!rant

Just ran a terraform configuration to set up my infrastructure on digital ocean

My god i'm in love

Our pipeline had been running for 45 minutes, I went to investigate

Our mutation testing framework had identified 90 potential mutants and started running through our 342 tests for every single mutant, so 90 * 342 tests

And I had been complaining about the amount of pipeline agents being too low and pipelines blocking up...

Deadline day

Mouse dies

Legend has it that auto-complete pull requests only ever actually autocomplete while you're watching them

Our makefile contains these lines:
bs: build-and-start
build-and-start:
[...]

So `make bs` is our go-to command

SonarQube: You forgot to remove this one 'import' statement

Also SonarQube: This will take you at least 5 years to fix

When the PM says that it's a 'temp solution'

I want Gordon Ramsey to start a IT program in the same fashion as Hotel Hell and Kitchen Nightmares

He'll sit at a desk with a laptop, examining code as if he's eating food, venting frustrations and screaming insults out loud

Then he'll have a talk with the team and see how they work on a day

After that he'll go into the freezer (server room) and scream at mold and cockroaches

Then comes the intervention where we discover that the PM is still grieving about the death of his original programming language and the team loves him but thinks he should move on

The next day the development studio is modernised and has a candy bar, tennis table and everyone is forced to use linux on their new macbooks

Then we experience a good day where everything is great and velocity is through the roof

Then Gordon leaves and everything is shit again

I love nginx' docker container, but it always takes me 2 minutest to remember that an idle nginx container does NOT output any logs

So here's my dumbass staring at the log output, thinking something's wrong

I've heard of the prisoners dilemma, so here's the programmers dilemma:

If nobody gets what they want, endless meetings ensue
If person A gets what they want, then everything is fine
If person B gets what they want, then everything is fine
If both get what they want, it becomes a shitfest

I think this goes for conventions, patterns, you name it

Why does every fucking agile presentation have to have those dumb, meaningless white stick figures in meaningless positions that only serve to fill up whitespace

- Finish my dev minor hopefully with a 9 average
- Have a great dev internship
- Graduate (as a software dev)
- Have a nice vacations because I finally don't have dev exams anymore
- Get a development job

void encrypt(...) {
[...]
output.Write(iv);
output.Write(salt);
[...]
}

void decrypt(...) {
[...]
input.Read(salt);
input.Read(iv);
[...]
}

Took me 2 hours to figure out why it kept giving me decryption errors :/

"Did you really buy a macbook to put ubuntu on it?"
"Wow why would you use such an overpriced piece of garbage just to put linux on it?'
"You made the worst choice of hardware to put ubuntu on"

Maybe, just maybe, I didn't fucking buy it myself and I got it from work? Maybe I didn't fucking pay a dime to get a laptop to put ubuntu on it? Ever considered that I got it for fucking free and have the privilege to do what I want with it?

Go fuck yourself if your first assumption is that I would actually buy a macbook just to erase MacOS from it

I've fallen in love with (unit) testing, it just saved my ass from deploying a broken version of my library because of a missing '!'

Me: Yay everything is tested and everything works!

Manager: Changes password of the e-mail server

Me: :(

"I got an issue on my pc, can you have a look?"

Sure, I'm afraid I don't know the solution to that, just google xxx and I'm sure there'll be something to fix it

"I don't know how to do that, that's way too complicated. Nevermind I'll take my old pc"

y tho...

Woke up, took a shower, realized it was 2 AM in the morning...

Luckily my hair wasn't wet yet, how can I be so sleepy that I don't even look at the time

Volunteered at a hospital and made some kind of intranet for other volunteers because they wanted to use a facebook group for internal communication which I found stupid.

Made a reactjs/slimphp app and learned a variety of things while coding, unfortunately it had to support internet explorer which sucks balls.

Quit after a year because of school and a paid job, someone else is maintaining it now :)

Did you guys' stubborness get you anywhere? Did it ever help you along the way? Did you ever discover new things because you wanted to do things your own way?

Let's discuss 🍵☕

Want me to NOT read your fucking article?

'Cause that's how you get me to NOT read your fucking article

(referring to the website creators, not the writer)

I've been inspired by cpg grey (I think that's the name), mainly his 10 tips on how to be miserable, to write a blog or some kind of post explaining the 8 things you need to do if you hate your coworkers and want your codebase to go to shit.

So it'll be like a anti-SOLID, anti-pattern type of blog promoting every code smell imaginable

I feel like 8 tips to fuck up your codebase (php perhaps) might he more memorable than actual helpful advise. I'm sure that this has been done before, but I was wondering:

Do you think this would be effective? Would it help people understand why not to do the 8 tips? Does this reverse psychology work?

It's almost like everytime I open the BitBucket pipeline logs my pc starts running the pipeline instead of BitBucket

Even visiting the logs spins up my fan so quickly that it's noticable for the people around me.

Instead of launching a pipeline it launches my pc

if (questionAsked) {
retuen "It depends...";
}

I hate it I hate it I hate it

But it's true because there are a fuckton of factors that determine the answer to a question and nobody ever knows all of them.

I can rarely answer a question from classmates or non-techs without saying that it depends or that there are multiple options.

"Are statics ever good?" It depends
"Should I inject this dependency?" It depends
"Should I google every question first?" It depends

I fear giving a whole answer without knowing the details or at least seeing the code. I've come across multiple XY problems and I'm glad I took the time to look at some code first.

I imported my phpstorm settings into rider and it started syncing both the IDE's settings to my github settings repository, but it did successfully import all my plugins and theme settings

I know the mix of rider and phpstorm settings might cause issues, but I'm curious as hell as to what chaos it might bring :)

Our intern is about to join the master race 🕺🕺🕺

"We care about your privacy [...]"

That's why we make it ultra inconvenient to turn off all of our advertising trackers and give you a broken list of on/off sliders that are slow as fuck. Also, why not just press the 'accept all' at the top of the page? See that big green button? Yeah green is good let's just press it and get this over with right?

Oh and that 'deny all' button? Yeah, a shame nobody actually put some programming into that thing, why not just press the green button next to it? You're only making it harder for yourself y'know...

Guys...

It has come this far...

I... I like test driven development and the amount of unit tests and security it gives you. And I kinda laugh at people that don't take unit testing seriously :p

Is it justified to be angry at websites that break because of extensions like Ghostery or uBlock Origin?

'Cause I fucking hate it when their fucking website breaks because I don't want to have trackers on my pc

How awesome would it be to be able to migrate to a cattle-approach from a pets-approach when it comes to the human body, just kill your old body and start using a new one

Sickness? Create a new instance of your base image. Death? Just spin up a new instance and you're ready to move on. Broken arm? Kill body and get a new one.

Ofcourse, since we're stateful this method is kinda harder, unless you consider your conciousness an external database/soul