Me installing Arch with zero Linux knowledge...

That's the best time to install arch imho. You learn a lot.

This is literally me, if I ever decide to try arch out, riding the devrant hype train. #staystrong

Mother of God 😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣

It's not that bad

Best of luck. Remember:
1) do have backup
2) read the arch wiki properly before typing the command
All will be well

Whatever you do, don't copy a command from a tutorial without knowing what it does. Take it slow and understand everything before doing it. You'll be fine. There's only a finite amount of stuff necessary to learn and most programmers have a sensible idea of those things before hand.

Great. Also, try Manjaro