Weeeell…

I have been in a team where every week they had this long and complex task of refactoring everything and changing lots of assets (~2 days of work every 2 weeks) cause the senior tards refused to use a script for it. Told them to use the goddamn backend or a script… the answer? “But that would take at least two days of work! Maybe even three! (As a one time job)” Math you ducking ducks! The second time you use it you are in a time profit!

How hard can it be to refactor this 170 lines file?

- a single “data” variable used to store everything
- arrays inside arrays inside arrays (see prev point)
- operations with a lot of obscure sideEffects
- $data[] = something (which in magic php land means $data.enqueue()

Why is such… biological matter… even allowed to code? Fucker’s pretending they are a senior for four years: how in hell didn’t they learn to code in this timeframe?

I have been looking for a house for a year and Jesus it’s so fucking hard to find a decent rent.
I think I’ll have to buy but I really feel like I shouldn’t given the job situation of every dev ever.

And the most bs thing is that I already own a house wtf. (Just in the wrong place so can’t use that)

Don’t be afraid to try new things & don’t wait to have a “good useful idea” or to create “something new”. You have no ideas? Create something you need! You still can’t figure out what to create? Just go for a standard project (e.g: movie list)!

I created a regex which works locally but not on a remote installation with the same php version.

I am confused… very confused

A teacher from high school.

I finish the assignment early, shit on everyone’s head in terms of speed and performances and this guy first praises me, then slams the keyboard with random chars, letters and weird shit in an application which was supposed to only accept numbers.

“But… the requirements said…”
“I’m your manager and I am dumb af. Trust me, this will happen a lot irl.”

Having only 1 colleague who can approve them and they are a lazy ass, always taking 2 days for revievs as hard as… removing an empty line and fixing a typo.

How tf did they give this person a degree.

I spent two weeks on a feature.

The feature goes up

15 mins later the manager decided to scrap it cause they don’t like it anymore.

😊

A new urgent request today…

“ITS URGENT WE NEED THIS CODE IN IMMEDIATELY I DONT CARE IF ITS FRIDAY WE NEED IT THERE BY ONE HOUR”

“What is happening?”

“ADD THIS CODE TO OUR CODE”

(A snippet to track marketing conversions from fb)

“Uhhh it’s Friday and our product won’t release to the public for 2 months anyway?”

“YOU DONT GET HOW URGENT IT IS, MUST BE THERE IN AN HOUR OR WE’LL LOSE DATA”

“O….k”

Spoiler: data said that today we had no customers on an unreleased project. Go figure!

Just checked a pr I need to take care of tomorrow…

“Please review [other pr] first, this solves a bug the other one introduces”

…Ah yes. Stupidity.

“Already tested by QA, accept without comments or job will be wasted.”

… I need a vacation or a megaphone to make someone deaf by screaming in their ears again and again: “follow the fucking processes instead of making QA preapprove your shitty code.”

Looking a pr I found this piece of art in a css file:

width: 86.3624%;

Me: "something feels off about this."
Colleague: "Again with your readability bs?"
Me: *looks at the camera, perplexed* (The camera as in: I'm in a sitcom, not as pair programming)

I swear the most annoying thing about zoom is the fact it keeps requesting the focus while connecting to a call…

“Git a”
*alt-tab*
“dd [a letter][tab]”
*alt-tab*
“[a letter][tab][enter, missed cause it tries to focus itself again]”
*alt-tab*
“[Enter]”

After noticing 4 operations in a single line, I comment a pr stating the line is not simple to read as there are many operations which can be, especially in the eyes of a junior, hard to read.
I proceed to suggest a better solution.

Colleague: “what??? How is this not readable??? Is it [op1], [op2], [op3] or [op4]? 🤷‍♂️”

I kindly explain this person that it’s not about the single operations, but the fact they are all on a line. Inside an object assignment.

Colleague: “you should learn stuff! (4 links to websites giving that snippet of code”

Ah yes, the oldie: “but other people are jumping off a cliff, why don’t WE do it???”

