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I've learned that trying to jump into a project without properly understanding everything it will entail is bad.
I recently worked on a project that involved modernizing a legacy system and no one on the team (including me) fully understood how the legacy system worked. This led to us missing a lot of edge cases and attacking the project in a way that really wasn't beneficial overall.
If we had thought about the entire system beforehand and mapped out the legacy system, the project would've turned out much better.10 -
A Java Development vacancy I came across today:
Requirements:
Must:
° Appropriate Education
° Work Experience with Java/Javascript knowledge, at least 2 years, good understanding of OOP, patterns
° Experience with Spring, NoSQL(MongoDB)
Preferably:
° Experience with Tomcat/Jboss/Glassfish
° JDBC, JSF, JSP, JSTL, Angular, ExtJS
° HTML5, CSS3, XML, Jquery, Bootstrap, Primefaces
° Hibernate
° Git/SVN
Objective:
° Implementation of specific requirements
° Cooperation with business analytics and clarification of reuirements
° Participation in the development of application architecture and technology selection
Who are they hiring?51 -
I am Indian. I thought my parents had high standards then I looked at devrant's requirements for a stress ball.8
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Was looking at a Back End Dev job posting and one of the requirements is Photoshop.
.....
PHOTOSHOP8 -
Could the Web Developers here tell me which languages other than HTML, CSS and JavaScript should I learn if I want to be a full stack developer? I also know a bit of C#, if anyone is wondering.19
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Fresh out of college?
Entry-level?
Apply Here!
Junior Web Intern: 16k A Year!
Basic Requirements: HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Node, Angular, JQuery, Bootstrap, Backbone, Handlebars, D3, p3, CMS (WordPress, Wixx), PHP, Java (Android), C++(iOS), openframeworks, openGLSL, Cinder, failed at least two startups, 8086 assembly language.
Recommended requirements:
Git version control
Agile development
Must be able to display example of each requirement.17 -
- Password can't contain less than 3 chars
- Password can't contain more than 12 chars
- Password must contain only alphabetical and numerical chars
- Password must contain at least one uppercase letter
- Password can't contain a sequence of repetitive chars
- You already used this password in the past
- Password can't contain parts of passwords already used in the past
- Password can't contain your name, birthday or any other personal information
- Password can't be an anagram
- This password is too weak
"Remember that you have to update your password every 6 months".
Who the fuck has enough imagination to invent a new password that meets all these requirements every fucking 6 months?
And if so, how the fuck you can also remember it?
Fuck off… I don't really need access to my university account, right? 😡23 -
Requirements vs Delivery - Guide to Programming
This one is a killer and I've received it in multiple forwards in office email, and we always have a good laugh seeing this joke.
Client: “Our next requirement, and this is something big you know, we need an elephant”
IT Team: But why don’t you adjust with a buffalo, even it is big…. and black?”
Client: No, we need an elephant only, let me explain our current process……” (client explains for an hour)
IT Team: Fine, I understand your requirement. But our system supports only a buffalo…
Client:We need only an elephant!
IT Team: Ok, let me see if I can customize it for you”
Requirements are taken as follows:
Client wants a big black four legged animal, long tail, less hair. Having trunk is mandatory. The same was documented, signed off and sent to offshore for development!
At the Offshore Development Centre,
Design/Development – Based on requirement all features are supported in base product (as buffalo), for trunk alone a separate customization is done.
Finally the customization is shown to client:
2 -
Today i've met a big customer of our company
He was absolute friendly and gave me clear requirements without oppositions...
Then I woke up.5 -
When you see "Database must be encrypted with SHA1 or SHA2" in software requirements specification....
10 -
Customer: "Why doesn't the user interface have a night mode?"
Me: It wasn't in the requirements, it also doesn't have bouncing pink elephants, do you want me to add those in as well?9 -
# Day 0:
Me: "Hey boss, I want to let you know that I need this kind of information from the customer for these features, otherwise I cannot finish the project's milestone in two weeks."
Boss: "OK, just continue as far as you can get. We have to get this finished."
Me: "Well, I cannot go any further for these tickets. I need that input. Shall we leave them in todo?"
Boss: "OK."
# Day 7:
Boss: "Whe didn't you start on these tickets in todo?
Me: "As I have told you, I need some information."
Boss: "We gotta get this out of the door!"
Me: "Yes, if we want to meet the deadline, we should. Yet I cannot guess the feature. Also, let me create a column: `to clarify` and move that ticket there. As I have said: I need that information. You have to contact the customer about it and get their feedback.
Boss: "OK."
# Day 13:
Boss: "Why isn't this project finished? There are still tickets open."
Me: "You never provided the information I asked you about."
Boss: "I want an explanation not an excuses."
Me o_O: "This is the explanation. I was asking you on multiple occasions about the required feedback. You never provided it. See the columns name? It's called `to clarify`. We created it last time together. That clarification never happened even though I told you that I need it. I cannot do magic. I can only implement features, and while I can sometimes make intelligent guesses to their use cases, I rather implement their actual ones than my fictional ones.
Boss: "You should have told me."
Me: ಠ_ಠ9 -
There are a lot of things that could rank up as the worst about being a dev, such as recurring meetings, documentation, shitty requirements, pm gnats, Monday, etc...but something that truly ruins it all is NO INTERNET CONNECTION.
5 -
Set up an account at Wells Fargo today and they told me the password requirements... This is a joke right?
12 -
tl;dr stupid clients with their stupid requirements.
