Java Joke......

Choosing Java because it works on all platforms, is THE worst reason

When you install Java it says "3 billion devices run java"

Well I'm not sure how many of those devices actually respond

You know you have hired a Python programmer do Java when .....

3 billion devices run Java.......

Java 🎉

Java vs. JavaScript

Fuck Java.

Right here

Java<3

Java security applied.

Java running on my machine.

When you first start learing development patterns on Java

Working in Java be like.

just throw in words like "algorithm" and you’re good

Do you program in Java?

He's stop writing Java because he thinks Java is inelegant. He write PHP instead.

Am I still on earth? 🤔

Bringing back the Java in JavaScript!

Java + Python = Kotlin?
😂😂😂

So I've got a friend learning Java, using Eclipse.
I walk in one day and see him restarting his computer. I make nothing of it. Few minutes later, he's restarting again.
I jokingly say "Windows update?"
He responds with the straightest face ever: "No, compiling code."

Apparently he thought you needed to restart the computer before compiling.
Not sure if I should be mortified or laughing my ass off.

Don't like where Java is going

My new year's resolution:
- Learn more Java
- Build a web server with Java
- Make a 3D game with no frameworks in Java
- Make a simple Android app with java
- Try JavaOS
- Tell people I know Java

Say no to java xD

java - - version
Unrecognized operation: - - version

FUCK!!!

java - version
java version "1.x...."

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

Why Java, WHY?!?!? 😭

Every other tool uses - - version ❤️

What?!?

There is an ^= operator in Java for booleans. I have been programming in Java for 4 years now and never knew this. Like b ^= true will flip b.

Mind blown; this is the greatest thing ever

The floor is java

When a recruiter puts Java in a job spec when they mean JavaScript

java jokes

Interviewed a guy for Java Developer.

He didn't managed to explain his hello world program.

:') :D

He won't be giving java interview anytime soon

Me after 3 days of trying to figure out c++:

"Fuck it I'm using java"

How does a Java dev cut his hair?

Eclipse it

windows users be like

Getting shit from everyone for liking Java.

Damn you java...!!;!

every project ever

Java Monsters in the house?

"Java is like javascript"

Inheritance in Java

After a long time in .NET and JavaScript, I have returned to Java today. I was quite happy about it for a few minutes!

After heck a lot of hours of debugging my Java code which looked all right, found out my mistake was just using == instead of equals()

Java and android studio..

7 billion devices run Java... And that street too

Oh Java, go have Java ☕

Java 😂😂😂

stackoverflow these days:

How to [land a rocket on Mars] using java 8 streams?

How inheritance works in java

I was once at my uncle's 40th birthday party and bored to hell, so he gave me a book that was supposed to be "Python for kids". I started reading it and soon fell in love with programming.
Since then I've often learned new programming languages by reading books or lately mostly the internet.
My books here should be in chronological order:

When they say java but they mean javascript

Kotlin or java?

Java is too verbose? Pff, noooo...

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

very long pause….

“Java.”

Thanks java

C++ VS Java

java java = new java("java");

// java

C++ vs Java 😂

why tf java internship requires me to have a knowledge of a 3+ years experienced java developer!?

Being a Java dev...

Either I bumped my head really hard, I’ve died and I’m in hell, or something crazy because I’m actually kinda enjoying Java.

If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

Some 40 years old guy on the bus talking with his younger colleague: "If you learn Java, you know Javascript. Javascript is just more compact Java."

Which one of these would you rather use/looks better? Purple or grey?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

*long pause*

Java!

147 Day to release Java 9! Are you ready ??😎

Java... 😑

Screw Java.

Java and his brother..

If Java had a decent garbage collector, it would have collected itself years ago...

Cup of Java + workspace

back with some more UI designs.

which one of these would you rather use?

The biggest annoyance in Java for me is the absence of "real" properties. Writing getters and setters everywhere is ugly, you are generating them anyways.

Install java

"I decided to write the core software for my Time Machine in Java. It's Date API is so error free and easy to use."

