Which reminds me: a couple are killed in a freak accident the day before their wedding day.

They arrive in Heaven, St Peter shows them around, and asks them if they have any questions.

"Yes," says the woman, "we were wondering if we can still get married?"

"It's a bit irregular," says St Peter, "but I'll see what I can do."

The days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, and St Peter still hasn't come back. Finally, after three months, he appears with a man wearing clerical robes. "This is Father Bob", he says. "He will conduct your wedding ceremony."

After the ceremony, the newlyweds settle into the daily routine of married afterlife.

Two years later, St Peter happens to be passing, and asks them how they're getting on.

"Well," says the husband, awkwardly, "to be honest, we've been drifting apart. In fact, we've decided we want a divorce."

"Fuck's sake!" says St Peter. "It took me three months to find a priest up here, and now you want me to find a fucking lawyer?"

Can you find an excuse to use HTTP 419 (Page Expired) in their stuff?

@Wisecrack It was probably a UI with a counter-intuitive initial focus that pushed him over the edge.

Don't know. On the rare occasions when I've had to touch Java I could kind of feel bits of my brain dribbling out of my arse, so it could be quite normal.

I was asking it recently about the feasibility of making an Aga-style stove with a lump of plutonium wrapped in lead as the heat source, and it got all officious.

If you seriously think the user might have access to a lump of plutonium then the risk of him trying to fry an egg on it is the least of your problems.

@sweetkid No probs. If you're ever looking for a knee replacement in Podunk Illinois, I know a guy who can sort you out.

Usually when this happens it turns out to be the Mossad. Or rather, it's happened roughly 1000 times in the last couple of years and roughly 1000 times it was them. I might be making some slightly sketchy statistical assumptions there, but the basic idea is sound.

I can't be doing with goat.

On an unrelated subject, when a team doesn't have a large enough budget to do things properly, you can end up with all kinds of secrets and tokens that need to be rotated before they expire, otherwise things will break with unhelpful error messages, because there weren't enough resources to test everything thoroughly.

And the existence of these secrets and the procedure for rotating them won't be found in the documentation.

Resources.

Budget.

You've come to the right place! There's a guy on here called Wizard James who can help you hack into her mainframe, and someone whose name I forget who can fix you up with a mail-order bride or two.

And vinyl shop signs! We can get you vinyl shop signs. And pest control services, and custom-printed popcorn boxes, and AI resume-writing services.

I wish I could remember how to do maths.

Has the baton been passed on, or was @kiki actually you the whole time?

That's it, we're fucked.

@b2plane I think that's the first comment I've seen from you that isn't about your pelvic organs. It's certainly the longest.

Has your account been hacked?

If only devRant used a shorter-lived session cookie.

They're very different operations though. If they used the same operator it would be confusing.

What is the point of this shit?

@Lensflare That's either 469 or 569, right?

A job where you get a ticket and you do exactly what it says on the ticket and then pick up the next ticket?

All things considered, I would rather eat a turd.

Usually it's because dickhead politicians have decided you can't store personal data for any longer than necessary, and dickhead legal/compliance departments have decided that setting a session cookie might count as storing personal data, and told the devs they can't make the expiry of the cookie any longer than is necessary.

@whimsical And a reverse proxy, after a few drinks.

As the saying goes, "your mom is an exit node".

@yenaidong It seems like a fair suggestion to me. If you want to route your OF traffic through someone else's connection, you might as well choose someone who knows you and who is partly responsible for you having ended up that way.

@BordedDev It's not about being able to afford it.

Most of the financial industry runs on VBA macros and desperate interns who don't mind coming in at 5am to "run the spreadsheets".

@include0000 No.

I kind of like rust. Don't kink-shame.

What are you expecting rgb() to return in JS?

Devs: there's no point making this into mobile apps, the web app works fine on mobile devices, we're not doing any funky hardware and we don't need to store data offline. It's just another thing to go wrong.

Management: all my friends have apps.

Devs: we'll have to do everything three times and charge you three times, and we'll also start to really dislike you.

Management: my 13yo kid made an app, it's really easy.

Devs: fine, here's your fucking app.

Don't underestimate the comedy value of a really convincing plastic shit.

Seeing anything in capitals with an H at the start gives me '90s WinAPI flashbacks.

Before answering, please note that the definitions of most of those have recently been broadened to include putting the bins out on the wrong day, supporting brexit, using a phone immediately after driving, and calling a politician a pimmel.