Client: (on Monday) hypothetically could you implement "A"?
Me: (on Monday) yeah I could do that by Friday, let me know if you want me to start it.
Client: (on Thursday) hey remember we talked about "A" well do "B" instead and I'll need it by Friday still.
Me: "B" is completely different than "A" and will take probably twice as long.
Client: but you told me you could do it by Friday.
Me: ............ I want to smash your face.4 -
Job Application :
Junior Developer, entry level position for new aspiring programmers.
Requirements :
5 years experience. :/3 -
Just last month we finished a big project for a client. The company had their lawyers make a contract to transfer ownership for the website to them.
One of the requirements was to deliver all code in a word file. And just that. In the whole contract was not a word about transfering the production environment to their servers. Or supplying a working version. The files and database. No just the word file.
As of today still wondering what they where planning to do with a word file with hunderds of pages of code.
Offcourse we deliverd a working version to their servers. But why are there people making decisions about things they understand nothing at all.16 -
You know your product manager is evil when you find this in the official product requirements documents.
8 -
Boss: Here's the next project that I would you to start immediately.
Me: So the client wants <Application Name>
Boss: Yes and it's due on Friday after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes can be done. By what time today you can give me the requirements.
Boss: Not today, I will give you the requirements next week Friday.
Me: So I should start the project next week Friday.
Boss: You have to start the project today
Me: Start with what? There is no requirement. Excuse me, I need a break.5 -
Note to self : when a client say "we want to develop 'exact clone' of SomeFuckingBigCompany" - Say NO.3
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Client: "We don't want line breaks in that column make it 500px wide!"
Me: Makes the column 500px wide. Sees that the line breaks are still there. Asks if it should be made wider to fit the text.
Client: "Just implement what we send you"
Me: Ok (thinking wtf)
Client after testing: "Why are there still line breaks?!?"
🙄😥😤😭
Why the actual hell can't they get there freaking requirements in order?!? This shit happens with every fourth request!10 -
Why everyone has an idea for an app like UBER? I have received a lot of these requirements this year, and then...
6 -
Requirements gathering is fun said no developer!!
P.S. Friday implies more time implies more devranting!!
1 -
Spending my 23rd birthday in a server room 700 km away from home, discussing the requirements for app deployment. Yep. Every dev's dream.15
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Started a new job.....
Requirements:
html
css.
jquery
bootstrap
First day:
BAM you have to work on angular🤦♂️10 -
Last year a random company hired me to develop an Angular app. One of the main requirements was that it needed to be compatible with IE6 cus thats what they were using internally... I accepted the offer...5
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You know the feeling when you deliver exactly what the requirement was and there were no more iterations and changes to those requirements after that??
No..?? Me neither..1 -
Im confused, this is the requirements for a IT Intern. Do I need experience in jQuery? Or QWERTY Keyboard? Or Both?
4 -
My boss gave me a project without any meaningful requirements and asked:
boss: can you finish this in 9 months?
me: well I really can't give you any estimate.
boss: well just do it.
8 months later I summarize all weekly requirements that the client has given and estimated I should be able to finish the project with just 3 months, if only the requirements are ready and not changing from time to time. What a f***ing waste of my time? Why the f*** people do this? And after all this my boss said:
boss: I think we should be able to finish this project faster.
YOU THINK!4 -
So I thought I will set up a PIN to make logging into the corporate PC easier. Hm... based on these requirements I can probably stick with password.
12 -
HR Requirements:
- Must have an active social life with hobbies and interests outside work.
Dev Requirements
- Must have an active GIT hub profile to the point that you couldn't possibly have a social life5 -
"PR rejected because you didn't do localisation"
"Wait, is that a requirement?"
"Yes"
"But there is no localisation in any of the 10 repos in this project!"
"Yes"
"So how do I know if I am expected to..."
"You don't, until I reject your PR"4 -
Password max length: 12 characters
Additional requirements: exactly 1 special character and exactly 2 numbers.8 -
When you're not funny nor miserable enough to post a good rant but you're still trying your best to get more ++ so you can get free stickers but the requirements keeps ++
I need to up my game :(4 -
I created account for posting this...
Fuck managers. They gave me requirements 2 weeks back. I completed them and showed them today. Now they (piece of shit) say it's not what they needed. If they aren't sure about requirements why the fuck you give requirements... Fuck...
Waiting for new requirements....1 -
Fuck software assurance.
Fuck functional specifications, fuck software requirements, fuck V-model bullshit documentation, fuck integration test plans.
Fuck trying to shoehorn waterfall requirements into what clearly was an interative development.
Fuck me for being a single dev handling all this bullshit by myself.3 -
Spent the last 3.5 days developing none stop for a client. Met all their additional deadlines and requirements.
It's been worrying me for for a month.
I'm now seriously happy and relieved.
3 -
Dev lead on another team: Ok we can build that API for the mobile apps, we'll generate everything, generate printable images for the labels, persist it all and do all the relevant lookups and checks. Do you need an SLA?
Director: Yes, 9ms
*silence*
Lead: Sorry .... 9ms?
Director: yeah, its a must have
Lead: ... the speed of light wouldn't even let us transmit it that fast18 -
I hate it when I don't have all the requirements or they are fuzzy and I'm asked to estimate the task/project.5
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If the requirements are this stringent in the job posting, I can't imagine how terrible it would be to work for this person.