As the legend goes, the scientist is trapped in another dimension between Timezones.

#thanksjava

Java 11 is out!

You know you are screwed when your colleague in a Java project asks you how to create two different constructors on the same class.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
*5 second pause*
Java

Went in to the therapist today. Their impression is I'm likely okay. Wait until I show them the cluster fuck that is Java Enterprise. 🙃

When I work with Java Swing for a school homework

C++ vs Java

Java is cool

Java 0 | Python 1

I just figured out what most of the 3 billion devices running java would be. Sim and credit cards

An old one, but still pretty funny 😂

If Java had true Garbage Collection, it would delete itself.

#Java#Things

i was talking with a senior developer and...

...i realized...

...every single thing you people trashtalked against java, was a delusional lie.

been a minute since i did one of these. this design was made using figma. suggestions, comments, and feedback all welcome!

The time when your student pronounces "Java" as "Jaba". \/00\/

That fantastic feeling when you switch from java to python.

A kid in highschool asked what are the similarities between Java and Javascript. I told him:

"Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet."

Why don't people like Java? With only a year of AP comp sci for experience, I don't know enough about it to say I do or don't like it. But it's widely used, and is an official language of Android. Are the people hating on Java just people that don't use it? Or is there something about Java that people just genuinely despise?

Java
It's my favorite language because I started learning programming in Java when I was in school.
The most annoying thing in Java is I don't feel like writing System.out.println each time.

Java is a nightmare.

I was assigned my first ever huge software project in college (a complex board game made in only pure java) and was assigned a group by my professor. Since I'm doing well in the class, I was given kids who want me to teach them everything (from GitHub to simple oop) on top of programming most of the system because they can't or don't want to. So to make things easier I gave out some relatively simple and specific jobs in GitHub using the issues system that apparently nobody reads. Thankfully one person decided to take initiative and start their feature but one commit later the entire system crashed and everything is broken FML can't wait to program this entire thing by myself.

this is Brian
Brian is a Java architect
be like Brian

Choosing java as my interview language over python. Still suspicious. 😓😓

Java gives me weird habits;

Getting a Java Null Pointer Exception

Java is kind of like teenage sex--everyone is always talking about it, but in reality they don't even know what they're talking about.

Seriously, Fuck JAVA.

-Yeah sure, I'll adjust to java pretty quickly. Have been working with C# for years.

Narrator- But little did he know that how much Java differs.

This whole week I’ve been writing Java (for the first time) and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a horrible language, written by horrible people, for the purpose of making other people’s lives horrible.

Fuck Java 🙂

Started learning Java, already hate it....

Once I didn't knew anything about coding or development.
Someone suggested me to start with Java.

Still looking for that Mada-foker.

Programming Language: Java vs JavaScript

Currently working on a simple, front-end UI project that is actually a bet with a friend and that means a whole load of CSS 💀 Anyways, decided that an element didn’t look so good and decided to fuck around with its positioning. I proceed to change one value and I kid you not, the whole fucking screen distorts and all the other elements end up somewhere else. I obviously smash the Ctrl-Z right away and had to take a good look at everything in my code. Now I just resort to "border: 1px solid red;" around something if its acting fishy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Java is future ☕️☕️

Why do java programmers wear glasses?

They can't see sharp.

Java : JavaScript :: Car : Carpet

>Be me
>About to finish large-ish GUI program in Java
>Finish coding program
>Be happy that you finally finished
>Go to test the program
> Doesn't start
>Get concerned
>Debug the code for hours on end to find out why it isn't working
>Find that you were missing a semi-colon the whole time
>Yell into a pillow
>Go to devRant to rant about it

I love Java...

...script!

CS prof comes over and asks me to explain my final project and to look over my code etc. Shes generally rude and starts going "mhm, yeah, ok" without even looking up and then asks to test my output.

