Well fucking shit, I built util-linux from source and restarted my Debian installation without knowing that mount needed new libraries, so I can't fix it from the install itself because mount no longer works properly and and the root partition mounts as read only. My only hope is to take the SSD out and put it in my laptop (The BIOS on this machine doesn't like booting from external drives for some reason...), boot from a recovery disk, chroot, and re-install util-linux that way.