9 -
When job requirements say:
Programming Languages:
CSS
Scrum
Git
jQuery
JSON
...who tf writes these requirements!?9 -
When you ask a client for website requirements and they respond by pulling out their phone, opening a random indie game and swiping around, saying "It should be dynamic and colorful, like this game."
3 -
I'd post my wk200 goals, but my project manager is still busy gathering requirements for it and creating the epics.1
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1. Read about software engineering/design patterns, tools etc.
2. Adopt information to my requirements
3. Write code
4. Delete my shitty code from point 3.
5. Goto point 34 -
So, among the ridiculously long list of password requirements, password is not case sensitive BUT it has to contain uppercase and lowercase letters?
17 -
boss gives me a new task that requires to rewrite quite a lot of the code to accomplish.
me: "it will take some time, I'll have to rewrite x, y, z... and it will require some rigorous testing too..."
boss: "so it'll take you 2 days?" (serious face)
you gotta be f-ing kidding me right?!1 -
Me: Are you sure you want this in the acceptance test procedure?
Lead: Yes.
Me: I'm just saying, we don't have any requirements for this feature so it doesn't really belong there.
Lead: Just put it in.
Me: Are you sure? It's a lot of work for something that isn't even required to be there.
Lead: Go do it.
Me: Okay.
*I do the work and it goes to peer review*
High ranking person from another team: I don't see any requirements traceability. Why is this in here if there are no requirements?
Me: WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GODDAMN QUESTION!?3 -
"The aim is to develop highly robust data streams so we have the flexibility to build and evolve the user interface without having to change code in the API"
Oh, is that all you need?
4 -
A legit internship advertisement I came across today:
- mobile app/wearable app/web developer in the field of AI, blockchain, AR, IoT and supply chain management
- multiple years of experience in object oriented programming with java and C#
- good experience with SQL
- experience in Kotlin is a plus
- Good experience with Android Studio, Visual Studio, ASP.NET, Android SDK
- Experience with SAP and Azure
- knowledge of Azure App services and git is a plus
- multiple years of experience in logistics and management
What on earth? This is a bloody internship, mind you.9 -
Today in annoying customers:
"I will not update the requirements with every single detail of our discussions, it will be quite tedious"
Way to go, lady.3 -
You know how we all get frustrated with new clients who don't provide enough information or detailed background of what the last dev did or tried?
Careful what you wish for. Just took on a new client who has sent 3 separate Word docs, all organized and color coded and fully detailed with the website's life history. All 24 pages of it.
We are supposed to fix the checkout flow and organize the download directory. That's all. -
Isn't it just nice to throw away hours of work because you were given wrong requirements?
I worked late last night to finish a project with an incoming deadline, and for what? That's right, for fucking nothing. Hours wasted. Just because I was told the form was to be submitted to an endpoint that I would receive later on.
Turns out that what I actually need to do is embed some form from a third-party service. So the form that I already implemented (with styles and logic) isn't needed. What's worst, I have to redo all the styles to match this embed form.
Thank you so much for that. 🖕Never again will I work late. I should have known better by now... -
Has this ever happened to any job applicant here:
Job requirements:
Java, angulaj js, TDD, node js and demonstrated usage of noSql DBMS.
You qualify for the job and only to find the work mainly requires php1 -
As everyone were posting about their interview experiences. Now it's time to understand job requirements properly. 😂
4 -
Had been hunting for a "modern" editor, mostly for browsing code and quick edits. Can't believe that the one that actually fit my requirements was Microsoft's VS Code. On Linux!14
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Looking for a job as a developer, any type of developer:
Requirements: all skills starting with letters A to M.
Nice to have: all skills starting with letters N to Z.
Well, thanks :/1 -
The moment when the product manager changes your requirements last minute and you have to change all of your code. 😑1
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Coming up to (very) tight deadline..
Manager - "Stick in a temporary fix, if the data is mocked out it will do for the demo. We really want to show this feature."
Me - "Okay, I"ll pick up the technical debt after the demo."
*Changes are coded and rolled out*
Manager calls me over to his desk..
Manager - "This feature isn't bringing back real data."
Do these kind of people exist in all companies?
2 -
Me asking my boss some deadline information through email: "Should this feature be added ASAP or delayed until the new year"
Him: "Yes"
Which one damnit?!7 -
that feeling you get when you think you still have a lot to do in a module
then you recheck the requirements and turns out you've already finished the module
2 -
Dear client:
You have to think this is like building a house, so you have to spend time doing some serious thinking, so you come up with a (somewhat) good vision of what you want and what could possible change in the future... let me give you an example: let's say we were building a house and we are very close to finishing it, so you come up with the great idea of putting the kitchen where the living room is, and the bathroom in the second floor where the TV room was... if that happens, then I would tell you to go fuck yourself.
See dear client... there are pipes, wiring, and all sorts of stuff you don't see, that makes a house be a house... apply the same logic to building software and we'll be on the same page more often.
PS: I appreciate your business2 -
Long story short: University fucked up single sign on.
For every online service I have, I set a different password, randomly generated ~ 20 characters long. At our university we have multiple systems but they offer a single sign on service which is quite nice because it is so non-transparent which service now uses which authorization. I changed my password a while ago and around the same time they also updated our mail client. Since then I am not able to log in which is not a big deal for me because I have mail forwarding.
