The hardest part of being a programmer wasn't the education, the self-teaching, the sleepless nights or the hours of agony trying to fix a bug that would break a program I'd spend weeks working on.

It's the realization that my family, friends, coworkers...nobody understands at all what I do. They don't know of my failures or my triumphs. I can't talk about it with them and it's becoming more apparent to them that it's taking up more of my life. And in a way it feels like a part of myself has just become, well, alien.

Best way I can describe it is, it's like the "Tears in the Rain" scene from Blade Runner.

I'm stuck, I think. I know I've been shutting out people from my life more and more as I don't want to "deal" with people's issues, but I don't think it's been good. I'm can verify that I'm depressed beyond my normal levels.

It's time for me to make an appointment with a therapist.

Remember that you are loved here, and appreciated. Don't let anyone tell you different.

Stay strong.

!rant
May I suggest an email service?

I saw this post recommending the Vivaldi browser (https://devrant.com/rants/1544070/...) and there was a discussion a few days ago about how email providers snoop around and sell data. I can't find it anymore, but noone mentioned protonmail.ch there.

I just wanted to share my so far positive experience with protonmail. It's a fully encrypted email service that was first used internally by some Swiss academics. Now they made a product out of it with paid subscriptions and a basic, free account. They already open-sourced the front-end web client and are planning to do the same for the back-end in the future, which is really cool. Oh and they have really nice email clients for iOS and Android, which have higher ratings than gmail itself in the Play Store. But that might also be because only a special audience uses protonmail and not the regular guys.

So, I suggest that you register an account there even if you don't want to use it right now. The free account comes with 1 email address and storage limitations. But it's usable and ad-free. Since it's still quite the new service, many email addresses are available. Just like gmail in the early days. That's why I'm suggesting you go and register even if you don't need it now.

Oh and last but not least: I'm not affiliated in any way with protonmail, except for having a paid subscription. But I believe things making the internet a better place should be promoted and devrant is definitely the community with people thinking the same way I do. Have a nice day.

I promise this is my last GDPR rant..