@Devintrix , congrats and happy lifes with your wife. this joke is for you :)

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me please?



Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

  • 1
  • 8
    I upgraded my OS (Optimistic Self) and now Wife 1.0 is no longer compatible. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
  • 1
    I loved this so much I combined the 4 screenshots from my phone into an image that I can keep in my devRant favorites library! good work OP.
  • 3
    @Heatstreak I'm currently running girlfriend 1.0, and was wondering what the advantages of 2.0 over 1.0 is, abd if I should upgrade? Is it too soon to get the fiancé beta?
  • 0
    So I've had a broken Girlfriend 2.0 for a year. Is there anyway I can start over with a girlfriend 1.0. (preferably the pro version.)
  • 1
    @tilkibey That was the most awesome thing I've read in awhile. We laughed through the whole thing. Thanks for that one!
  • 0
    Well, I thought upgrade to Wife 1.0 is supposed to save some utilities or tax, right?
  • 0
    @andylo anything you save gets spent on bags and shoes. Don't upgrade, you will be permanently skint.
  • 0
    Where can I download Girlfriend v1.0?
  • 0
    @sachin38 sorry i dont know. i lost my install file too :( if you find the anyway for installing it, please share with me :)
  • 3
    Sometimes Girlfriend V1.0 install can be difficult to find. I have seen some pull it from the friend directory however this has mixed results. As with all things of this nature you must be careful where you get the install or you may corrupt your system, inherit a virus, or experience a full system crash due to the massive spike in resource usage.
Add Comment