Yesterday however I needed another service and also got rejected with my password. I knew from a friend that the passwords are fucked up and that some services have different restrictions (only 12 chars max.), so I decided to search how to reset my password. What the fuck was wrong with these people? It takes you five different pages to get the tiniest bit of information how to reset the password. Then on one page you can login with your single sign on and change the password. On that page you can also set the single sign on password, but if you enter an invalid password (in respect of the the other services) guess what? No feedback that you just locked yourself out of half the systems. Nice job. Also the password requirements are not next to the input fields where you change the password. Noo. That would be way to easy, remember the little small one line on the wall of text three pages ago? There you go.
Ok step one done. Now it should work, shouldn't it? Ohh no not so fast. One needs to activate the seperate service. Where you ask? Perfectly fine question. On the top of page four is a fucking one line table which looks like some five year old had some fun in excel. The button which takes you to the activation page is nearly invisible because of the non existing contrast. Also it is not a button but some arrow pointer thingy. Behind set arrow you have a page listing all differnt kinds of services, the description which you find on page two btw. No padding to decipher this shit what so ever. Nearly on the bottom is your needed button. Yes finally.
Finally I want to login, no good. Try again. Still no good. Go back to the fucked up excel table look at my username and think to myself what's the difference here? The table is so small and again no margin or padding. Apparently they cut of the last character of my normal username which i have which is fucking ridiculous.
What is wrong with you people, we are a TECHNICAL UNIVERSITY, is it so hard for you to find someone decend to unify this shit?2 -
Me: What filters would you like on this report?
VP: Here's the logic for the filter I want.
Me: Great! Anything else?
VP: Nope!
... Days of DB, ETL, and Report refactoring later ...
Me: Here's the updated report!
VP: Can we add this other filter?
Me: (You're welcome...) -
Client: "But why isn't it working. It should work"
Dev: "Sorry but it's not in your requirements"
Client: "But it should work"
fffockins 😡1 -
COO overcommited features to our client so now we have to do overtime until June so that we can save his ass.
Its his fault, why the fuck are we responsible for his incompetence.17 -
when a project manager asks for an effort calculation due to changed requirements, but the calculation itself takes longer than the implementation would...
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Gotta love it when you've just hit your pace with a project and then the requirements change...
Three times in a row...3 -
Have you ever talk with client and start coding and ui design in your mind while client explaining the requirements?4
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Give students opportunities to create beyond the course requirements. Think hackathons, clubs, department projects, etc. So many cs majors don’t do anything beyond schoolwork.2
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Oh, the requirements completely changed? That's cool. I'll just place all my work over here in this pile with the Sega Saturn, zune, and the batman vs superman movie... you know the "it could have been glorious, but it turned out to be complete garbage" pile
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I've traveled all the way from Chile to Ecuador to ask requirements for an already won project, just to find out it was already taken by a local company.
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So, I just created an account on a premium objective information website. It basically sells access to several articles on laws and general "financial relevant subjects". It is important for my work and they have pretty strict password requirements, with minimum: 18 characters length, 2 HC, 2 LC, 2 special, 2 numbers.
Without thinking twice, openned Keepass and generated a 64 length password, used it, saved it. All's good. They then unlocked my access and... wrong password. I try again... wrong password.
Thinking to myself: "No, it can't be that, maybe I only copied a portion of the password or something, let me check on CopyQ to see what password I actually used."
Nope, the password is indeed correct.
Copy the first 32 characters of the password, try it... it works...
yeah, they limit password length to 32 characters and do not mention it anywhere ... and allow you to use whatever length you want... "Just truncate it, its fine"1 -
THICK-HEADED FUCKNUTS!
I have absolutely no idea as to why these would ever be password requirements, can someone please try to explain WHY THE FUCK
6 -
When you are reading job requirements for a dev job and they put a shit ton emphasis on MS Office. I remember a phone interview where they asked skill level for Word, Excel and Outlook.7
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How the fuck is CLI a skill for job seekers?! And what's a Toolbox?
Apparently, recruiters write any Buzzwords they hear of! CLI is not even a Buzzword. How did it get there?
5 -
So let me get this straight... You want a Junior Engineer with experience?
Source: Moviepass Jobs.
5 -
Lately it seems that I end up knowing more about the client's requirements than the client themselves. Does it seem very weird as a developer for this to happen?9
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Two months of meaningless meetings and calls to assess "requirements" and three months worth of actual development work crammed into 3 weeks. Fuck this corporate bs. Agile my ass.
-
Client : I want an online store
Me: oh nice, send me your requirements document and a preferred website.
Client: 24hours later, sends me images of the products... wtf11 -
It was 3 months project, but it takes 9... bad management and the client changed his requirements every weekend. I quit the job after it.1
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FUUUUUCCCKKKK!!! I WASTED 2 WEEKS ON A PROJECT BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET THE RIGHT SPECS UNTIL THIS MORNING.......
I SPENT THE LAST 2 WEEKS BUILDING AND TRYING TO GET THINGS TO WORK THAT I DON'T NEED....2 -
I've heard about some of the ridiculous requirements that some companies have in job postings and always thought that they're probably over exaggerating a bit.
Holy shit was I wrong.
I've taken a look at the positions that they have posted for my coop program and while I understand that my college was not the only one posted to for these, they seem pretty extreme at times. There were a few postings that required several mountains of web frameworks and experience that unless you did a lot of self study prior or had previous professional work experience would have been impossible.
We're students, a lot of us have never touched an IDE prior to our program so to ask us for in some cases years of experience in a language or tool that I have never even heard of, nor have even been even vaguely mentioned by profs, seems a bit much. I have had years of experience in a fair variety of tools and languages but even for me this seemed a tad bit unreasonable. Not all of the postings require this much prior experience in the field so I can apply to some.
