Reasons I am a bad girlfriend:
- I always want hugs and kisses
- I would love you so much
- International High School Visit at Ho Chi Minh City at March 19
- I would give you gifts all the time

Reminds me of this video by MoistCritikal.

https://youtu.be/fSIEBuj2wTQ

and here I am telling ya'll I would be a bad gf b/c I'm a bad boy...

How is that bad? Sounds pretty good if you ask me.

I don't get it, is this some kind of joke?

@We3D you're a good buy * rubs back *

@retoor 10q * rubs back ur back *

and with the risk of ruin ur lucky '777' will ++ u ;]

@We3D x3 nozzles pounces on you UwU I so warm :3

@retoor I was actually just thinking about you. will propose u a deal 1 of these days wich is hard to not miss ( at least from my POV ), but have to stole some time from another dimension to setup the server 1st ;}

@kiki bring it on girl, I love passion =]

@kiki So where do i apply !?

@We3D ah, how's this going?

@kiki some idiot explained me once that if you give 70% love you get only 30% procent back. So she prefered to give her only '50%'. I prefer to give 100 and receive 100

@retoor I'm sorry, which is this in this case?

@We3D top message

@retoor noting... it stalled
... I'm even sure of @kiki intention here, but probably shy want to finish me ;)

why the white theme tho?

@We3D black is for paying user's right?

@retoor true black yes, but there is still a darker theme for the free users =]

@We3D what a time to be alive

@retoor people theorizing about love are the biggest losers. Wanna find love? Then don't be a scumbag. If you're not an NPC, you _will_ be interesting and lovable. Quit looking at relationships in terms of investments and returns.

Afraid of being hurt? Remember — you're a human! You have a vast heritage of intuition that is a very powerful neural network that trained over millions of years to tackle relationships specifically! Your ancestors died in millions to train it, and you have the privilege to use it now. With people, trust your gut feeling. It's always right.

Every cat is good at hunting mice solely by the virtue of being a cat. Every human is good at recognizing bad people by the virtue of being a human. There are exceptions like down syndrome, dementia, schizophrenia and whatnot, but if you're lucky and don't have them, and you're not a manipulative scumbag, you _will_ find love.

https://youtube.com/watch/...

@kiki yes that - investments and returns was that person turfing. If I'm in love I'll know what to do to get that person. Had a few times huge luck in life. Sadly, I'm one of the exceptions. I'm bipolar and lost my partner in a psychotic episode last year. I've lost a lot of people. Especially people closed by get hurt. Even ended up on streets. Parents gave up on me for a while. Also was three months locked up in mental ward last year

@retoor my gf tried so hard to put me in mental clinic after a bad period after a good lsd trip... there was this poor guy on the same party gone missing, I was back to work and I cursed myself I'm not in the search team ( even though I don't know him at all. but he took something close to mine if not the same and get lost in the near forest... )....

They found him dead after a week of searching ( I was mostly searching the net for any update than working ) and I think that info broke me...

none of the so called psy docs was interested in what I had to say about how I feel, they just gave me some pills ( with no effect on me whatsoever ) and sent me home to suffer on my own...

As you can probably tell I'm much better now. The arrogance of my own family took me out of that hole, when I wasn't able to stand to live in gf parents home anymore and was about to move somewhere else they sent the cops after me to bring me back...

@We3D sich, fucking cops. Got three times arrested last year. I had so much medication, you won't believe. Still, I get every month an injection not voluntary. It's that or getting picked up for the mental ward. One half year to go. Talking about cognition - I barely have any anymore. Dopemine is completely blocked. It was long ago that I have laughed while I was known for a lot of humor. It's gone, completely. Haldol is what they inject me. One half year to go. Fuckers

@retoor don't know what that is ( will check it later, after I finish the home cleaning ) but I'm with you. half a year is not small amount of time, but it's not much either. it will pass and you'll be free of that torture =)

@We3D I'll just have to accept that nothing in my life will change the coming half year. They wanted to put my on lithium. NEVER. "It works but they don't know why". I think it probably doesn't work at all but that anyone who's bipolar just feels better with that shit than the other drugs. But it's dangerous, my mother poisened herself with it by accident. She's also bipolar. Crazy youth, I've seen it all