“Let’s not worry about the future and stick to the specs, please.”

Or as I like to call it:

The reddest flag in a bad manager.

Yesterday I had an interesting interaction

- I complain about not having tickets for something, as it makes it unclear who needs to do what
- manager tries to call out on me for “not giving precise infos”
- A frustrating argument starts, ends up with manager defending himself telling we need a meeting with [other team] to sync on infos that are not clear
- meeting starts, manager starts to make a buffoon about himself
- other dev out of nowhere tells that the manager is not giving the task to him for some reason
- other manager is speechless at our manager’s incompetence

Managers.😎

“We can’t automate translations cause we don’t have time, I reject your ticket.”

10 dollars they fail before a year aaaaand they failed!

Three syntax elements, pixels on screen.
By Unknown (for privacy), 2021

In this installation, the Author's desire to prove the whole world that stupidity is achievable with just 2 syntax elements is... self-evident!

Observe! The finely crafted letters composing this installation in their beauty! While the middle element is purely a distraction (one could argue it's there to be sure a critical issue doesn't happen even if the default value is already `true`), the sides of the installation reveals the true horror.

As the vision of the observer is attracted to the center, the peripheral vision sends the informations to the subconcious, making the observer slowly realize both that the Author willingly compiled `.less` files with postcss and that .less files are in the css folder, proving that stupidity is demonstrable in just two syntax elements.

A masterpiece.

(As a freelancer I was asked to do a couple of tasks on legacy code)

Let’s check this code, how bad can it be?

- all of the following: unreadable mess, no auto linting

- tests: some are there cause there’s not enough automation, others are poorly named
- frontend: somehow a genius made a react component for every variable in the store which only passes the variable to the child (wtf)
- backend: death by best practices
- ci/cd: “we have it but it’s broken”

Let’s fucking goooo 😎

Diagnosis: my therapist is getting rich
Chances to not cry tonight: close to zero

At least they pay well 🤷‍♂️

text-align: center

Designer: “it’s not cantered, it’s 2px too much to the left”

Me: *does nothing* “what about now?”

Designer: “perfect”

Yup. This IS the Truman show.

“In order to release on production you merge on production”

Makes sense.

“In order to release on staging you merge on release”

Wait, what?

“The CI for the staging release is called release to production”

What? No, stop!

“You also need to create a tag called pre-production-deployment, so that staging can work”

STOP FFS

“It’s very easy, you just need to read the documentation!”

How do people do not realise they are spitting out bs?

Hi!

Speaking of cross platform mobile development, what is your go-to tool and why? Kotlin KMM or flutter?

(I am excluding react native cause I already used it so I have a bit of a grasp of what the pro and cons may be)

Ticket: “feature [x] doesn’t work”

Me: “I’ll need more details: how do I reach feature [x]? In which of the three projects you assigned me is that?”

Manager: “the design is in the ticket”

Me, in my head: “can you effin listen to what I told you before giving air to your mouth?”
Me, in person: “yeah I just need to know which project this refers to and how to reach it”

Manager: “but you have to open the ticket as a separate page!”

Me: “sure!” *waits 15 min, opens a ticket for more details, assigns it to manager, flags as blocking, flags the other one as blocked*

5 mins later: details are given and I can proudly fox it by remembering the manager they have to login in order to see feature [x]

Later in the workweek:

Manager at 8:00 URGENT FEATURE! MUST BE DELIVERED BY EOD

Me, 10:00 “can jump on it, need authorisation for [a procedure]

Me, 11,12,13,15,16,17:30: pings for an answer

Manager, 17:58 “ah sorry didn’t see, we can do it tomorrow”

Is this the matrix? Am I being stopped from developing cause I am randomly accessing matrix’s code without knowing it? Is this the Truman show? And most importantly: can I please take part to a manager hiring session? I am curious to see how tf you hire such peculiar people.