The professor teaching the preparation course says they can't understand why people apply for the coop program then don't apply to positions. While I understand there are people who might not apply due to laziness or an overflow of assignments, I feel like a good chunk just can't find any positions that they may be partially qualified for.4 -
Something I came across recently
"Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file." -- Louis Srygley1 -
Love it when PM/business adds a bunch of extra tickets on the last week of a 3 week spring.
Or
I love it when business sends you a requirement, you build it, then they add more requirements that contradict the original requirements1 -
Why would anybody do this?
Especially the last point
aaaaaab is already a lot more secure then 1234 but who cares, right?
8 -
i was staging the fucker site to deploy and get on with it, but now the requirements changed, and major redesign is needed
I'm payed by hour but this shit still infuriates me -
Hidden requirements. Hidden requirements EVERYWHERE.
So much for a hobby project for my student association2 -
Don't you hate those startup clients who just don't understand "please give us all your requirements as early as possible" and keep making revisions even after product is released? *cries in the corner*
-
That moment when agile means "I will sneak in new feature requirements in with your bug tickets even though our sprint is supposed to be only stabilization". Thanks PM Lord.
-
Having a complete front end and back end application where the frontend is designed to look as simple as possible.
A new potential customer wants to have our app and listens to a designer bragging that its just replacing 2 fields.
After a while our manager comes by and mentioned that everything needs to be done within a few weeks....
All devs lose their mind since in the backend we need to have like 8 external sources to connect and hundreds of business rules to implement.
How a single designer ruined the year for 7 devs....1 -
Film a documentary/reality television series chronicling how A. I.'s eventually self destruct trying to make sense of client requirements.
-
Monday
pm: anon we need this by Friday I will get send you the requirements.
Tuesday
Pm no show.
Wednesday afternoon
Pm: here are the requirements anon(literally only one sentence) wtf
Thrusday
Pm: can I test it anon.1 -
When you are trying to gather project requirements from other departments, but nobody responds to email because they are afraid to put anything in writing :(
-
Don't you just love it when you get a project with no requirements doc, so you make your own spec and requirements, start to architect and develop the project correct way, the 2 weeks later your manager comes to you asking why wasn't features XYZ not included and how you should add functionalities for A B and C...
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At the product backlog refinement the product owner told us (the devs) how the database model must be designed! He said he knows it best, because he knows all the requirements. 🙈4
-
PO: Is it done yet?
PO: Whats the status?
PO: Any progress??
My brain: Did we have requirements for this, or just a deadline2 -
Get a ticket for a low priority bug, reported internally. Fix the issue mentioned in the bug.
Moves to QA environment, the original bug reporter tests and *passes* the ticket.
Moves to Staging environment, same exact individual then *fails* the testing. Cites totally new/unrelated changes that need to be made.
Apparently our the workflow is -
Code->QA->Staging->Requirements
Makes sense! :)1 -
That moment when your company switches developers from salary to hourly to avoid paying anyone more and skirts the new federal requirements.7
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Sudden changes in requirements. Business now wants a switch for this whole fucking project. They knew this fucking months ago and decided to tell us now. What the frikkity truck I just can't even2
-
...a project with well defined requirements that doesn't change shape every day making useless any attempt to define a solid code structure...my dear client I can do all you want but you can't change your ideas every 10 minutes
-
It's gotten to the point where I am legitimately impressed when I can tell a service is hashing their passwords.
All of these unnecessary complications of "must not have more than 2 of the same character in a row" but "can't be more than 12 characters" requirements make me think that the passwords are being saved in plain text.
Amazon and Dropbox do it right - present the user with an input box and no requirements printed anywhere.9 -
My boss uses agile development so he doesn't has to think about use cases he wants to be covered by the application.
He's just throwing in a "design" (an image that is probably created with Paint) without any further specifications and inconsistent elements, let the developer work two days on it, see the outcome, complains why it's not how he wanted it to be and then starts thinking how the feature should be integrated in the app and notices that his "requirements" from the image could not provide any advantage or usage at all for the user of the application. Asking for clarification before starting to work just leads to spongy statements or silence when he notices that he didn't think through to the end.
Sad is that this has not happened only once but is usually the way a new feature is developed...1 -
Ah yes, I'd be happy to completely change the thing I'm working on, that is now unrelated to how you originally described the task to me.1
-
I just got an email from the project manager:
"Hi Team,
Please make sure to review the 7/12 sprint requests for (x project). Please add your estimates even if the requirements are ambiguous. Thank you."3 -
I save all my work relate passwords in a single text file on my computer. I always have it open too.
Too many systems, too many password requirements, expires too frequently.1 -
!rant
Nothing worse than recieving little to no documentation/requirements on a project, garbage in = garbage out...1 -
When you're the only one in your team understanding git and knowing all the requirements: haven't programmed for weeks, just fixed branches and answered questions -.-
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Describe one instance when you thought, "Fuck this shit, I'm done with this client". Preferably when the client came up with stupid/impossible requirements10
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When marketing gets overly excited about analytics requirements and you have more code in a page for stats than actual functionality
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During requirements gathering:
Listening.
Writing requirements as stated.
Not designing in my head.
Asking leading questions that validate said faux design. -
Through a strange series of events, my job has led me to looking at an uncompressed image of atv riders taken in 2004. This career field might be the most full of rabbit holes to go down.3
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Our main client asked us to create internal totalizator for upcoming soccer world cup. One of variables was to support all employees (about 10k) from Europe without performance issues, ok PHP seemed enough for this task.