@retoor my gf thinks that she is bipolar too and might be ( don't know much about this condition ) but I still love her... it's just that sometimes I get annoyed by her saying something and doing the opposite ( simply bc I kind of feel lied to ( provably ) ) and I'm trying to be completely transparent with her ( which again I suffer from, but I don't like to lie at all... )

@We3D I don't want to say she isn't but it's not something you have with sometimes a bad mood and sometimes a good mood. It escalates terribly, you'll have to start your life over and over again because of mania's, psychoses and the depression - meh. In mental clinics they keep stuffing you with depressants. Depressed people don't make trouble. On top for some bipolarity checks: - ever not slept for literally a week? - having with communition with animals like dogs that react hardcore on you - boost of intelligence or the opposite - huge sex drive to none at all - depressed in non rational way - for really no reason - very happy is non rational way - for really no reason - both make you a weirdo and it's not cool if you're always the only enthousiast one One tip: DON'T go to therapy or take medicine. The medicine is for people who hate themselves that they choose that. I love myself. On top: if you're bipolar, keep it a secret. Companies won't hire you if they now

@retoor hmm, still can't tell, except for the sleep depriving ( she just love to sleep. and she have a afternoon nap every day ) and happiness for no reason ( she had the opposite quite often. quick example : say we were watching a movie or smth and we laugh and all, then it comes the time for bed and she just switches in fury mode for no apparent reason ) and the dogs problems she can start cry out of nowhere and when asked what's wrong she just don't respond at all

those mental conditions... we all have a mixture of them if we start to analyze ourselves and still we love to be called a normal person ( whatever that should mean ) ;)

@We3D she sounds like a woman. Run! It's incurable!

My alt key just broke. Will return the whole laptop for it. It has the wrong keys anyway. There are literally stickers on the keycaps to hide he's German. It's referbished. They should have told me that it's German and full with stickers.

This is my third x270 this year 😁 Love them 😁

@retoor 😄 like I said early I've one unsuccessful attempt... someone please save me, send visa ( Mastercard or smth )

... just kidding, but maybe I should start running again so I have a better chance next time ;)

@We3D If i had a freaking credit card I would talking to ChatGPT right now. They still didn't implement the regular Dutch payment method (iDeal).

Oh, every time when I need a credit card, i have the same friend borrowing it to me. Damn, I think I still owe him some

@retoor wow, so sorry to hear that. I'm both bipolar type 1 and autistic, and medication changed my life. I also have a friend that collected _every_ affective spectrum disorder. She's a painter.

We're talking psychotic episodes, suicide attempts, deep depression, well, a quite familiar picture to me, for all the wrong reasons.

She wasn't able to work, and now she's a photographer, and she's quite successful. She's also a changed person, thanks to her meds, and trust me, she didn't lose a tiny bit of what made her herself.

Her scheme is fluvoxamine 300mg, quetiapine 300mg and lithium 900mg.

@retoor iDeal sound cool.

I don't have a credit card either ( simply bc I hate the idea of living on credit and at all am trying to ask for money only when I'm sure I can return them soon ) but luckily most of the operations can be done with a debit card too =]

@retoor my situation is a bit different, as the combination of the most severe bipolar (type 1) and autism is quite rare. I took quetiapine 300mg plus lamotrigine 200mg for more than a year, to no avail — deep depression never left.

The addition of fluvoxamine was a game changer. Psychiatrists are reluctant to prescribe antidepressants to bipolar patients bc they're afraid of mania, but I found one who dared, and it saved me. I started going out of bed, eating, taking showers. Quite normal things for a regular human to do, but I barely showered before and never left my bed. I even can work now! not just at my job, but doing personal projects too!

another addition was atomoxetine. unfortunately ritalin and adderall are illegal where I live, so atomoxetine was the only option. My current scheme is quetiapine 300mg, lamotrigine 300mg, fluvoxamine 75mg, hydroxyzine 50mg and atomoxetine 30mg. I'm happier than I ever was.