Well fuck. My program works except for a couple shitty bugs that I’d just found out about two minutes ago. One of them was that it would crash every time the user simply pressed enter when asked for input. So here I am, hoping to fuck that doesn’t happen or else there goes 10% from this mark. It happens (obviously w/ my luck). She goes "oh" and continues to write shit down while I sit there cringing internally. Then with a quick fake ass "thank you" she walks away and I slowly turn back in my chair to my monitors and to my sad sad code.

The next day, I find out the result. 95%. And it still crashes to this day whoops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Java <3

I'm switching from dot net to java, feel like newbie :-/

Be like java..😜

Still not loving Java

Learning Java.

Iterating HashMaps

That is all...

!dev

what did you think of the cybertruck unveiling?

Back in the late 90's when I got started in my career - had a boss that didn't known the difference between Java and JavaScript. I made the mistake of trying to explain the difference. If you can keep the boss in the dark and get away with it - do it. Ignorance is bliss.

Java is not Javascript

I really dont understand the hate for Java, people specially showing on devRant. Java is such a beautiful language. Im ready to take on the negatives if Java loses. Java lovers can put ++ and hater can hit --. Let's see the results at the end of the week.

Java versions till now !

When a Java nullptrexception is not reproducible.

Handicapped in Java

Explain the 'Script' to Java. Why the Fuck would you want to do so?

When I started learning Java, I thought my lecturer was asking me to speak in Indonesian

Java - Everyone hates it

I'd learn Java..

Cheers to those Java developers who think they will be richer than PHP developers because Java has a more complex syntax.

Ternary operator in Java, because damn it looks so slick

Java developers
how much time did it take from you to learn Java ?

Rivalry of 21st century

Java v/s Python

Learning Java < Death.

This might trigger some people here, but... I like Java and its structure.
/_(o_o)_\

Sure its java😂😂

proceeds to google “am i disabled”

What is Java?

When u try Java and fall in love with It. :'v

When Java exceptions mean nothing

I got 99 problems and java is all of them.

Java and JavaScript are as similar as Car and Carpet

Going to python from using java. I miss ;

Wtf java.. You can't just fucking make java paid.. This is not acceptable assholes. Although I don't use java now for many good reasons. But I always had respect for it. And I used to use it.

just switched to Zsh from Bash as my default shell and it has me wondering why i didn’t do this sooner! definitely looking forward to exploring all its features as i use it more

When you talk about cocktails but you're a Java developer and you're struggling to not say Mockito.

This jewel piece of code in Java:

if(String.valueOf(var1.toString( ) ).equalsIgnorecase(String.valueOf(var2.toString())){
//fuck something else here
}
String var1; //defined somewhere
String var2; //defined somewhere in the code

At this point I am not even mad 😂😂

Learning teh Java Scripts

Anybody remember when we actually spent time writing code instead of debugging the tools? Specially the gazillion of crap that's out there for fucking Java shit?

HTTP requests in Java... 💀

Found some Java over there...

First Rant. Learning Java. No previous experience. Headache. Fun!

What is the difference between Integer and int in Java? Void and void?

anyone else code randomly in their mind even when they’re not in front of a monitor or just doing random shit in their everyday life. like for example the other day i was writing something down on a (completely) blank piece of paper and started quite a bit away from the edges and in my mind i was like "just set the padding to 30px" or yesterday when i almost slept in and immediately thought "oh shit, forgot to call setMorningAlarm()". whenever i’m out and about and come across something cool i try to figure out how it must work code-wise in my head. and if it’s not that, it’s always usually something to do with my own problems i’m having in my program - usually the solution pops up in the most random moments like when i’m getting ready to leave or sitting in class.

sub teacher came in for today’s class. we’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes now because windows decided it was a fine morning for system updates and it’s only at about 13%. how’s your thursday morning been?

New on HS Robotics team (we went to worlds last year —> we’re good). I come from France.
The lead programmer say that we are gonna stop coding the robot in Java and start C++ this year, so naturally I’m excited!

Lead programmer just told us we’re actually staying with Java... fuck.

