>start new job, not very professionally experienced dev
>spend couple of months working on a feature that is supposed to be an MVP kind of thing, be rushed to finish and told to cut corners because it's "just an MVP", still lose sleep and have relationship suffer (and ultimately ruined) as I try to not lose deadlines created by the boss with questions like "you can have this done by <very soon>, right?"
>frontend created by fellow developer is a garbled mess of repeated code and questionably implemented subpages, frontend dev apparently copies CSS from Figma and pastes it into new non-reusable React components as envisioned by designer, I am tasked with making sense of the mess and adding in API consumption, when questioning boss what to do with the mess I am often told to discard stuff that the frontend dev has made and just reuse his styling; all of this on top of implementing the backend feature that a previous developer wasn't able to do
>specs change along the way, I had been using a library as a helper in some part of the original feature, now the boss sees that and (without further testing the library) promises CEO that we'll add that as a separate subfeature, but the performance of the library is garbage for larger inputs and causes problems, is basically shit that might not have been shit if we had implemented it ourselves, however at this point CEO has promised new feature to some customers, all the actual sense of responsibility falls upon my hands
>marketing folk see halfway done application and ask for more changes
>everything is rushed to launch, plenty of things aren't implemented or are done halfway
>while I'm waiting for boss to deploy, I'm called up to company office by CEO, and get new task that is pretty cool and will actually involve assessing various algorithms and experiment with them, rather than just stitching API calls and endpoints together, it involves delving into a whole new field of CS that I never had the opportunity to delve into before
>start working on cool task, doing research, making good progress
>boss finally deploys feature I had been originally implementing
>cut corners of original boring insane feature start showing up, now I have to start fixing them instead of working on cool task, however the cool task also has a deadline which is likely expected to be met

I'm not sure if I'm having it bad or not, is this what a whole career in software development will look like?

If you use a fucking editor plugin to insert semicolons for you, why even insert them in the first place? They're fucking optional, goddamn it

At this point I'm not sure whether I'm too slow or the deadlines are too tight

People keep asking me for new estimates but I feel like those only serve the purpose of putting pressure on me and pointing fingers at me later when I blow them. It's not like I know when this feature will be ready. New problems crop up as I progress, and people are like "this should have released yesterday". I didn't slept yesterday and neither did I get to enjoy the weekend before that because I tried to make progress in this even though I couldn't bring myself to work in the weekend after all. I feel like I might even lose this job, and I don't have any recruiters spamming me on LinkedIn or a lot of reserve money to last while I look for something else afterwards. Sucks ass to feel incompetent (and quite possibly be, but I hope not). I guess I just have to keep on keeping on.

About to go on crunch to release a feature that is late. I have my own blame to put on it, as I wasted a lot of time, but goddamn.

Every time I said we'd need to take time to test for corner cases and check for errors here and there, my boss told me I need not worry about it, it's just an MVP. Then the marketing people see the feature half-ready and start suggesting their own changes. Then the idea of the project is refined and changed, a new subfeature is added, new backend business logic is added, right as I'm about to finish the original core features. They have the full product in their heads and are already selling it to people while I'm still catching up with quite a significant number of tasks. Now I have to crunch to launch tomorrow morning.

I do mainly the backend parts, but while a frontend guy who knows his CSS does components and pages, I'm the one to figure out pretty much all logic, and how to stitch said components and pages together and how to make the frontend interact with the backend. I'm supposed to do this whole thing and also deploy it all. Hell yeah.

I've never been diagnosed but I'm certain I have ADHD, I get distracted extremely easily with absolutely "whatever" and it completely destroys my performance, I bet people think I'm dumb when in fact when I'm finally able to concentrate I can do things. It fucking sucks, feels like a curse. I realized I failed college because of this. Now I fear losing my job.

Right now I'm about to embark upon a great night of trying to catch up with shit I should have done earlier, which I *might* be able to focus on. I have no fun in life because I don't allow myself to, I somehow attained a relationship with someone and now that too is going to shambles because I spend so much time *trying* to do things and can't bring myself to doing them, and that time is stolen from that which I should spend with people I love and just enjoying life. I fucking hate this. I fucking hate it.

Also, I have this feature which I'm supposed to implement, and they tell me it's just an MVP which we'll use to test waters to see if people will use the functionality, it just has to work... which it does by now, but then they keep adding things before ever releasing. I feel so anxious about this and I didn't even take the job for good pay because I was desperate to leave another job which wasn't even in development. I don't want to fail this, I want to prosper as a developer. I actually wanted to do systems programming and game development, but here I am doing web shit.

Oh well. I shall throw myself unto thee.

I spent eight years in college doing very little progress and didn't graduate in the end ("studied" CS). I'm pretty sure I have severe ADHD and can't even afford to try and treat it/medicate it.

Anyway, I understand the eight-years-in-college-without-graduating matter looks very bad on a resume, but it's a good college (one of the top in my country) that gave me invaluable knowledge in what little I managed to accomplish there.

The way in which LinkedIn allows me to put college education only allows me to input (and in fact in most websites it's kinda required) start and end years, but to be truthful I gotta set these years with their huge span and some kind of observation that I didn't graduate...

This really gives me huge anxiety, and discourages me from even applying to jobs at all, feels like I've ruined my chances at getting into the industry, feels like it locks me away from opportunities, and I know how bad it looks for the HR people, who probably just reject me outright because on top of everything I'm not even the kind of person to particularly attract positive attention from the "normies" as they say.

So, should I just not put my incomplete/dragged out "education" on LinkedIn? I'm not sure if *some* CS education with extremely poor academic results is better than showing no history of higher education at all.

