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I was supposed to have blood tests taken for presumed chronic fatigue syndrome. Turns out nobody told me I need to show up before 10 am or one of the tests can't be done. I'm tired. I'm very tired. I just lost job because I can't fucking focus on anything and I'm struggling to do even basic tasks around myself. Every time I get somewhere in life, whenever I think that my mental problems eased up it turns out it was a lie. I'm burned out, I hate this fucking line of work for another useless megacorps serving some faceless board of vampires or another dIsRuPtIvE sTaRtUp. In almost 10 years of my professional work I did maybe 2 years of work on something that was marginally useful for the society and not some sociopaths looking to capitalize every aspect of human lives.
I don't know why I am still trying. Maybe because I'm too tired to kill myself. -
@msdsk antidepressants. Antidepressants. Antidepressants. Antidepressants. Antidepressants.
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@kiki
Been taking antidepressants for many years, went through many different ones. Side effects and limited effects made me stop. -
@msdsk which ones? Also, side effects? You might be bipolar, thus you might need normotymics like lamotrigine plus atypical neuroleptics like quetiapine
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You doing alright @kiki ?
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@kiki
Nah, I'm pretty sure it's quite a baseline dysthymia. It's been extreme tiredness, low libido (escitalopram my beloved), sleep problems, weight gain, classic stuff. The last one I had was brintellix, it had fewer side effects but also barely any effect on my mood. -
@msdsk brintelix huh… so you’re not from the US. Me neither!
Your symptoms look like a classic case of depression. Maybe try tricyclic antidepressants like amitriptiline? They’re super-strong, but they don’t fit all. Also, of all SSRIs, venlafaxine is perhaps the strongest. I have cases of people loving it after milder SSRIs failed -
@SidTheITGuy something big is coming.
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@kiki please tell me, in a good way.
Whatever you do, just keep going.
If you don't have mental capacity to do all tasks today, do one or two. If you want to do that side project you wanted, but lost motivation in the moment, do at least something, like a sign up form. Just keep going. Put some work in, make this day's net impact positive. And it's not all about work! Wanted to play that game you bought on a steam sale but never opened? Play the first level today. Wanted to learn how to make music? Download Ableton or Fruity Loops, watch a tutorial video on YouTube, replicate the steps. Just keep going.
Wandering directionless and letting yourself go is the sure path to misery. Remember — every figment of human behavior has a reason. It is important to identify reasons behind seemingly random behavior patterns and comprehend them in a non-judgmental way. Then, starve what holds you back, and feet what keeps you going.
I have bipolar type I + autism. Using this approach and remembering that everything has a reason helped me debug my low productivity. And no, I don't mean my job, I mean my real goals I want to pursue even if I had a billion in the bank today and never had to work a single day in my life.
Aaand, the reason was?… fear. I discovered I had PTSD all along that manifested when I was misdiagnosed and prescribed strong neuroleptics. In a way, it's a chemical lobotomy, just less invasive and more reversible. My intelligence came back, but it came back together with PTSD.
Now, instead of chasing mythical productivity, I know the reason behind the lack of it — PTSD. It is hard to fight what isn't defined, but it is real to win a fight with a thing with a name and a face.
Just keep going. That's my message to you.
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