Sorry if I'm being spamy, but this is really urgent.. For those of you who haven't read my situation, you can read about it here: https://patreon.com/colorsofapril/

tldr:
I'm broke, I can't work (mental reasons), and I'm about to be kicked out of where I live...

Even worse, my sister (whom I'm staying with) tells me last night that she's out of money as well, and our balence is almost out for our power.. (Thus, our power will go out soon if we don't get some money... in winter...)

I'm getting really worried now 3:

If you are able, please consiter sending me a donation via paypal (not Patreon atm, because they will hold it until January)

http://paypal.me/TheCyaniteProject

Sorry for the spam...

There's a setting you can change in patreon that makes it so people get charged the exact moment they pledge to you.

🍀🍀🍀 and big hugs. Hang in there.

@FrodoSwaggins

I can't stand being around more than one person at a time.. I can't talk on the phone.. (projessinally.. For some reason I can manage if it's with friends.. I guess it has to do with importance) and I have a horrible time figuring out what people want from me, without step-by-step instructions, or someone to guide my every step of the way.

I also have Servere ADD, and Minor Dyslexia.

I'm consitered mentally disabled by the state.

@RealKC

Ohh really? I'll look into that, thanks~

@FrodoSwaggins

Thanks for your help~ <3

I'm in one of those moods today.. I read your message and then suddenly started to cry when I checked paypal about the same time.. q.q

Cheer up! Can't send the money, but I am sure you can overcome. Think in the bright side, and NEVER try to think or do dark side stuffs (y'know, relating to life and death)

@CozyPlanes

Never even crossed my mind. I have some.. Unusual beliefs, which go against the things you are referencing.

Be a darknet vigilante and blackmail some terrible people who are seeking terrible things. Kidding... kinda. But get creative! A lot of us are on hard times, I hope things improve. You can overcome your problems. Im not speaking as a fortunate person on a high horse either, like I said, a lot of us are in bad spots. I hope you get what you need on here, but even more I hope you realize that life has interesting ways of testing our breaking points. Do little things that energize your mind and excite you, whether that’s watching TED videos, fixing some smaller problems just for endorphin rush (seriously, it works) or just engaging in conversation like this with people who take the time to talk to you. It might keep sucking for a while, but keep fighting the battles you can win and you’ll gain enough XP to level up and defeat the real boss issues. If you want to talk I’d be happy to!

@agaskins

Was genially tempted to create a WannaCry clone using my encryptor (anyone who'd get caught would be fucked, (takes 5secs to encrypt a file with 20,000 characters in it.. binary included) but I could genially undo the damage.. for a fee...)

Your story makes me realize how good of a life I got and how big my support system is. I really wanted to help more, but I hope it will help you at least a little.
Sending a huge hug your way!

@blancobloc

<3

@Cyanite hey, if they’re doing something generally despicable like KP sickos... why not blackmail them? Good for you; good for society ;)

@blancobloc

You get peelers for being a student? Here one usually just gets crippling debt.

@agaskins

Yeah, but funny enough, if they get caught, I could get in more trouble then them! (Failing to report them + blackmail + anything else I did (i.e hacking))

@agaskins

(Going under the assumption you mean what I think you mean..)

I could get officially marked as a pedophile for not reporting someone I know has KP. (A second degree mark, or whatever the equivalent is in this case..) on top of that I would get a mark for blackmailing.

This is while blackhatting is baddddd.....

@Cyanite well yeah, but that’s part of the rush! :P [hope it’s obvious I’m kidding around tho, don’t do it haha]

@Cyanite but really that joke in my op wasn’t the part I intended for you to focus on haha

@agaskins

I'd rather continue "Project Cold-Fire" (closed-source for now)

If I did use it, I would only get a minor mark for cyber crimes. And potentially theft. But, I'd probably just sell it.

@agaskins

I tend to focus on everything and nothing at the same time!

Isn't ADD wonderful... XD

@Cyanite I knew I liked something about you :P also been dealing with It, for 37 years now myself. Most of them without meds.

@agaskins

I just stopped a med trial.

Anti-ADD/ADHD meds give me horrible side-effects, so I was on something for sesures that reduces ADD behavior and increases memory and stuff as side effects. It worked a little, but it also seemed to have made some other things (like my anxiety) worse, so I had my doctor take me off of it. We will try something else soon.

it's Christmas, and no one deserves to be out in the cold.

I wish I could be there with you man, but here is a good news, on Christmas day Jesus was born so that we can be free from our chains, I feel you man I've been there to some level of mental issue..... GOD loves you and wants to free you and care for you, just come to Him because His always there waiting to set you free!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤗🤗🤗

@Cyanite that's been my experience as well, the side effects always seem to outweigh the improvements (if any). And panic is the worst to deal with! I'm so sorry! Everyone throws that term around a lot these days, but once you have a true 'panic attack' you realize it's a whole other beast all together. It a shame it doesn't have a better name, as seems to have become synonymous with 'being stressed out' in many people's minds, but as you know, that's not even close to what it is. There should be a panic attack ribbon... I have compassion for anyone that has to deal with true panic attacks :( :( :(

@agaskins

I think mine are actually anxiety attacks (which are similar but not quite the same I've heard)

I essentially have an emotional breakdown. I start to cry uncontrollably, I can't catch my breath. And the dizzyness.. I feel so unbalanced when it happens, like I might fall if I don't clutch onto something near me.. And I get this weird thing that's similar (but also not quite..) to hickups that I only ever get during an attack, which makes it harder to breathe.

@FrodoSwaggins

Well, that's not a medication, right? It's a gas. Totally different.

@Cyanite
diziness, lightheaded, unbalance, sudden increased heart rate. I had the same one fine morning after prod deployment. I went to therapist twice but I got better by hanging out with friends and people that make me comfortable, study slow and passed an exam, took a scuba holiday and told the dive master my condition so he took me to an easy check dive at first.

Then I got myself back, feel recovered.

Pls pls pls... hold on to something you like but don't let it kill you, be around people that makes you feel comfortable and safe, sleep and eat well.

I know it sounds cliche but those eastern / Buddhist audio books in the self-help section actually did help me. I got in to that when I was in my early teens and even though it's become cliche these days I believe there's a lot to meditation and they way they nurture the mind to heal the body. Just throwing it out there... I have some books on CD I could possibly let you "borrow"... in like mp3 format maybe, lol. But if it's not your thing I totally understand. I got laid off and lost my house a while ago... If I had more than this to help you with I would.

@FrodoSwaggins Anxiety can affect your adrenal glands!? Anxiety is bad and all but didn't knew it could fuck up your system too.