Friends don't let friends do Java. http://www.teale.de/images/java.jpg

When you are the go-to computer-guy

When the domain model you designed actually supports the next feature request!

pms always tell the higher ups that I"don't have passion". I don't know how to show passion for their photoshop mock ups, one line requirements with no definition of done, their talking for hours about "leveraging" and name dropping about the top brass they are schmoozing with. I just ask if we are going to show our MVP to real users and she morphs to the bride of chuckie. I say we ought to pair program and she says it cost double to make a feature. Testing and code reviews are taking too much time but they hover over your shoulder while you try to fix a "mission critical bug" that occurs because they wanted us to skip practices that could have prevented the bug. Woo I feel better now!

"The aim is to develop highly robust data streams so we have the flexibility to build and evolve the user interface without having to change code in the API"

Oh, is that all you need?

Paying bills on payday

System goes down in a meeting about how to make the system highly available.

Call internet provider to ask about a problem :
costumer service: in order to help you, I need to know what windows version do you use, Windows 8, windows 7...
Me: I use linux
Costumer service : I'm sorry, we don't provide support to Windows Linux