So, we almost finished implementing it and had a call with the client. He told us that now we need to support all employees around the world (over 100k).
And they don’t even have a budget for it...5 -
Fun day at work.
Client sends me requirements over WhatsApp voice notes.
Says he can't send email because hes too tired.
His Requirements don't make sense.
I figured out what he wanted and then rewrite the requirements using simple language and less jargon.
Hes not happy. I reduced two paragraphs of his "requirements" to a single sentence which make more sense.
His voice notes seem like rambling.
Ugh.
He comes up with features for this webapp that cannot be tested unless you build the companion app which is coming up later.
Now he wants us to design the screens for the app which we will have to use our designer for.
Expensive. Considering most of his app is not completely thought out.
I have no idea what to do now.
We still haven't completed the requirements.1 -
Reminder, include legal language in next project that says if we're using JIRA then we're using JIRA and not a thousand emails with requirements embedded in spreadsheets and PowerPoints.
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a first time project owner sets up weekly requirements meetings for a new project. everyone has input, but the project owner. 4 months into building the application to the requirements gathered, the project owner says, that's not at all what I want. 4 months wasted3
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Getting requirements from my dad for a brochure for his company.
"Just make a pdf, 5-6 pages"
"You can take the pictures from these other two pdfs"
"Write some good sentences"
....
Help me.4 -
Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file ;)......!
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Why is there no VueJS job requirements in my area? It is all about Angular and React. Quite sad my favorite JS Framework is not a favorite here.
Guess I'll be forced to study Angular or React for job requirements purposes only *sigh* 😩 It is like - forced eating the only available food that you don't like in order to survive. Oh well supply and demand.
I haven't seen any VueJS requirements yet in all the job posts that I browsed 😕11 -
Got a pretty epic message yesterday:
"Hi, I just had a friend on phone and we got a rather "simple" idea for a website.
Just a user ID and a password users would pay for. Then they would get access to their videos.
We are willing to pay 350 bucks for a working version and up to 680 depending on the result at the end of the project.
Know anyone that could be interested? Or would you be?
Have a good night. "
Solid.5 -
You tell them this design is going to be complex, do we really need it?
They say yes.
We come up with the solution with lots of hair loss.
They say, "this looks really complex, But we are glad you came up with this".
Nuf said.1 -
why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.1
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I read alot of rants where people describe that they had to implement things they know were wrong and later the boss complained about it although its what he said.
My requirements engineering professor always told us to document everything. Every change made to the requirements must have the source and the reason written down. Idealy with some sort of signature from the boss.
But i understand its not always that easy or done. Which is kinda sad. -
Been developing a "3 months planned" project for almost a year now because PM cant say no to requirements, ive been finding previously disabled functionalities that client is asking for again, i think this is never going to end...
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Just noticed a job description.
"You have excellent skills in JavaScript, HTML, CSS and backend development with PHP and MySQL. You also have experience developing for iOS and Android."
Are these requirements realistic?3 -
-Me lvl22
-Writing engineering thesis
-Have two W10's, because of requirements for HoloLens emulator
-Turn off computer
-Run it again and bootloader doesn't loading
-Heart attack guaranteed4 -
Does anyone here reject a requirement because there exists no elegant solution to it and you shall die before writing spaghetti code?🤔6
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If you apply for a job advertising 35,000-45,000 and get offered 26,000 how would you handle it? If you meet the requirements and pass there test.17
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Development planning:
Expectation:
Gather the requirements then estimate the deadline.
What are clients did:
Here is the deadline, then here are the requirements that we must squeeze into it.1 -
An application which can read your requirements documentation and use GitHub README's to seamlessly integrate different projects to give you the output. 😎
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Why are the requirements changed at the end of the day and make the developers work all night. I am not your goat.2
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The moment of decision whether to hardcode something or keep it dynamic ...cause knowing your clients ...they're definately gonna come back with more requirements
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Clients and their ever changing requirements!
When will they learn to fully explain what they want and commit to those features 😪2 -
I hate when they give new people that don't know the software the job to update requirements. We used to have 2 use cases that touched a functionality. Now we have three. The requirement was added for the third case. He held us up bitching that that the newly added requirement for Case 3 didn't include Case 1 and 2. Dude. That shit has been in the software for 4 years. Those requirements were written by requirements guys that are better than you. Don't waste my time with semantics. Only I'm allowed to waste my time on semantics.
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Today is day two of User Acceptance Testing for one of our biggest and most complicated developments.
Today is also the day the requirements were agreed.
Somebody, somewhere is taking the piss. -
Almost out of highschool, looking at the requirements for programming jobs is terrifying. I can't afford college but almost every job needs a bachelor's. Hoping for a company that sees the value of training from the base level5
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"You are fired!"
Is what I wanted to sent to all clients and third parties involved in the project. Stop making your problems my problems. My systems are ready, properly tested and well documented. Stop changing the requirements and stop adding requirements until you are sending valid requests to my API.1 -
Is disaster recovery capability to meet business requirements and testing it part of your new system implementation roadmap?
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I would have liked to complete a task this week, however the one thing I've been working on has it's requirements changed every time I finish.
I get that things change, but all of this extra logic is far too complex for the issue at hand, and I don't have time to do other assigned things due to how laborious and intensive testing for this part of the application is. -
Break it down into stages- elaborating on requirements, frontend/backend work, testing, etc. Then pull the numbers out of my arse.
