me. My work deals with 5 different time zones. PLEASE

Customer: You say you connect to XYZ service, but my data is not getting synced!

*checks their account*
Me: I see you have not integrated your two accounts. Go to Settings > Integrations > Connect to XYZ.

C: Why? But you already connect XYZ! You should already know all of my data!

Website: "Here is your PDF! You can download 1 more PDF today. Get unlimited downloads with a PRO account!"

Oh do I?

*deletes cookies and local storage*

*downloads another one*

Website: "Here is your PDF! You can download 1 more PDF today"

Trying to code while being blown is the best sensation in the world 😎

Interviewing candidates for a middle/senior dev position:

Me: Imagine you have this button, but whatever it's doing when you click it, it's taking too long to load. How would you improve the speed performance?

Candidate: Redis!

Me: Okay... but how would you find where the bottleneck is?

C: Redis!

Me: How abo-

C: REDIS!

kinda NSFW

When's the last time you've had to write raw SQL? Can you consider yourselves SQL experts even though you only use it through ORM's?

Why does Window's Taskbar have so many bugs?

!rant

I've been having this idea for a programmer's horror movie. The main villain is this dev (or maybe PM?) whose first program was "Goodbye World" instead of "Hello World", thus cursing all of his code from that moment on.

They write an artificial intelligence library but they don't document it properly so the user ends up creating an evil AI that threatens to destroy the internet.

Any ideas?

From the guy that practices bash in the production server, here's the same guy who also practices SQL queries in the production's PostgreSQL!

I swear these happen by accident. I'm having to do some data corruption control by some bug, but I forget to close the panel when I'm finished. Then I go on with my tasks and I think it's my own computer I'm writing these commands to.

A coworker asked me for help so they could finish their task on time. That meant that I had to be a bit late for one of mine. They blamed me for delaying the whole team because I didn't finish mine on time. 😕

Using the production server as my personal bash sandbox!

I wanted to suggest a functionality (keyboard shortcut) to a website. I see that their feedback button was pretty visible, which is weird because most websites I've visited first take you through 3 layers of "have you googled your question first?" before they let you send a question or feedback. Alas, I fell into the trap. First they asked me for the typical intrusive demographic info, and then they asked me marketing questions, and then... that's it. They didn't let me submit any feedback. They just took my info and left. great

How long do your tests take to run?

* online meeting *

Why are ya'll muted? We can't have a conversation if you're all muted. Just unmute yourselves.

* someone had a lot of background noise *

Huh? What's happening? What's that noise? I think someone is in a very noisy place. You know what? Just mute yourselves until you want to talk.

THATS WHAT WE WERE DOING YOU PRICK

To call it bugfix,
or to call it hotfix,
that is the question.

On my free time I was looking for software where I could visualize the shape of the git graph to sort of reflect Git Flow. What I found was a bunch of git GUI's that list features that normal git already has:
- "undo local changes!"
- "squash commits!"
- "undo branch deletions!"
Da heck people actually pay for this?

Meeting at 9:45

I arrive at 9:44

"You're late"