@retoor but I can confirm, adding lithium alone won't make bipolar any less painful. You have to take normothymics (lamotrigine, lithium), atypical neuroleptics with antidepressive effects like quetiapine, AND ssri antidepressants like fluvoxamine (that by the way has anxiolytic side effects, anti-anxiety. not as powerful as benzodiazepines, but way safer).

@retoor the next big thing for me is moving to a rich country that has adderall, getting adderall (or ritalin), and then benzos.

anxiety should be destroyed relentlessly, entirely, with no chance of parole, for all the atrocities it did to me. I'm going all holocaust on anxiety. its days are numbered. even if it takes benzos addition, I'm willing to take it if it means the complete obliteration of anxiety.

@kiki @retoor have you tried mdma and how does you feel on it ( I know some have hard times after that and they seem to be 'normal'... at least they haven't been diagnosed with anything )

@We3D I tried LSD (about 100 micrograms), and it just gave me my typical evening's creative derealization, but in the morning. Ppl pay money to be me.

Wanna try a larger dose tho. Also, definitely want to try dmt.

@kiki I thought only people facing ADHD loves their meds. Bipolar people are famous not taking their meds. The medicine I have now made me walk the first few months. I've walked around 30km a day according to step counter IN MY HOUSE! And as I said, I don't take it voluntary, they're injected. Haldol it's called. You can't stop moving. No restaurants for you. Dancing in front of the caissière in the supermarket.

I know someone with depression also swearing by his medicine but it's like you hear and addict talk.

Of course for some people meds is a solution but I can't work on them.

Never did a suicide attempt. That's kinda my only certainy in life, I will NOT commit suicide.

Cool that you have a friend to talk about it. I don't. We had a maniac hotline but they're just a bunch of medicine addicts.

I've met God btw in my last psychosis (not religious at all, but then I was very). He was literally everywhere. Preventing me making mistakes by letting cars don't start / phone not msg

@kiki me too about the dmt, it will be best to be in Peru by the supervision and guidance of a shaman, but if I manage to get my hands on some I might try to smoke some ( since the effects are with much shorter duration )

@retoor I was once in such situation : can't stop dancing or moving, but was caused by speed and on a party so probably not exactly the same...

@kiki also I can confirm ( at least by my perceptions ) that in small dosage the lsd really feels like mdma

@We3D I have it here but it doesn't work due the medication. Like @kiki said - Ritalin. I use the illegal version - amphetamine. A very small those and I function alright. Nobody ever complained about Ritalin. I don't think a bipolar person gets that. @kiki they did research her how easy it was to get among students, they're all using it for study. And they have it ALL on description. This whole country has ADHD.

@kiki, did not expect LSD from you. Ppl pay money to be me 😂 If I say that kinda stuff I get in trouble 😂 Very mania comment.

The mania's, so sick shit happens. The landlord company that tried to forbit smoking will never recover from it. The employer who fired me after two weeks for smoking on the Webcam also not. They asked me if I brought back the company car and I stated LAUGHING AND LAUGHING. And they were in panic, not knowing what to do. I said, the car's just here. You can pick it up. "The contract states" -> so what? They screamed, grown People

@We3D that's interesting for an evening, I danced for MONTHS. Now I'm stopped dancing an used to it, it's OK. They have what they want. A silent, controllable retoor. Ironically, just like drugs stopping it can cause psychosis. So, one year tortured and still change of getting fucked hard. It's all drugs, different supplier

@We3D DMT will never try. Also no LSD. Mushrooms, had all types, we're enough for me. Already too much actually. Speed here is 3,-/gram. Sick. Mdma 15, that's insane. Xtc just 10,- for 3 (party prices)
Cocaïne 50,- for 0.4 but they're claiming it's good quality. Meh, not interested. Stupid stuff. I know a group of guys that literally have a menu card. Various types of weed as well. From Canada for example. That's crazy right? But all that stuff is past me. Alcohol was once a problem tho - but on a day.. Just didn't like it anymore and gone addiction. Miracle

@retoor I've tried shrooms and sclerotia ( small amounts of 1st and a bit more the 2nd ), but without effect and I really want to giggle from that too ;)

@retoor @We3D bruh you guys are hardcore. I've only tried alcohol and weed and I was like, done.