"knock knock"
"who's there"
...five minutes pause...
"Java"

*such is Life with Java*

why the hate on java? ok, i'm only studying applied computer sciences for a year now, we mainly saw java /javascript and i like them. personally i worked with python, c, c#, php, swift too but i still don't see the problem with java

I sometimes type === in Java.. Too much JS on my mind.

- Daddy, tell me a joke!
- Java type safe generics, son.

I didn't knew you could buy java

Saying Java is good because it works on every operating system, is like saying anal sex is good, because it works with every gender!

teaching myself Java servlets
ide refuses to recognize my tomcat server
me: ...... no one's using java servlets right?
*nods to self, gets up and leaves laptop*

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

There should be a competition for java developers where they compete to generate the longest stack trace.
#javasucks

Started doing Java because i thought it had much better libraries than C++ .Now after doing it , still not able to decide whether to stick with Fucking Java or with that Fucking C++ LOL.

Bring out your Java madness!!

java it is a black box that convert XML to SQL

.NET or Java?

I hate java...

Hey everyone, I am trying to learn how to become better a Java but I don't really know where to begin. I already know some of the basics and have made a few minor projects but I really want to advance. I was hoping someone could provide me with some ideas for simple yet complicated projects so that I can further my knowledge of the Java programming language.

We all like Java...

... sort of...

coded a java program in eclipse throws back error .
Know that program is correct.
Created a new project file copy pasted the code, wolaa.. executed.
:/

Tell me something about JAVA 😏😁

Why Java?

Java Rules The World

Java sucks

Java vs C++ .....😂😂👍.

Sweet taste of Java

Fuck Java. Seriously fuck.

For all the hate that Java gets, this *not rant* is to appreciate the Spring Boot/Cloud & Netty for without them I would not be half as productive as I am at my job.

Just to highlight a few of these life savers:
- Spring security: many features but I will just mention robust authorization out of the box
- Netflix Feign & Hystrix: easy circuit breaking & fallback pattern.
- Spring Data: consistent data access patterns & out of the box functionality regardless of the data source: eg relational & document dbs, redis etc with managed offerings integrations as well. The abstraction here is something to marvel at.
- Spring Boot Actuator: Out of the box health checks that check all integrations: Db, Redis, Mail,Disk, RabbitMQ etc which are crucial for Kubernetes readiness/liveness health checks.
- Spring Cloud Stream: Another abstraction for the messaging layer that decouples application logic from the binder ie could be kafka, rabbitmq etc
- SpringFox Swagger - Fantastic swagger documentation integration that allows always up to date API docs via annotations that can be converted to a swagger.yml if need be.
- Last but not least - Netty: Implementing secure non-blocking network applications is not trivial. This framework has made it easier for us to implement a protocol server on top of UDP using Java & all the support that comes with Spring.

For these & many more am grateful for Java & the big big community of devs that love & support it.

This message popped up while updating Java

Just this morning -

Me: *looking through some ways to implement something in a current project*

Also me to my brother: I might pick up some PHP, you know, learn Laravel, it could help

My brother from just outside the room: I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that

:| Needless to say, I picked a different approach after some more digging lol

java evolution parade 😝

What's up with all this hate with Java?

Start working with Excel export and imports in java... The Sheet goes real..

That awkward moment when your Java class mentions "SUCC"

Is the Java programming language 100% object oriented?

Java developers never R.I.P, they just get garbage collected.

User: I'd like to hear a java joke.

Java: Java is not defined.

User: Damnit Java!

Let me just see what the "FragmentStatePagerAdapterManagerActivator" does. Fucking Java.

What's the difference between Java and C#?
A: Former is slow, latter is....forced?

I have just learned java language. Can anyone tell me some small projects that will help me as a beginner?

I feel like more than half of the time i spend coding Java is actually writting system.out.println().

I mean come on ! Who got time for that ?!

Java virtual machine

Java Dev: "Does Josh's team own this java service?"
Scrum Master: "They did the dev work but we own it."
Java Dev:

Am at a Hackathon and am being judged for coding in Java, and I have been relegated to developing the front end. I feel judged.

kiss my piss, Java :/