Beginning of a Hackaton and the CTO calls everyone up and tries to instigate everyone with this gem:

"Challenge yourself and what we have. For example, instead of AWS use Swagger."

🤨
Nobody says anything but has the same WTF expression ... How do these person become tech lead?

Giving a tensorflow workshop and the thing people struggle the most is the Linear Algebra behind it... it is only gradients in tensor and some matrix multiplication.

My recommendation is: do you want to work with Deep Learning algorithms? Y'all need Linear Algebra, not PhD, just a bit!

I am on holidays and because of devRant I found out about gitLab...
I am sweating and in panic but no one from work called me yet.
Then I realised, this is my first vacation without laptop and work phone in years.

I think I will get back to work 10 days from now and it will like: "Hey!! Can you sit and fix this? We've been waiting for 2 weeks"...

FUUUUUUU!!

Yay! Professional ranter now on phone and together with GCP, devops amsterdam, elastic and others!

!rant

This year marks our 5th anniversary of devopsdays in Amsterdam and the whole team is working hard on making it the most awesome experience of 2017 for anyone interested in the devops movement. :)
I really believe this will make us be less frustrated and rant less! Though, I never want this app to end! =]

But what is an amazing conference without amazing talks? That's where you come into the picture. We have spots open for talks (lightning and non-lightning) and workshops.
If you feel like you have a valuable devops story to share please fill in our CfP here - https://devopsdays.typeform.com/to/... .

You can expect about 300-400 people at a talk and somewhere between 10-30 at workshops.
When is it? 28th-30th of June (2017)
Why Amsterdam? Amsterdam is pretty cool. We make it extra cool and make sure you're never hungry or thirsty.

Hope to see you there!
And I need to see devRanters there to share the best stories!

❤️️ on behalf of the Amsterdam organizers.

1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 1

I was excited about a Hackathon... got there and the theme was REGEX! Just kill me already!

I was on call with a colleague. A very quiet guy that always made the weirdest commentaries.

Anyhow, I received a message about a datacenter issue. Checked everything and it seemed a load balancer failure, so one of us should go to the datacenter (it was Saturday).

My colleague volunteered and after 4 hours I still could not see the changes. He wasn't replying the messages or anything.

I ran to the office, saw his phone on the table and went to the datacenter.

I open the door and the crazy dude is banging 2 chicks (paid version) on the room, bottle of vodka around... he gets scared and threatens to throw water and vodka on the blades if I fire him. I am so speechless that he calms down, I fix the balancer and we go home...

I was so pissed and impressed... I had to fire him. He didn't show up on monday and resigned. I still told the CTO and we could see the videos of his experience on the cctv... funny dude...

"90's kids are impatient developers and change job too often" is a phrase I hear often from other managers... The thing I always tell is, generations will clash and yea, we grew up wanting to work in awesome places developed by the marketers mind. How can we reach a better agreement? I have no idea!
Just want to wish you all a merry Xmas and keep on ranting!!

Doing a python code review after working in Scala is all:

"Why the loop? Can you just put a function here and... oh yeah, right... python does not allow it. I could have written these 20 lines in 4 if was Scala"

Scala, stop spoiling me!!

A medical equipment that you can attach to employees and excruciatingly kill them as soon as they say things like (please note that the list is not limited and we should use a speech to text API to provide NLP states for the meaning - I want to catch all false negatives!! Kill them all!!!!):

- It works on my machine
- I tested it before!
- Haskell is a terrible language
- Big data and actionable insights
- why do you need unit tests here?
- I am a recruiter
- Anything that comes with the following construction as well: "I don't have anything against X, but..."

Any other suggestions of phrases?

Everyone excited discussing a new data access API to provide to the clients when, le boss:
"Just so you guys think out of the box a bit. What if you deployed the API on Swagger instead of AWS? It seems a nice and fresh approach, huh?"

Everyone on the room remained in silence and internally questioning why do we work here...

My source of rants in Scala.
Why the fuck the binaries are not compatible?
Every major update is a nightmare!

Fuck this short jackass asshole fucker fucking sales director that keeps promising features in no fucking feasible time just for his fuck fucking commission! Then the fucking cocksucker CEO enters the room on a Friday saying: "We will build this because we can't lose this client."

We never fucking had the client you giant asshole piece of shit! He just fucking lied on the demo and we have to deal with that!!! Tired of this shit

Database lost connection to the application.
Chaos.
Anybody did anything on the network?
Silence.
Go to datacenter and start reviewing cables.
Nobody touch anything on the weekend? Really? It is not possible...
45min later looking into connectivity tracing... I just overhear:
"I just changed a switch, but nothing else. This is probably the DB having a hiccup."

Ughhhh! I hate our cable network maintenance!!

Not a rant...
Anybody has a Safari Books subscription? Is it worth it?
Does any other service to recommend that provides updated manuals and tutorials?

Sometimes the new tools and frameworks have so bad manuals that I enjoy the O'Reilly books... even on early released.

Start a new job.
It is amazing.
What, you will not pay my JetBrains? Ugh... cheap boss.
Do you call this scrum?
Now I need to build this dumbass feature.
Wait, all the seasoned people are leaving?
Why did I choose this place at first?
Linkedin.
Interview.
This sounds awesome.
Good salary.
Bye guys.

Start a new job...