I failed at university, spent too long there without ever graduating. I learned a lot through self-study, though. The only company I worked at was an arrangement with a friend whose company needed people, so I stepped in, but eventually I deserted the job after the company went out of money and I went two months straight working without getting paid. Now I feel apprehensive of putting that job experience in my resume because I didn't come out of it in good terms with the company. I have many unfinished projects but keep them private on GitHub because I feel like the code is too bad to show off. How do I even get a job, now? Should I just quit the industry altogether? Aaaaaaaaaaaaa

Right now I'm just self-studying some things I had wanted to do since college (namely computer graphics and trying to build a game engine) but never actually got to study formally because I kept failing at the prerequisite courses because I always kept distracting myself from my studies and just not putting enough effort. Anyway, I'm willing to listen to your advice and your judgment alike. I feel somewhat confident that I can actually do a good job, but I also don't feel confident enough to apply for jobs since I always feel like my skills are lacking. I know about impostor syndrome, but at the core of it is the matter: is this impostor's syndrome, or am I in fact *actually* consistently bad and incompetent? Rationally speaking I tend to feel like the latter, yet I know the only thing I can do is to try and be better. I guess.

Anyway, completely unstructured thing, just me venting off my frustration and desperation in a place where at least people will read it and possibly offer some advice. Thank you for reading this far.

No, Twitter, I will not delete my tweet wishing for the death of a video game character. I will, however, delete my account and invite all my friends to move elsewhere if you don't accept my appeal.

Second night of my life wasted trying to get fucking Webpack to work. I just want a goddamn working dev server. I just want it to auto-refresh my browser, and yet fuck all happens if I use the "--hot" option for "webpack serve" in my npm start script (as described in the extremely terse and overwhelming documentation). How do the people from create-react-app configure this cancer? Jesus fucking Christ, this is all so overwhelming and extremely confusing, maybe I should quit web development altogether.

Front-end web development is like a fucking cancer to me right now

I need the following behavior from my development environment if I don't want the webdev experience to destroy my sanity and tempt me into suicide by making me waste my valuable lifetime configuring shit that is ultimately meaningless to the software I'm trying to create:

- I should be able to open the webpage in the browser at localhost:<some-port>
- the page should refresh immediately as I save my files
- I should be able to import node modules installed with npm without using a script tag linking to some CDN (for instance, I want to do a get request with axios instead of the fetch API)
- I should be able to do this without spending more than two minutes reading the documentation for a tool that would enable me to do it, ideally without ever coming even close to touching a configuration file

Right now I know about browser-sync and webpack, or webpack-dev-server or some such fucking shit fuck fucking fuck.

browser-sync seems to fulfill most of these needs, except that I can't seem to bring npm modules into my application and import them. Webpack seems to be able to do this, but at the cost of slowly throwing my life away reading documentation for over-complicated configuration files that do not aid me in actual software creation and therefore do not interest me and never will, all in the hope that I *may* at some point dig out enough shit to find how to do such a use case (i.e. seamless, smooth web development) that to me feels reasonably common and expected.

Is there some tool that enables me to do *seamless*, pleasurable web development without the hassles of over-complication and over-engineering? Is there some hidden command for webpack that allows me to run such simple shit without ever needing to edit some pointless configuration file?

Please, I beg of you, let me know.

>be my team
>developing a mobile app
>I'm responsible for developing a "RESTful" API to interface communications between the app and the database
>there's also an "admin" web application which the client themselves will use to manage some shit in the database
>I've developed the API, it works with the mobile app
>instead of just making it simply a front-end app that makes requests to the API like the mobile app does, the guy responsible for the admin app completely ignores my API and implements his own with a certain messy dollar symbol language and a certain bloated piece of server software, accessing the same database directly, and does some operations in his own special way that will break what I've implemented
>now data inserted via admin app is inaccessible to the server API, and I'm expected to "fix" my code so it's consistent with this guy's shit, but the only way to do it is introducing interdependency between the actual API and the admin app's back end

Fuck my life, now I'm the one responsible for the app being broken because no way the guy who's used to kludging unmaintainable shit together fast would ever fuck anything up

Why the fuck don't you provision and configure the cloud virtual machine yourself, "web lead" guy who uses fucking WINDOWS to develop software? Why don't you install Webmin and PHPMyAdmin in the VM yourself if you like GUIs so much? Why do I have to configure Apache and MySQL and fix all sorts of little issues for your project just so you can use some shitty CMS? I'm not your fucking IT support guy. Go learn how to use Unix, take responsibility for your shit, and let me spend my time actually developing software.

I wrote a longer rant but fell asleep while trying to write it. I just wanted to say FUCK EMAIL. Fuck it all. It is cancer. Setting up a mail service for sending "forgot your password?" and registration confirmation type messages is one of the shittiest computer related tasks I've done in my entire life.

FUCK NVIDIA FUCK FUCKFUJCK FMUJCKFU IKC JCF THFUCKJ TEUFKCJ TUFKC TUCFKFD TFUCJ RUF FCUKC FUCK THEM ALL TO HELL

I'M WASTING MY GODDAMN FUCKIJJNG WEEKEND TRYING TO GET THE STUPID SHITTYAS SS GTX 1050 LAPTOP GPU TO FUCKING WORK on MANJARO AND IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL I'LL BE ABLE TO DO IT

FUCK THIS GODDAMN COMPANY

HEY, NVDA STOCK IS GOING DOWN SOON, YOU SHOULD ALL FUCKING SELL IT RIGHT NOW AND WARN OTHERS TO DO THE SAME