I'm stuck.

Quitting smoking/scrolling/youtube/other unhealthy coping mechanisms, taking my prescriptions and exercising every day made my mind free — now it's unobstructed, clear and not hindered in any way.

The problem is, without constant coping, my memory turned into a minefield. I can't think freely, as I constantly stumble upon trauma after trauma that make my heart physically hurt.

With clear mind, I now clearly see what used to lurk in shadows, and I'm terrified of it. I won't go back to smoking and watching youtube ten hours a day.

What should I do?

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    Develop better/healthier coping mechanisms, have a life-changing experience or do something for others. Can do all of them at the same time, or just a single one, but can’t think of any other alternatives.
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    Keep vaping like a maniac! It's awesome, everyone thinks you're the coolest on the block! Switch the cat videos for dog videos. Cats are lame. Drink your second alcoholic beverage this year. Do a lucid kiki dream
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    Laying in bed right now. Also didn't smoke for three days. About to go to supermarket. Will I get some sigarettes? Doubting. I don't think so. Currently lurking on some bad vape stick that doesn't count...

    But imagine, how freaking nice a sigarette will taste after days.

    I wish - that I was able to do ONE a day. Would prefer it above quitting. But do you know anyone who can do that?

    Only reason I want to quit is to see if I can tbh. Killer motivation huh?
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    Do not vape.

    Its pretty much as toxic - if not even worse - than smoking.

    Depends I think what you like?

    Gym / Hiking / Crossfit / climbing / ... if you're a body type,
    gardening / painting / drawing / writing ... if you're more "artistic",
    food kitchen / helping out in an elders home for example ... if you're more social,
    maybe join a chess club / pen & paper / cardboard game group.

    Lots of different things.
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    @IntrusionCM I have hobbies, but they don't seem to clear the minefield. I still step on mines
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    @retoor a while ago, I lit a plastic bottle on fire and inhaled the smoke. Then, I forcefully made my brain associate that experience with smoking and vaping. Now thinking about inhaling smoke — any smoke — triggers my gag reflex.
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    @kiki in that case, you quitted smoking! Congrats!

    Also nice - sucking from a burned vaping coil. Throat burn
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    Find a Loving partner
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    @kiki face it all, and defeat it.

    It will be an onslaught, grueling and gruesome. You will get beat up and you will hit the floor, but you are not allowing yourself to be defeated once again. So you WILL get up, you WILL face it and punch all the traumacausers in the face again and again and again until there is nothing left but blood and bits of sick.
    Then you will finally stand over them, laying on the ground beaten to a pulp, and you will tell them: "Woe to the vanquished" and kill them without mercy.

    You will then, be free of the weight of their inflictions, you will have reclaimed yourself.
    You will then be finally the owner of your life once again, as it should have been.

    /t trauma survivor with battle scars
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    @NeatNerdPrime 👏👏👏👏
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    I couldn’t have said it better. I’m experiencing something very similar as I reckon with my own substance management.

    We must accept that the past is out of our control. We must access what of the present is in our control. We must examine what actions we can take to self actualize the defeated visions of the past with the controllable elements of the present and future.
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