I'm a tech lead for a new agile project for a manager who knows nothing about agile. Having to work on a chart that shows exactly how many sprints each milestone will be and when it will complete for like, 17 sprints from now when requirements aren't even set. Wtf?

Make it a pie chart. Or better yet, a bubble chart

The longer I work in the industry, the more I realize that agile isn't a concept or a type of process so much as it is a Rorschach test for managers

I can't. The guy wants specific dates each milestone will be done. He says we won't be held to it. Yeah, right...

Yeah, I've heard that line a million times. One week later: "You know those dates you gave me? I reported them to the stakeholders and now everyone expects you to meet those deadlines"

Yup. I feel like an attorney putting disclaimers on the bottom. Two are

All requirements have been fully understood and no major functionality has been not considered.

And

No major functionality/enhancement is added to the requirements

One other is basically the offshore developers better not suck.

I think the only thing agile about this is the word Sprint

Man, the devs at Sprint Corporation must have nailed the whole software process thing