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Oof Kiki… I’m sending you a virtual hug…
For the scars, if they really are that heavy on you consider a tattoo if they are your thing, but only if you think you can see it as taking control over the damage done to you, if you consider it as hiding your pain then avoid having the tattoo done, so you don’t regret it!
Oh and if you are planning permanent hair removal in the zone where the scars are, do that first… lazor + tattoo = no good :s
I’m glad you managed to get away from her, don’t feel guilty about it: she may be your mother by blood, but she didn’t behave as one. -
@netikras there are only so many things that make me happier than looking at my face in the mirror, or looking at my legs. You know, the beautiful parts. I want my body to be just as I want it to be.
I’ll get there.
I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. If something gives me happiness, I don’t care what it is, as long as it doesn’t harm others. -
@AvatarOfKaine if that’s okay with you, I would like to hear more. I barely understand what you’re talking about.
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@kiki then keep walking with your head raised, my friend! You are not your trauma and quite frankly you are a pretty amazing person: I’m sure there’s a lot of people who’d like be around you for who you are, and that the scars are probably the last thing they’d look! 🤗
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@kiki one thing that has helped me feel a lot happier in life is meditation and journaling. I feel like you would like it.
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@kiki when I was a kid my parents took me to Colorado
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@kiki watch the shining and it's sequel if you want more
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@kiki some of Stephen king's works along with those of his son describe everything in metaphor
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@andatoshiki that’s weird. Bipolar disorder doesn’t have hallucinations
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@kiki also I love you John
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@kiki sending you virtual hugs too
I am sorry for what you had to expierience it's good that you could bring some distance between you and them
Fucking assholes everywhere
My mother is a manipulative bitch.
From my childhood, I remember nothing but fear and guilt. When I was 13, she shamed me for my body looking ugly and too feminine. She shamed me for having better vision than her, and that I don’t need to wear glasses.
I had a broken toe once, and she shamed me into admitting it wasn’t in fact broken. After two weeks of pain, she finally got me to the doctor, and x-ray had shown it was in fact broken.
She always made me carry her heavy luggage with her crap to the airport, and once I got hernia. The surgery was needed. After the surgery, they didn’t care, didn’t give me the time to recover, and made me carry her crap again. The second surgery was needed. It was more complex than the first one. Now my body is ruined by those disgusting scars. I hate my body now. It is ruined.
She tried to knock down the door into my room when I was crying and didn’t want to talk.
She screamed at me when I wanted to donate some of my old clothes to charity, the ones I bought with my own money. She is so obsessed with her crap. She hoards it, and she was hoarding it into _my_ room, not hers.
My father is still unknown. She abandoned me as a kid for my grandparents to grow me. I barely saw her till the age of six. Then I grew up with her and my stepdad, and their relationship was all manipulation and guilt. She made him apologize and beg almost every day over the course of thirteen years. They were fighting about their miserable sexual life, lack of her orgasms while I was still a kid. She just didn’t care. Once they decided to talk about their pissing kink right next to me when I was (not in fact) asleep.
When I was raped, she did nothing. She just kept on calling me beautiful and insisting she wanted me to wear mascara, while hating gay people. It was all before I realized my gender identity.
She also didn’t notice I was autistic. She liked it, as it gave her advantage. It’s easy to manipulate an autistic teenager.
After my coming-out, she told me she had cancer, and she wanted to stop treatment in order to “die sooner and not see me”.
But once my bipolar disorder awakened, things changed. Bipolar is my shield. I can be manipulated, yes, but bipolar will obliterate my whole world view once a year, together with your manipulative crap you planted into my life. And because it dismantled a 19-year-long, almost fractal manipulative masterpiece, I fear nothing now.
I disowned her some two years ago.
rant