I want to rant about 14yo me approaching css, cause I feel a lot like lately I am ranting a lot (irl mostly) and forgot we all start humbly.

- Be 14 yo me and start learning css
- Spend two hours trying to make a css file work
- Get angry at the file (the 14yo me lost his cool a lot) and say css is stupid
- Realise 1 and l have the same representation in the current font
- get bright red
- change that letter
- all works
- hide the face in the pillow and feel stupid
- no, I meant really stupid

Btw 14yo me you were right, css IS stupid, mostly due to inconsistencies and IE

I am lately working on a Wordpress website (ouch, pain) for a friend as a side project and it is supposed to be multilingual. No problem, there are some plugins for it and thanks to one of my previous rants I found out the _e() function (still a stupid af name).

But I was wondering: given that I’ll have a lot of translations in some template pages in the theme, what is the standard way to do it? I have a couple of solutions in mind:

- single Po/mo files for every page
- as above, but with a script to merge the Po(s) before making the mo

Am I missing something obvious?
I was told to just use one po, but it sounds like hell to organise

A meeting about defining the
definition of done (…)
I know I mentioned it before, but it’s beyond stupid.

- Lasted 2.5 hours
- Didn’t solve shit
- Could have been solved by adding a freaking column in our Jira, but someone wanted a physical board cause let’s waste paper I guess.

Just imagine 2.5 hours of continuous suggestions and stupid reject reasons.

Fun fact: it was called by a “senior” dev which rejected every single purposal cause they also didn’t want to change the process.

Idfk why I didn’t leave the company sooner, had to get a massive burnout before realising my sanity is worth more than being paid the minimum in the office.

Best tool:
Your hands!
- incredibly flexible
- express a lot of commands trough very little code (just raise the middle finger and tell me if you are not expressing something VERY strong with VERY little complexity)
- reusable
- interfaces
- smells of good soap

Worst tool:
Your brain
- highly power consuming
- wrinkly, ehw!
- overthinks a lot
- imposter syndrome
- hooked on sugar like it was cocaine
- hooked on cocaine like it was sugar
- refuses to comprehend chthulu

The saga of requirements changed after the feature is done continues:

Manager: “I have reopened your ticket cause it doesn’t fit the requirements”

*checks for requirements changes*

“Updated 2 mins ago”

You fucking piece of

If anyone has followed the Android course by google, is it only me or “lesson 7: recycler view”
Is broken at? Every single time I try and compile I have to fix something cause the guy either adds something without telling or just straight says something and does something else...

Recently I started to study app development (I am frontend/backend developer) and I noticed unlike when I was younger, I have a focus limit of about 6 hours. After 6 hours I become super distracted... I am slowly getting back to normal but recently I got so distracted I decided to play a breve game and which one better than half life alyx?

Well, if you have a vr headset play it: I swear I spent 2 hours just fucking around and looking at the environment... in one scene you enter a house and I went full detective trying to understand why the house was messed up: picked up stuff, looked in the corners and so on... it really gives you an impression of what vr could be

Some days I think my hate for managers is wrong: they are there to improve the workflow and make stuff easy... but then they manage (badum tss) somehow to prove me wrong.

The issue: our pm doesn’t know how to write tickets and instead of writing short but meaningful tickets, they just write pointless text and add external documents which they should read in order to tell us what to do.

My good thoughts: “maybe he’s really busy for real and is really unable to spend time writing them... kinda hard to believe and possible red flag, but shit happens, so let’s not be too harsh.
They are trying to save time... right?”

Their solution: “let me open a ticket to grant you access to the resource”

Sounds good, right: now let me explain something... their “solution” requires opening a ticket and escalating all the way up to CTO, and so far it’s been 2 days I am waiting for these credentials. 2 freaking days only to be able what to know in a ticket the f***er opened outside of planning cause it is supposed to be urgent.

“Can’t you just give me the files directly?”
“I am sorry, I don’t have time (to download and send you 3 files)”

Managers: making the process easier.