34
call-a3
3y

I love my girlfriend, but sometimes she doesn't get dev-work.
Last night, we had a fight over me sticking post-its to the wall in our home office. I find them helpful for keeping an overview of what I'm working on. She finds them ugly and decided to tear them all down without conferring with me. I got pissed. I almost always give in to her quirks and wants in every other aspect of how we live, so I feel like my desk space should at least be under my control. In my anger, I ordered her out of the room. She then proceeded to be sulking/angry with me up till and including this morning "because I overreacted".

Was I wrong? What should I have done differently?

Comments
  • 1
    You overreacted which is bad but it's your homeoffice and one does not destroy others work. So buy her some flowers be nice to her say she is beautiful and so on, apologize for your overreaction and have a talk about that's your space and you like that to be respected. And if shes not okay with that, find a a solution togheter.
  • 1
    Maybe you could compromise with the colour and size of the post it notes? 😉
  • 2
    @call-a3 watch this: https://youtu.be/v-iUHlVazKk

    He has some pretty valid viewpoints on relationship and love in general and presents it in a funny but clear way.

    https://youtu.be/DCS6t6NUAGQ
  • 3
    Hmmm...
    I think I need a Home-office thingy..
    And a girlfriend too..
    My life is way too dull.. Lol
  • 1
    Fuck that relationship. this kind of things should be out of the box understanding i don't need to deal with this i say time to move on.
  • 4
    @linuxxxxxx why give up because of such a normal thing?
  • 0
    @d02d33pak if I was you I'd just get a home office. At least it will never leave you
  • 7
    I wonder if I'm really lucky. My girlfriend is not a dev at all. She's a Biological Engineer. She's a cleaning freak. I'm a messy bastard. I mean, I have my stuff organized as I like it, I know the place of everything I have. But my organization for others is a complete mess. But she respects my space, even if it gets her out of her nerves.
    I mean, she doesn't like having my post its and hard drives lying around our workspace (yeah, we have a studio for both of us where we study/work together) but she sucks it up.
    She even makes coffee for me when I stay up late or pull an all-nighter!!
    Definitely, I'm a lucky man.
  • 3
    Next time add a few post-it saying "I love you" and "kiss (her name)" and watch how all of the sudden it's not a problem anymore 😍😍
  • 2
    My home office is used as a dumping ground for pretty much everything - washing, our daughters trike and I also have a load of post-it type bits to keep me organised, but I also have pics of her and our daughter on my desk.

    Maybe just a thought but why not get some framed pics of you two and put sticky notes around them? Maybe she'll like the thoughtfulness and let you keep them!
  • 0
    @PonySlaystation because it is such a normal thing. that's exactly why. same way you would fire a dev who doesn't understand basic programming principles (if you hired him in the first place)
  • 1
    @pr0d1gybAn now that sounds like someone worth the effort @PonySlayStation
  • 3
    The solution is simple. Don't get in a relationship at all.
    Seriously, I fail to see the benefit of relationships.
  • 1
    @AlexDeLarge
    You can still have a good friendship with out someone without dating them.
    But hey, it's your opinion and I respect that.
  • 0
    Start by telling her the truth: that's your system for keeping track of work. Then ask why it bothers her so much. Approach the conflict with the understanding that one or both of you may have to reach a compromise.

    You know, _communicate_.
  • 0
    I learned that when women making a fuss about something like this, there must be something else I do that’s been bothering her or she expect me to behave. And the solution is usually a third thing, whatever that makes her happy and forget about above two.
  • 0
    Thanks everyone for chiming in. I've been at work all day but definitely going to apologize for the outburst when I get home. I'm also gonna calmly explain that the post-its are part of my work and would appreciate she didn't mess with that...
  • 0
    "I learned that when women making a fuss about something like this, there must be something else I do that’s been bothering her"

    Well, you _could_ play guessing-games like that, or you _could_ just, y'know, ask honest questions and talk about it? Turns out, most people are actually interested in solving conflicts -- so long as the other person also demonstrates willingness to participate in that process...
  • 1
    @nbamaral haha if I were to try something like putting "I love you" post-it on a wall my girlfriend would hammer my head with a pan for risking to leave glue stains on the wall xD
  • 1
    @Michelle one major benefit of being in a relationship is having someone to clean up your post it notes
  • 2
    @Jonnyforgotten
    Parents or friends can do that too.
  • 4
    Update: I apologised for my outburst yesterday evening, but also mentioned I really want to be able to put up post-its because they help me with my work. I suggested we try to find a way I can do that that's less annoying to her.

    Fast-forward to today: she picked up some old whiteboards she had lying around at her parents place so I can stick my post-its to them instead of the closets.

    I love my girlfriend :)
Add Comment