I don't plan on trying anything after that, but let's see where life takes me.

@retoor also I can't say I'm addicted to any of them ( except the weed, but I can live without it too, just love to have it arround most of the time ) and it's not the fact that we don't have all of them here constantly ( I still have some mdma left from the last party and I'm not in a rush to consume it ) I mainly do such things on a party and we don't have much good here so basically 1-3 times per year and in moderate amounts ( just enough to keep me dancing ;) )

@SidTheITGuy nah, you're doing probably other stuff we don't. Sheep's or something. Fluffy stuff

@retoor I had checked Haldol and on the page I went there was not much info, but 1 thing cought my attention :

it said it helps to stop hallucinations ( not sure what condition you have to be for that, they didn't say ).

The thing that I was wondering about is : when you take lsd or similar you know you can expect such things, but if you ( caused by your condition and I don't mean exactly you but in general ) see hallucinations without taking any substance, how do you distinguish them from all the normal stuff you see? I mean how can you know ( except if the thing disappears quickly ) what is 'real' and what not?

@We3D for one, the hallucinations visually look weird. The hallucinations who are not visible are the terrible things. You think that certain things are going on and are sure certain stuff is true because it happened in your mind. Tbh, you're fucked if you're that far. Read my 'God' hallucination above. It wasn't visual, but he was everywhere.

The medicine just slows you down. Cognition is dead. It makes just everything a bit harder.

The most scary thing is - with LSD, you know WHY you hallucinate and how long kinda left. A psychosis doesn't stop. If you think it's escalate to the max, heh, ten times worse? Hold me beer. You'll experience stuff that's impossible. Many people get religious after this. In mental health clinic we also pray before food

@retoor when I was in that state I not exactly prayed but was more or less trying to reach any god I've heard of...

none replied...

and I'm still atheist ;)

on the topic of hallucinations : I'm sure most of the ppl ( had asked few and they confirmed ) have this kind of matrix glitches where you think you see something and when you get closer you realize it's completely another thing ( when you are in a vehicle is much more noticeable... maybe is related to the speed? )

can't quite get what you mean god was everywhere, but according to christianity that is true, so no big deal there ;)

also if we look at it in another cosmic way that is true too. the universe is in us as well as we are in it, the only thing that's not clear in this pov is why we have access to all the good intel...

@retoor also I've kind if were in parallel universe... hard to explain it all, but for example for over a year I wasn't hearing any bird song in the near forest, no matter which part of the year it is...

@We3D that glitching and the moving vehicle example. Maybe it's like your phone camera being able to see infrared of your remote. Maybe we experience something like that. Other timed frames

I've spent three hours and around 2Gb traffic AI dependencies to calculate this:

(-0.03693600594997404, 'GENTLE AS A LAMB', 'I love the world. I love the world. I love the world.')

(0.4627015233039856, 'BIPOLAR EPISODE', 'I love the world. I hate the world. I love the world.')

(0.9623390525579453, 'SEGMENTATION FAULT', 'I hate the world. I love the world. I hate the world.')

It's an application for rating rants. It uses advanced AI stuff and it actually takes some time to calculate rant score :D

@We3D

@retoor that's nice and pretty accurate. did you tried it with sorta normal complaining full of fucks?

@We3D yes. It results to 1. SEGMENTATION_FAULT. I've added one status to Wisecrack's status list. SEGMENTATION_FAULT == 100% score.

The algorithm is tampered a little bit to get better results. But interesting, the last one is marked positive by AI:

(1.0, 'SEGMENTATION FAULT', 'Fuck')

(1.0, 'SEGMENTATION FAULT', 'Fuck a thousand times')

(0.0, 'GENTLE AS A LAMB', 'Fuck a thousand times while love is in the air')

I use this btw: https://huggingface.co/blog/...

@retoor I was @ bench party and just scrolled it to check the pics and believe it or not when I stoped at the positive wordcloud apart NFT the first think that cought my attention was shroom...

will check it tomorrow thks :*