If I get ++ and configure something, will other people see me as a duck or will I only see everyone else as a duck?

These are urgent questions

Where can I buy debug humans?

Is this duck thing gonna be available for ++ too?

'cause I'm loving it

Pipeline time!

Ubuntu: 100% tests, 367/367 tests succeed
MacOS: 93% tests, 330/367 tests succeed
Windows: 71%, 285/367 tests succeed

Time to boot up a windows vm...

(these numbers are not accurate)

Using Zoom to share my screen so my colleague can use his Skype Business to record the Zoom window so that the other people can see my screen and I can call in using my phone

All because Linux does not have skype business :p

I finally have 31 ++'s 🤩

All my unit tests work, all my component tests work, why the FUCK does it give me a 'Verification Failed' error?

1 hour later:
Oh wait this is the wrong public key

Today tragedy has struck, I forgot my ear phones

I couldn't get into the zone, had issues with bugs and had to listen to people breathe and make mouth noises in the train.

I had to resort to playing songs in my head which didn't draw out any distracting noises

We have hand sanitizers that are usually empty and spray way too much leaving your hands drenched in liquid

Also, one side has gates which means you have to touch your security card to get in and on the other side there are the elevators so you have to touch the buttons outside and inside to get away, or do it with your elbow

Point is, could be better :p

Hey you!

Yes you!

You think you can finish those 3 tasks this evening?

WELL PREPARE TO BE STUCK FOREVER AT TASK 1 BECAUSE OF A FUCKING STUPID BUG THAT YOU COULD'VE FOUND IN 2 MINUTES HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOUR DROWSINESS

And obviously after doing that you don't have any energy for task 2 and 3, so you decide to do that in the train ride over

Why can my password only be 20 characters for fucks sake

I usually generate pws of 70 characters and now for some reason it can't be longer than 20

"Hey that's nice, they added a README, I wonder what this weirdly named repo is and ..."

THIS IS AN EXAMPLE README YOU CAN EXPAND IT BY ADDING INFORMATION ON HOW TO...

"Fuck"

Being a fullstack developer for bottom-of-the-barrel clients

Me, about to head out for work: Hey I wonder how much time I have left before the train departs

Clock: 02:00

Me: fuck I did it again

Waking up thinking it's time to start the day and then figure out you can still sleep for 4 hours, while having already showered, put clothes on, eaten breakfast

*dockergasm*

Creating images smaller than 20 MB <3

Fuck the storm, fuck the trains, fuck the distance I have travel, fuck coming to an extra course I'm taking on time, fuck today

When a library has all the documentation you'll ever need with all the configuration options but doesn't contain one fucking example on how to put it all together...

Hey outlook webapp

could you not FUCKING RELOAD WHILE I'M TYPING A LONG E-MAIL

thanks to you I'm now addicted to ctrl+a ctrl+c-ing everything

*opens reddit*

Oh wait I'm at work

*closes reddit*

*Repeats every 10 minutes*

It happens so often I wonder if anyone notices

Shell/bash for pipelines

The entire syntax seems so hard to read and to write

Makefiles are great but programming in them is shit

When you can finally leave work after a long day and then your security card's data gets erased and you can't leave the building

In the old days switching accounts was as simple as logging out and logging in

Now, logging out redirects you to 20 different pages, doesn't redirect you to the original page, and sometimes it doesn't even log you out

!rant

Just ran a terraform configuration to set up my infrastructure on digital ocean

My god i'm in love

Our pipeline had been running for 45 minutes, I went to investigate

Our mutation testing framework had identified 90 potential mutants and started running through our 342 tests for every single mutant, so 90 * 342 tests

And I had been complaining about the amount of pipeline agents being too low and pipelines blocking up...

Deadline day

Mouse dies

Legend has it that auto-complete pull requests only ever actually autocomplete while you're watching them

Our makefile contains these lines:
bs: build-and-start
build-and-start:
[...]

So `make bs` is our go-to command

SonarQube: You forgot to remove this one 'import' statement

Also SonarQube: This will take you at least 5 years to fix

When the PM says that it's a 'temp solution'

I want Gordon Ramsey to start a IT program in the same fashion as Hotel Hell and Kitchen Nightmares

He'll sit at a desk with a laptop, examining code as if he's eating food, venting frustrations and screaming insults out loud

Then he'll have a talk with the team and see how they work on a day

After that he'll go into the freezer (server room) and scream at mold and cockroaches

Then comes the intervention where we discover that the PM is still grieving about the death of his original programming language and the team loves him but thinks he should move on

The next day the development studio is modernised and has a candy bar, tennis table and everyone is forced to use linux on their new macbooks

Then we experience a good day where everything is great and velocity is through the roof

Then Gordon leaves and everything is shit again