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I was planning to buy a new laptop.. any suggestion...
requirements:
i7 7th gen
16gb ram
1tb storage
OS anything other than windows.
good to have:
128gb ssd15 -
Motherfuck oh clients! My goodness their requirements.
They want a tiny part of an app load inside an iframe in a different app and have the data communicate both ways and the ui should look seamless and mobile responsive too.
What the actual fuck? iframe in 2016 ? Seriously?5 -
Question to all those who have worked with software architecture: What is your approach when implementing architecture and design into actual software?
I find it very hard to translate UML diagrams and architectural requirements into working code and I feel like there is quite a big "gap" between the two. How to you breach that gap and manage to maintain a clean and comprehensive architecture in your project folders?11 -
Refinement story from PO: can see soft deleted user data, that shouldn’t be possible
Dev: can’t replicate
PO: it’s common to soft delete user directly from database.
What the fuck?4 -
Stop staying “.... or whatever” or “pull blah, blah, blah” when discussing requirements. What you say, we will build. If you honestly don’t care what we build then let us end this call and we can make it up.1
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When your boss gives you shit requirements, its time to write shitloads of "if else" to return the result.3
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When you code for a long time nonstop, say 2hrs+, do you remember exactly what you did, other then it now works and meets all the requirements?3
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When you get tickets assigned to you, does it have all the requirements & acceptance criteria? I don't, and it's seriously difficult to know when you've finished a piece for work3
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Life would be a lot better if the client's requirements won't change abruptly on the last minute of deployment
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Systems guy: this is how you slow down development projects. By tying design to a software development ticket.
Software guy: yeah but that's how you get reminded to do the work and tie a design requirement to the software development effort in the ticket.
Systems: why do I need to be reminded of my design work?
Me: because you're a year behind software and at this point you are just documenting what software has already done?
Sometimes I feel like the design guys don't understand that if they want to be involved in the process they need to NOT keep us waiting until right up against the deadline to give us the design. -
The worst is having to rewrite/refactor another person's implementation either due to not follow the requirements or specifications and having made something completely different or useless.
But recently is having to re-explain what needs to be done or what the requirements are.2 -
When the project manager complained about how you are late for the deadline, but the keep on adding on new requirements unrelated to the initial goal. OTL
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School software development project in a nutshell:
You will need to gather the requirements from us by ways of an interview, built the documentation for it, we'll sign it and that's what you have to build.
...
We were supposed to get that signature 3 weeks ago, but they decided to not sign yet because they want to make late changes to the project whenever they want, yet we have to finish the build of this in 7 weeks... Seriously? That's what we have to work with.
Any working devs that recognize this situation at work and not at school?3 -
On all job descriptions there seem to be so many requirements. Do you really have to know everything in order to get the job?2
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I hate requirements. I just want to code. Maybe I should call myself an abstract developer. You don't know what you're going to end up with when I start coding.3
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FUCK YOU, Lastpass. By all means, look for the passwords I use to match your master password. But when I type that password mistakenly, don't assume it's the one I use.
BRB, GOTTA ROTATE MY PASSWORD AROUND YOUR STUPID REQUIREMENTS.6 -
Just finished my first and only software engineering course. God if I majored in this I may have actually died of boredom. How do you guys deal?3
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What (realistic) requirements would you need to run windows 10pro OS with kali linux on a VM for pentest/ coding environment ONLY. no gaming etc. ?
Im starting my software development school soon, and im needin a new laptop.
Any requirements/ good to know appreciated from you old time code gods5 -
Start coding a project for version 7.x, everything works in tests. Deploy it on the server and it doesn't work. Checks version and turns out it is 6.x, ask my manager why didn't he tell me before, he goes like so what, do it for all versions.
I go wtf -
just read about Zeno's paradox and realized, this is our life!!
The client sets requirements, we code them within n time. by the time we finish it, the client sets new requirements. so we code them again, but by the time we finish it, more requirements are set.
will we ever be able to finish it all? that is the paradox.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...1 -
When the project manager decides to change the ux of a project with out informing you and your half way through with original requirements.
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Can someone plz tell me that are subjects like OOAD(object oriented analysis and design) or requirements engineering actually useful in real projects and jobs...?3
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TLDR, need suggestions for a small team, ALM, or at least Requirements, Issue and test case tracking.
Okay my team needs some advice.
Soo the powers at be a year ago or so decided to move our requirement tracking process, test case and issue tracking from word, excel and Visio. To an ALM.. they choice Siemens Polarion for whatever reason assuming because of team center some divisions use it..
Ohhh and by the way we’ve been all engineering shit perfectly fine with the process we had with word, excel and Visio.. it wasn’t any extra work, because we needed to make those documents regardless, and it’s far easier to write the shit in the raw format than fuck around with the Mouse and all the config fields on some web app.
ANYWAY before anyone asks or suggests a process to match the tool, here’s some back ground info. We are a team of about 10-15. Split between mech, elec, and software with more on mech or elec side.
But regardless, for each project there is only 1 engineer of each concentration working on the project. So one mech, one elec and one software per project/product. Which doesn’t seem like a lot but it works out perfectly actually. (Although that might be a surprise for the most of you)..
ANYWAY... it’s kinda self managed, we have a manger that that directs the project and what features when, during development and pre release.
The issue is we hired a guy for requirements/ Polarion secretary (DevOps) claims to be the expert.. Polarion is taking too long too slow and too much config....
We want to switch, but don’t know what to. We don’t wanna create more work for us. We do peer reviews across the entire team. I think we are Sudo agile /scrum but not structured.
I like jira but it’s not great for true requirements... we get PDFs from oems and converting to word for any ALM sucks.. we use helix QAC for Misra compliance so part of me wants to use helix ALM... Polarion does not support us unless we pay thousands for “support package” I just don’t see the value added. Especially when our “DevOps” secretary is sub par.. plus I don’t believe in DevOps.. no value added for someone who can’t engineer only sudo direct. Hell we almost wanna use our interns for requirements tracking/ record keeping. We as the engineers know what todo and have been doing shit the old way for decades without issues...
Need suggestions for small team per project.. 1softwar 1elec 1mech... but large team over all across many projects.
Sorry for the long rant.. at the bar .. kinda drunk ranting tbh but do need opinions... -
"we don't care about the statement of work or that you've fulfilled it. We want <insert massive list if unrelated and unrealistic requirements here>."
Yeah, we'll eat a bullet you ham-fisted, knob gobbling buffons. -
Going to the job fair as a junior and seeing the requirements makes me want to quit. How am I supposed to to get enough experience as a student?! Time to get back to my personal projects!4
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The A.I. will still be decades away from being able to communicate with users. I will translate user's requirements to the A.I.
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Rant:
My jupyter notebook has outgrown itself on some real world trading data analysis and its becoming a pain to add to (further) and share.
Need to find better alternatives, web apps where are you?
But i know nothing about it. Learning curve ahead!
Requirements:
I've 7 interactive dashboard plots (from some data) in jupyter-notebook.
- It'd be nicer to have a web app to use them without running notebook from a different location.
- Or running notebooks remotely (running as daemons on host machine).
Any suggestions for a starter ?
rant before requirements, coz rants lead to better requirements.
if rant++:
make_requirements(what_something)
do_work(that_something)8 -
When the business tries to tell you how you should code the project when they know nothing about coding let alone the actual requirements.1
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developers and product owners talk two completely different languages...
that'ws one thing, but when they not are answering my emails about elaborate their requirements...
that makes me frustrated! -
Writing requirements for an university project. I am boring! I want to code. But it should be done :(3
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When someone gives you a requirements document that has too many details including table names that do not fit your convention but doesn't give a simple breakdown of things such as when x = y do this.
My job is so much more complicated since the requirements document is almost 3k words when it could be a few paragraphs. -
Coming up with tests that show we have met the requirements on the project, some of the requirements are "Use method X" to perform this computation, boss says "we can't simply refer to the documentation/source code demonstrating that this method is used" ... WTF....
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Don't you hate the subjectiveness of functional requirements and no functional requirements? I'm the only one?
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We go to see a customer for a small project, probably 1/2 month dev and few thousand $, basically a small member page for a small local club.
"We want something exactly like this" he says. He opens the browser, logs in Linkedin, I wait.
"Something like this" he repeats.
I finally understand.
Well - I say- Login page and profile picture upload, yes we can do it...2 -
Cordova: "Requirements check failed for JDK version (requires 1.8.0 or greater)"
Also Cordova: "Detected version: 11.0.2" -
A second questionable alternative is pretending to be coding when yoi're not. Put an old program listing on the corner of your desk. Then go right ahead and develop your requirements and architecture without your boss' approval
Code Complete -
This currently project I'm working on is taking a turn for the worse. I keep finding missing features from the designs, but then also the project manager remembered that there were these other requirements that were needed. She only remembered after I raised an issue about another problem because NOTHING has been written down. A wireframe is NOT a fucking requirements document.
So now I have to refactor 2 major components just to include this sudden new requirement. I really hope I don't work with this project manager ever again on any future projects. -
Why user requirements are ever so uncleare defined that there are a new Button Color or a complete ui redesign a possiblity 😤1
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Send spec to client. Client signs spec. Work proceeds. But they didn't tell us all the requirements. After client has internal struggles between their own staff.. they send us the extra requirements that could affect how things have been developed.
It's like people don't think things through... /Sigh.2 -
The part with those goddamn change requests on top of the requirements that were never fucking stated correctly in the first place.
Hate that part, because the customer is always right!
Always right, my ass. Fucking asshole dickheads. -
A friend outsourced a project to us with partial requirements. We developed it as per the requirements and submitted the app and admin portal to his client. I was aware of certain critical features missing in the requirement. Generally we provide an admin portal to manage the backend of the app, but in this project a backend was to be made but the adding or modifying users section was not mentioned in the requirement. My team presented the project and convinced them to create or modify users writing SQL queries on the production DB (they are sales guys with no technical knowledge)
P.S - we won't be responsible for any DB errors :P -
what linux distro should i try next?
requirements:
- cool
- good design
- comes with typical software and wine
- apt not yum
i was thinking elementary, zorin or kali27 -
Adhering to Apples million and one icon requirements, including the 1px size difference icon and then reading "@3x about 66 pixels" Implementing the million different icons into the application only to find that it's using the smallest one anyway...1
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What are the minimum PC specs you feel comfortable with for development? Of course app development and anything medium sized and up with an IDE needs decent specs, but I'm wondering about the lower end of the spectrum. Scripting things and such.2
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I hate it when implementation takes less time than business analysis. If you cannot refine requirements after years of discussions, make Earth a favour and shoot yourselves. Do not force me to implement something that you will probably never use.
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That feeling when you accept a simple project and when you almost done the client requirements escalate quickly. *crying*
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